


Clouds

by taeyongseo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, Getting Back Together, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Teenage Rebellion, famous/non-famous, not between mh but be careful with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21712234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongseo/pseuds/taeyongseo
Summary: Mark is famous, Donghyuck is not and two years after their break-up, Mark is willing to do anything to get his forever back.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 351
Kudos: 1347
Collections: Pro Debuter Fest Fic Recs





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [abcdefghiluvyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/abcdefghiluvyou/gifts).



> Those who knew me before might recognise this story in its bare bones. It's a rewrite of a story that was always very dear to my heart, but never got the chance to be read by many because it was written during the death of its original fandom. So I decided to give it another life, properly edited this time and I hope you can enjoy it!
> 
> Because the story just needs to be re-edited, updates will also be very quick, which I think is nice. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. This work does not reflect upon the real life people mentioned in this fictional story, and the non-fictive people named are not affiliated with this story in any way. The story and its characters belong to me. Do not repost anywhere and do not print/distribute.

**“Well I know when you're around  
‘cause I know the sound  
I know the sound of your heart”** **  
\- The Sound // The 1975**

The day it all went to hell was a low spring day. The sky was one, pale grey, gusts of wind tousling leaves through the streets. It was dry out by now, but it had drizzled in the morning so the few cars speeding through the coffee shop’s side street caused splashes of water to crash onto the pavement.

The lunchtime inrush had ended about half an hour ago and Donghyuck was busy drying the cups he had just rinsed, humming along to the radio playing this week’s Top 40. He was waiting for Jaehyun to show up and join him in the afternoon shift, so he didn’t pay much attention when the bell above the door tingled. Donghyuck looked up, however, when he heard a certain, familiar voice that shouldn’t be familiar anymore laugh. And his stomach dropped somewhere to his knees.

It was like a damn soap opera, really, the way Mark Lee stomped back into his life, with expensive sneakers splattering mud onto the wooden flooring Donghyuck had scrubbed a mere hour ago. Mark was wearing skinny jeans and a sweatshirt that looked like it had been scrubbed over asphalt but probably cost more than a month’s worth of Donghyuck’s salary. His hair was back to black, had been bleached blond the last time Donghyuck had checked. He was not alone, two other boys flanking him. His groupmates, Donghyuck recognised them from the magazine covers he always avoided when he waited at the cash register of their local supermarket.

Donghyuck cast his gaze down the moment Mark’s hands came up to pull the shades from his eyes and he began to survey the modestly cramped coffee shop. Donghyuck didn’t need to look at a photo or poster from a teen magazine to know Mark’s eyes. Mark’s eyes he remembered, always changing between coffee brown and a shade so dark it was near black. Lips pressing into a tight line, Donghyuck focussed on the cup he was towelling dry.

“Lee Donghyuck.”

His name. His name were the first words Mark Lee spoke to him after a year and thirteen weeks of silence. It was enough to make Donghyuck’s eyes snap up. Mark was standing in front of the counter now, hip leaned against the steely tabletop, eyes bright with unrightful joy and that charming curve to his smile, that had always kept everybody from questioning his true motives. True motives and thoughts and secrets that used to be shared with Donghyuck, and Donghyuck only.

And Donghyuck got it. He got why all these teenage girls bought concert tickets and t-shirts and wrote _Future Mrs Lee_ on their arms. In all reality, Mark was enrapturing. He was constantly oozing a perfect mixture of self-confidence and demure humility and something indescribable, incredibly intriguing that differentiated him from all the other talented idol rappers out there. Mark was a rockstar. Always had been.

Donghyuck kept silent as he averted his gaze back to his hands, placed the now dry cup to the right of the sink and took the next one.

Unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth, he said, “I thought that the last time we talked I told you that I never want to see you again.”

Donghyuck could hear a low gasp, but it hadn’t come from Mark. It was one of his groupmates, the one with the broad smile and bubble-gum pink hair. Out of the corner of his eyes, Donghyuck could see Mark’s unbothered smile falter. It felt good. Donghyuck shot bubble-gum guy a mirthless smile—he didn’t see any reason why he should be friendly—before he looked back down, stacking the cup in his hands onto the other dry one and fishing the next one out of the sink.

“Yeah,” Mark sounded a lot more sober now. His voice had gotten deeper as well, matured. “I remember that.”

“Good.” Donghyuck kept his expression impassive, feigned to be as disinterested as he could manage. And was this really happening? This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be real.

“Donghyuck-ah.”

The almost pleading hint in Mark’s voice was what made Donghyuck’s blood boil. Mark had no right to be anything but sad because Donghyuck was acting cold towards him. Mark had no right to be here in the first place, he hadn’t. Mark needed to be far away, on other continents, living the idol life he had chosen while Donghyuck lived his. That was the deal.

“Oh, no!” Donghyuck plunked the cup he was polishing onto the counter. The force made the porcelain crack, but Donghyuck couldn’t bring himself to care. Ignoring the slight sting from where a splinter had cut into his palm, he raised his finger.

“Don’t you dare ‘Donghyuck-ah’ me! You have no right to call me that name. In fact, you don’t have the right to say my name at all. I don’t know what goddamn idea struck on you that you think you can come back— that you can march in here after _a year_ and even look at me, but I’m telling you right now, that you can’t. Leave! Get the fuck out of here! _Now_ , before I call the police.”

Donghyuck felt the other customers start to ogle at them as his voice grew in volume, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. All he cared about was the way Mark flinched, flinched as if Donghyuck hit him. He hoped it hurt.

“Donghyuck, please.” Mark glanced nervously around the room. “Can we talk? Somewhere else?”

And Donghyuck was _so_ close to surging over the counter and strangling him.

That was when Jaehyun showed up.

“Hey, everything alright here?”

The good thing was, that Jaehyun was older. Well, not that old, twenty-three, which made him only three years older than Donghyuck and two years older than Mark, but his deep voice made him sound older. And Jaehyun was buff, arms bulging nicely under the white barista long sleeve shirt, his expression polite but firm as he stepped out of the backroom. 

“Yeah, everything’s perfect,” Donghyuck pressed out through gritted teeth.

“He’s right,” that came from the boy to Mark’s right. He was all shades of raven hair, black clothing and unforgiving eyes, currently fixed on Donghyuck. His gaze held such intensity that Donghyuck felt his stomach churn for a moment. Then the other boy looked away, to Jaehyun. “We were just about to leave.”

With that he grabbed bubble-gum guy and Mark by their respective arms and dragged them out of the shop. The moment the door fell close behind them, Donghyuck positively collapsed.

Jaehyun caught him. “Shit, Hyuck, what’s wrong?”

Cursing under his breath, Donghyuck let Jaehyun help him into the backroom where Jaehyun lowered him down onto the nearest crate.

“Who the hell was that?”

“No one,” Donghyuck muttered and pressed the palms of his hands together, wiped his nose with the back of his right. “No one.”

**“I tell my story in reverse  
‘cause it hurts  
‘Cause it hurts to bare”  
\- Reverse // SomeKindaWonderful**

It was an exceptionally hot summer day and Mark was sprawled out on the lawn behind his house, just squinting at the sky. The five year-old had scavenged a freeze pop from the freezer, his third that day despite the fact that his mum had prohibited him from eating more than one a day. But Mark knew that his mum wouldn’t be home until the short clock hand would point to the five on his Digimon watch, so he still had a couple of hours time to come up with an excuse why the box with the ice was already half empty.

Mark had just victoriously ripped the corner of the plastic open with his teeth when he heard the rumbling. It was a rumbling like the one that woke Mark every Tuesday morning when the garbage truck drove through his street and poured all the trash from the trash cans into the back of the truck. Curiously, Mark sat up and peeked around the edge of his house.

There was a truck, just as big as the garbage one but definitely not as smelly, that had just pulled up to Mrs Choi’s house. Mrs Choi herself, Mark knew because his mother had told him, was in a house for old people now and her house had been empty ever since.

Mark scrambled to his feet, just in the same moment the doors of the truck opened and two men in white dungarees and yellow caps on their heads jumped out. Holding the freeze pop with his teeth, Mark skipped the few metres to the tree that stood between the two houses and hid behind the stem. From his new spot behind the tree, Mark had an uninhibited view of the Choi’s front yard. The men in the dungarees had walked to the back of the truck and pulled its back wall open, revealing stacks of furniture.

In front of the truck, having gone unnoticed by Mark until now, a car had stopped. The front doors opened and Mark watched a woman about the age of his mom get out of the passenger seat. Her long, dark hair fluttered in the wind and a stern, but not unfriendly smile appeared on her face as she looked around before she took the hand of the man that had driven the car. He reminded Mark of his dad, despite the fact that the new man had hair and his dad had a lot less. A second later, Mark's attention got caught by the back door of the car opening and a pile of boys falling out.

At first, Mark thought them to be triplets because they looked so alike. They were all scrawny, clad in football jerseys and matching khaki shorts. Then Mark noticed that they weren’t equally tall. The two older brothers looked like they were about the age of Mark’s cousin. Mark’s cousin was already in the last grade of elementary school and the tallest boy looked old enough to maybe even having started middle school.

Mark bit his lip, squinted as he watched the two bigger boys kick a ball around the front lawn, the youngest brother doomed to run in between them. The eldest seemed to enjoy kicking the ball away every time the youngest brother came close to touching it.

Eventually, the youngest brother seemed to have caught on that his big brothers were playing him and he dropped to the ground right where he stood, rolled himself onto his belly and watched his brothers play instead of trying to play with them. His short, chubby fingers raked through the lawn and ripped out chunks of grass.

Without lifting his eyes from the boy, Mark picked up the freeze pop from where the plastic was slowly but surely cutting open the corners of his mouth. He bit off a good chunk of the cherry-flavoured ice, let it slide into his mouth and chewed before he suspended the wrapping back between his teeth.

Mark lost track of time quickly. Hidden away behind the tree, Mark watched as the men in the dungarees and the man that had arrived in the car carried the furniture from the truck into the house, directed by the woman. It was interesting, probably the most interesting thing that had happened to him all summer (and that included the new Super Mario game for his Gameboy that Mark had gotten from his dad.)

At one point, the adults disappeared into the house, though, and Mark could see the woman handing out the same brown bottles his dad drank from whenever they went to a barbecue at the neighbour’s house. Shortly after, the woman called out for the boys in the front yard and, after having kicked the ball into the open garage, the two older brothers ran off into the house. The youngest, having to pull himself to his feet first, got up much slower.

That was when Mark saw his chance.

Careful to keep the freeze pop between his teeth, Mark ran along the fence as fast as his short legs would carry him. He slithered to a halt as soon as he could be seen from the front yard.

“Hey!” he called out and hoisted himself onto the wooden fence.

The other boy’s head whipped up, his unruly hair flopping into his eyes. He looked around with a confused expression on his face before he seemed to spot Mark. The confusion on his face faded into timid curiosity and Mark watched, pleased, as the boy took a step forward. He waved him closer.

Hesitantly, the boy took another step forward and then he was walking towards Mark, his hands clutching the hem of his jersey.

“I’m Mark,” Mark said, past the freeze pop still hanging from his mouth, once the boy had come to a halt in front of him.

“Donghyuck,” the boy gave back, eyeing the candy hanging from Mark’s mouth.

Mark smiled.

He took the freeze pop out of his mouth and held it out, “Do you want one? There’s still two in the freezer left.”

Donghyuck looked at him, looked back at the house where his brothers had disappeared and then he nodded at Mark.

“Cool,” Mark nodded and jumped off the fence. He held his arms out so he could catch Donghyuck as the younger boy struggled to climb over the fence.

Donghyuck fell on his way down, but bounced right back up when Mark helped him to his feet.

They shared a grin and Mark grabbed onto Donghyuck’s hand so he could lead him into his house. Mark hoped Donghyuck liked cherry flavour.

**“And you’ve got a lot to say**  
**For the one that walked away”**  
**\- Stay With Me // You Me At Six**

“Hey, mum!”

Donghyuck greeted his mother with a kiss on the cheek as he walked into the kitchen. Outside of the kitchen window, he could see the sun set, the street lamps flickering to life.

“Closed everything up?” his mother asked from where she was busy peeling vegetables for dinner.

“Yes, of course.” Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“Mhm,” his mother looked up and eyed him with a deprecating frown. “Something happen?”

And how did his mother even do that? Donghyuck thought about lying for a moment, but then he accepted his fate. He took one of the knives out of the block and picked up a carrot.

“Mark came into the shop today.”

His mother blinked at him, “Who?”

“Mark,” his name tasted like acid on Donghyuck ’s tongue. “My Mark.”

“Oh.” His mother’s eyes grew wide. “He’s come back?”

“It appears so.".

“I’m sorry, honey.” Donghyuck looked up when his mother plucked the knife and vegetable out of his hands, placing them carefully on the counter before she enclosed Donghyuck ’s hands with her own. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Donghyuck smiled at her reassuringly, fighting against the overwhelming urge to run up into his room, just so he wouldn’t have to endure the concern in her eyes any longer. “I told him that I want nothing to do with him and he left.”

“Good, that’s good. Your dad and I planned to go to the movies tonight, but if you want us to stay, we could—”

“Oh no, Mum!” Donghyuck shook his head. “No, it’s really fine. Jaehyun’s coming to pick me up in half an hour anyways.”

“Okay,” his mother relented and released his hands. Then she turned to look out of the kitchen window. “I mean, I saw lights in the Lee’s old house, but I never would have thought—It’s been such a long time.”

“I have to go get ready,” Donghyuck said and took a step backwards.

His mother was still looking out of the window, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, when Donghyuck turned around and made his way out of the kitchen. Once he had closed the door to his room behind him, Donghyuck let himself fall back against the varnished wood, took a couple of deep breaths. Then he pushed himself off and strut over to his wardrobe.

Jaehyun hadn’t specified where they were going for dinner, but Donghyuck knew Jaehyun well enough to know that Donghyuck was on the safe side if he dressed to impress. Jaehyun never chose a cheap place to take Donghyuck out to. It was one of the reasons why Donghyuck had said yes to him when the other man had asked him out for the first time. Jaehyun always made sure that Donghyuck felt appreciated, worth a thirty-dollar plate of pasta even if they were both living off of a barista’s wage.

Donghyuck had just pulled one of his two dress shirts from its hanger when movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. It seemed almost surreal to Donghyuck as he turned his head to find the window opposing his illuminated.

Donghyuck had waited for that to happen. He had waited for over a year for the empty darkness in Mark’s window to light up and now that it had, Donghyuck felt his heart sink.

Mark was standing in front of his dresser, must have just emerged from the en-suite bathroom that Donghyuck knew was located right next to it. He was naked, would have been completely naked if it weren’t for the towel wrapped around his hips.

Even from a distance and through two windows, Donghyuck could make out the drops of water that were dripping from Mark’s wet hair and running down his skin. He had gotten broader, his soft edges hardened out. Not completely, but Mark wasn’t a boy anymore. Then, neither was Donghyuck.

Mark was standing with his back towards the window and Donghyuck needed to look away, but he couldn’t. Completely frozen in place, he watched as Mark rummaged through the top drawer of his dresser, retrieved a pair of grey boxer briefs that were familiar to Donghyuck even though he really wished they weren’t. There just wasn’t anything of Mark’s that Donghyuck didn’t know, didn’t remember, hadn’t touched or stolen at some point.

He could feel his heartbeat go erratic as Mark’s hand disappeared in front of his body and then the towel was falling, taking Donghyuck ’s heart rate with it.

Donghyuck ’s breath hitched as Mark turned around, offering Donghyuck a full-frontal view. Clutching the underwear in his hand, Mark took a step further into the room, closer to the bed and his window. And then Mark looked up. There was no surprise on his face when he found Donghyuck staring at him. Instead, a slow smile made the corners of his mouth curl upwards as he met Donghyuck’s eyes.

Donghyuck felt anger surge up in his chest with an intensity that forced his jaw open, his ears tingling with the sudden rush of blood to his head. The angry fire in his belly had almost been squashed, momentarily, by the sight of Mark back in his room, in his house, where Donghyuck had hoped he would appear for months and months on end. But Mark hadn’t and after a year Donghyuck had stopped looking at the window and focussed on his own life instead. And now, he had Jaehyun.

Donghyuck spun around, hitting the light switch of his room with his fist as he stormed out. He fled into the bathroom, willing the incessant hammering of his heart to stop as he changed out of his coffee-stained work clothes.

He doused himself in deodorant before he put on the dress shirt and then turned to fix his hair. Shortly after, he could hear the doorbell ring and he quickly made his way back downstairs, spreading the last of wax in his hair.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

“Hey,” he greeted Jaehyun, who smiled at him.

“You look wonderful, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck called out a quick goodbye to his mum and stepped out onto the front porch. He found that he had been right to go for a dress shirt. Jaehyun himself was clad in a snug grey sweater, contrasting nicely with his pale skin and his fitted slacks that had been ironed. They were definitely going somewhere fancy.

“Where are we going?” Donghyuck asked as they walked to the car.

“It’s a surprise,” Jaehyun grinned, “but it involves food, so I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“Ah, geez, you know me so well,” Donghyuck fanned himself as he pulled the passenger door of Jaehyun’s hatchback open.

Jaehyun grinned at him as he settled into the driver’s seat and Donghyuck’s smile widened. It was easy, being with Jaehyun. They worked well together.

The restaurant turned out to be a small Italian place. As soon as Jaehyun had given his last name to the hostess, she lead them to a small, round table near the windows. She took their drink orders before she lit the candle in the middle of the table and left them to retrieve the menu cards.

“For the record, this is very romantic,” Donghyuck remarked as he flipped the menu open.

“Only the best for you,” Jaehyun smiled at him and took the hand Donghyuck had rested on the table.

As soon as the waitress had taken their orders, Jaehyun leaned forward, a glint of concern appearing in his eyes and Donghyuck knew what was coming, even before Jaehyun opened his mouth.

“So,” the other man began and squeezed the hand of Donghyuck’s he was still holding, “do you want to tell me what happened today? Who was that guy? Because I could swear I’ve seen his face before somewhere but—”

“His name is Mark,” Donghyuck interrupted and lifted his glass of wine to his lips. “He used to live next to me but now he doesn’t anymore. It doesn’t matter who he is, really.”

Jaehyun furrowed his brows, “Really, because you seemed pretty shook up and if he’s giving you any trouble…” Something darker appeared in Jaehyun’s gaze.

“He’s not—” Donghyuck sighed. “He’s not giving me trouble. Please, don’t worry about him or me, okay? I swear, it’s fine.”

He plastered the most sincere smile onto his face that he could muster. Jaehyun searched his eyes for a moment, then he nodded and leaned back, picked up his own glass of wine.

Donghyuck felt relieved as he watched Jaehyun clink their glasses together in a silent toast.

“Alright then. I just want you to know that you can tell me when something bothers you, or someone. I’m your boyfriend, I’ll help you deal with it.”

“I know,” Donghyuck smiled. “Thank you.”

After that, Jaehyun told him about the internship he was thinking about applying for in autumn and Donghyuck found himself relaxing after a couple of minutes. He hadn’t lied to Jaehyun. Mark wasn’t giving Donghyuck any trouble. Donghyuck wouldn’t let him. Determinedly, he banned every thought of the other man and focussed on Jaehyun in front of him, instead.

The rest of the evening went by easily and it was nearing midnight by the time they left the restaurant. They spent the drive back to Donghyuck’s in amicable silence, Donghyuck humming along to the radio from time to time. He enjoyed being with Jaehyun. He enjoyed it when Jaehyun insisted on walking him to his door once they had pulled up to the curb in front of Donghyuck’s house. Jaehyun always insisted on doing that. He was what his mum called “a proper gentleman.” It was nice.

The house itself lay in darkness, the car of Donghyuck’s parents still gone from the driveway. 

As soon as they had reached the front door, Jaehyun turned towards him, “I really enjoyed tonight.”

“Me too,” Donghyuck gave back, earnestly and pulled his hand out of Jaehyun’s grip to feel for his keys.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. The street party starts at seven, right?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck turned back to him and Jaehyun smiled. Then he leaned in, placing a single kiss on Donghyuck’s cheek that left Donghyuck grinning like a fool.

“Have a good night, Hyuck.”

“Safe drive home!” Donghyuck called after Jaehyun as the other man began to make his way down the porch and back to his car. 

Jaehyun waved at him before he drove away.

“How cute.”

Donghyuck startled and nearly tripped over himself in his haste to spin around.

“What the fuck?” he asked Mark, who was casually sitting on the Hollywood swing on Donghyuck’s front porch.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Mark’s eyes trailed the back lights of Jaehyun’s car before he looked up at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck felt his muscles tense with anger at the insolent question. He wanted to yell at Mark, wipe the darn front porch steps with his annoying smile, but Donghyuck couldn’t think of where to start, so he was left fish-mouthing at Mark for a couple of seconds before he gave up.

“Get the fuck off my porch,” he growled in lack of a better idea and turned towards the door, jamming the key into the lock.

“Oh, c’mon, Donghyuck-ah—”

“Didn’t I tell you to not call me that?”

“Fine, _Donghyuck_ , can I please come in? I wanted to talk to you if you remember this afternoon when—”

“You’re not invited to come in,” Donghyuck snapped at Mark before he pushed the front door open and stepped through, hastily throwing the door shut behind him. Except, Mark had caught the door and squeezed himself through.

And like that he was in Donghyuck’s house, wiping his shoes on the door mat like Donghyuck had seen him do hundreds if not thousands of times before. And Donghyuck wanted to be surprised, but he really wasn’t. This house had been Mark’s as long as it had been Donghyuck’s. Shutting him out was trying to shut him out of his own home.

Still, Donghyuck felt his blood boil at the innocent smile Mark shot him and turned around with a huff. He walked straight into the kitchen, turning on the faucet of the kitchen sink and squeezing dish soap into the basin. If Mark wanted to besiege his house, Donghyuck might as well get something done and do the dishes.

Somehow, Donghyuck noticed, he always found himself washing dishes in the presence of Mark these days. And that he even could think of Mark and the present in the same sentence was enough to make Donghyuck scrub the cup in his hands so hard he nearly took of the “World’s Best Mum” lettering.

“I like the new colour scheme,” Donghyuck could hear Mark call from the living room. “Grey was a good choice for the walls. It mixes well with the yellow curtains. But your mum always had a hand for that. Speaking of…”

Donghyuck flinched when Mark’s voice was closer suddenly, in the same room as him, “...where are your parents?”

Donghyuck focussed on washing out the cup in his hands for several seconds before he realised Mark wouldn’t move on without an answer.

He sighed, “They are at the movies. It’s their anniversary today.”

“Ah,” Mark answered, “is it the fourth of September yet?”

“Mark,” Donghyuck set the cup in his hands down and looked up to find the other man already looking at him, brows raised expectantly. Donghyuck withstood the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. “What do you want?”

Mark blinked at him, obviously surprised by the calm tone to Donghyuck ’s voice.

“Because,” Donghyuck continued, “as far as I know you are supposed to be on the other half of the world, being a rap sensation and all that. You moved your parents out of their house over a half year ago. Shit, I didn’t even know it still belonged to you. And then your group members are here as well? I’m just—what do you want?”

“We’re working on our second album," Mark wet his bottom lip with his tongue and Donghyuck couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. He turned away, curled his hands around the edge of the basin. "It’s a group retreat to get the creative juices flowing.”

Donghyuck watched the water in the basin ripple, the soap bubbles slowly but surely bursting away. “You’re lying to me.”

It wasn’t a question.

A moment later, Donghyuck felt the air in the room move and for a second, he thought that Mark was leaving, but then he felt Mark’s arms wrap around him from behind, his chest pressing against Donghyuck’s back. Donghyuck’s head whipped up. Aghast, he started at Mark’s arms in the reflection of the kitchen window, snaking around his stomach.

“Mark,” Donghyuck warned him.

“Please.” Mark’s voice was so meek, all his bravado gone. What was left was so bare that Donghyuck had to ban the sound from his brain, force himself to forget it. “It’s been so long, Donghyuck. Please, just let me hold you for a moment.”

“Okay.” The word had come out before Donghyuck had even had the chance to think about it.

He let his eyes flutter shut. One hug, he figured, one hug would be okay. Then he would kick Mark out, and for good this time.

Carefully, Donghyuck let himself back into Mark’s embrace. Mark hugged him tightly, the familiar smell of shower gel and _Mark_ wafting into Donghyuck’s nose. Donghyuck didn’t know how long they remained like this. There were so many thoughts running through his mind that he couldn’t pick out a single one.

That was until he felt Mark’s lips press against the back of his neck, a single open-mouthed kiss against the heated skin of his nape. Donghyuck went rigid.

“You don’t get to kiss me anymore, Mark.”

Donghyuck could feel Mark’s breath against his neck as he exhaled, “I know.”

Donghyuck swallowed. His heart was racing so fast he thought it might jump out of his rib cage. Several moments of silence passed.

“I came here to get you back, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck felt his eyes burn. “I know.” He did. He had known it the very moment Mark had set foot into the coffee shop. “But I’ve got a boyfriend now, Mark.”

“How long have you known him?”

Donghyuck felt his jaw set as he answered quietly, “Six months.”

“Six months,” Mark repeated. He didn’t raise his voice while he spoke, almost mumbled his words into Donghyuck’s skin. “That’s nothing, Donghyuck. He’s been with you for six months, but we’ve loved each other for sixteen years, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck could feel the flames in his stomach flare, “You left.”

“And I’m back.” Mark’s grip on him tightened. “I want you back, Donghyuck, and I’m not leaving until we’re together again. As long as there are clouds in the sky—”

Donghyuck exhaled, his hands shaking as he balled them into fists, dug his nails into the palms of his hands.

“—you and I will be together. So you can hold that guy’s hand and he can kiss your cheek, but I’ve seen the way you look at him, Donghyuck and I know that you don’t love him. You love me.”

Donghyuck felt his jaw drop slightly as Mark’s hand lifted from his stomach and settled on his heart where it was hammering against his ribcage. Donghyuck knew that Mark could feel that. Donghyuck hated him.

“You love me as much as I love you. I love you. And I will win you back,” Mark promised, and like that he was taking a step back, his arms falling from Donghyuck ’s body.

Donghyuck was still staring out of the kitchen window by the time he could hear the kitchen door open and shut again. Slowly, blinded, Donghyuck placed his hand on his heart, slotted his fingers into the burning imprint Mark had left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are, I hope with all my heart that you enjoyed the first chapter and I'm always grateful for any kind of feedback <3  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[background music]](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xDXQ0FGYE9Bl8F2S7B84G?si=NCts-DlcR1KilCYAlO9Bpw)

**“If you’re broken I will mend you**   
**And I’ll keep you sheltered** **  
****from the storm”**   
**\- Lego House // Ed Sheeran**

A strained huff escaped Mark as he swung his leg over the fence gate that stood between his own garden and Donghyuck’s. Of course, it would have been easier to just open the gate and walk through it, but Mark was six years old and therefore using the gate like anyone else simply wouldn’t do.

He skipped the short way across Donghyuck’s garden and climbed onto the weathered stone wall that was separating the back yard from the wild willow behind it. Through the floor-length windows of the Lee’s living room he could see Donghyuck’s mother vacuum.

Mark waved at her when she looked up. Donghyuck’s mother raised her eyebrows as she saw him hanging halfway into her garden, but then she was waving back, an amused smile playing on her lips before she turned back to vacuuming.

Mark swung his remaining leg over the wall and jumped off. Pushing the high grass out of the way with his arms, Mark weaved his way deeper into the willow, taking the familiar steps until he had reached the patio-sized, round circle where the grass had been trampled down.

Mark felt the corners of his mouth tug up into a smile as he spotted Donghyuck’s familiar figure sitting on the grass already. His smile faded into a frown, however, when he saw that Donghyuck’s shoulders were shaking. Mark outright scowled when he heard the low, but unmistakeable sound of sobbing.

“Donghyuck!” he called out and tripped the remaining few metres to his friend. He let himself fall onto his knees in front of Donghyuck, wrapping his hands around Donghyuck’s small wrists to pull the blond boy’s hands from his face. “What happened?”

To Mark’s surprise, Donghyuck didn’t curl into himself but rather surged forward and a second later, Mark was sitting on his butt, Donghyuck’s knees digging uncomfortably into his thighs as the younger boy clung to him.

“Mark,” Donghyuck wrenched out and Mark, in lack of a better idea, patted him on the back like he had seen his mother do when her friend’s poodle had died.

“It’s okay,” Mark mused, trying to recall the words his mother had said. “It’s going to be fine. You can always get a new dog.”

“What?” Donghyuck asked as he pulled away, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

“Nothing,” Mark shrugged him off quickly. He patted Donghyuck on the hand. “Why are you crying, Donghyuck-ah?”

“Oh,” Donghyuck pulled up his nose. Mark frowned when Donghyuck wouldn’t look at him.

“Donghyuck,” Mark tried to look as trustworthy as possible as he forced Donghyuck to look at him. “We’re best friends, yeah? You can tell me.”

“It’s stupid,” Donghyuck muttered, shrugging.

“It’s not stupid if it makes you sad. Please, tell me.” Mark tried hard not to seem too impatient.

“It’s just…” Donghyuck sighed and Mark leaned closer. “School is starting soon so Mum went shopping with Doyoung because he ripped his school blazer and I went with them and Doyoung kept talking about how excited he was for school to start again. I asked him why and he said that that’s because you find so many new friends in school that he didn’t even miss his old friends from our old town and that I should be excited when I can go to school in a year because I will find a lot of new friends too and—”

Donghyuck looked up at him with tears welling in his eyes.

“—and you start school this year.”

Mark felt his gut clench funnily as he understood why Donghyuck looked at him with fear in his eyes. Furrowing his brows, Mark took the other boy’s hands. Not because he shared Donghyuck’s fear, but because it was ridiculous.

“Listen, elementary school will totally suck, yeah?“

Donghyuck’s eyes widened momentarily at the bad word Mark had used before he bit his lip.

Mark continued, “I have to wear a uniform and it’s going to be all icky and I’m gonna only think about how jealous I am because you can play on Doyoung’s Nintendo while I have to sit in a,” Mark let his voice drop down low, widened his eyes into a horrified expression, “classroom.”

“You,” Donghyuck titled his head to the side, visibly confused now, “you mean school is bad?”

“School is the very worst,” Mark reassured Donghyuck. “And even if I find lots of new friends like Doyoung said, you’ll always be my best friend, okay?”

Slowly, but surely, Donghyuck’s frown turned upwards into a smile, “Okay.”

Mark smiled back and squeezed Donghyuck’s hands, then he tilted his head back so he could look up. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Donghyuck mimic his action.

“See all those clouds, Donghyuck-ah?”

“Yeah. This one looks like a sheep!”

“It does,” Mark mused and then he looked back down, caught Donghyuck’s gaze. He disentangled one of his hands out of Donghyuck’s grip in favour of brushing the tangled locks out of his best friend’s eyes. Donghyuck grinned at him, weakly and Mark was determined to make even the last of uncertainty vanish from his face.

“As long as there are clouds in the sky, you and I will be together.”

After a moment of hesitation, Donghyuck held out his pinkie finger. “Do you promise?”

Mark smiled and curled his own pinkie around Donghyuck’s. “I promise.”

**“It’s in the eyes**   
**I can tell you will always be danger”  
** **\- Snake Eyes // Mumford & Sons**

Donghyuck was already sweating when he woke up. The sun was shining brightly through his window, tickling his back. Groaning at the sticky feeling of his skin, Donghyuck rolled himself out of bed and stalked over to the window, ripped it open as wide as he could. He shed his shirt before he grabbed his sunglasses, headphones and went downstairs.

As soon as Donghyuck had entered the kitchen, he made a beeline for the fridge. A silent prayer of gratitude left his lips as he saw that his mother had already crammed several bottles of water into the bottom space. Donghyuck grabbed two and threw the fridge door back shut. He found a note sticking to the fridge door, informing him that his mother had gone grocery shopping while his father was managing the coffee shop. 

Content that he had the day off, Donghyuck gulped down the first bottle of water on his way outside. The sun was beating down mercilessly and Donghyuck flinched as the smouldering bricks of the terrace burned his feet. Hastily, he skipped over to the lawn and dropped himself onto the blanket that was already waiting for him there.

Donghyuck put on his sunglasses, propped his earphones into his ears and turned his music on loud. The neighbours were holding a street fest tonight, which would mean a lot of socialising with old people, swerving around the families with crying babies they wanted him to hold and ditching his mother’s friends invitations to mow their lawn. Donghyuck was more than happy to do nothing more than roasting in the sun until then.

He had nearly dozed off when he was startled by a high-pitched scream, followed by dull laughter. Reluctantly, Donghyuck took his earphones out and turned his head to the source of the noise.

During the past six months since Mark’s parents had moved out of their house to a nicer, more expensive place, the about metre-high hedge between the two properties had grown out. There was a swath in the hedge though that Donghyuck wasn’t completely innocent of having helped create. It had been their secret passageway, back when the hedge had just been planted. They had used it so often that eventually the grafts had been trampled and a gap had grown.

From his spot on the blanket, Donghyuck was able to peek through the swath. He would have been able to just scramble to his feet and look over the hedge, but Donghyuck would have rather choked on his own tongue than get caught being interested in what happened in Mark’s garden.

Adjusting his sunglasses, Donghyuck peered through the leaves to see Mark’s groupmates running around the garden in their swimming trunks, chasing each other with water guns. Mark himself was nowhere in sight.

Bubble-gum guy was in the middle of capturing his fellow member in a headlock and, once he had unscrewed the lid of his water gun, doused him until the thick strands of his black hair were matted against his forehead.

“Jaemin!” the black-haired boy half-whined, half bellowed, causing bubble-gum boy to giggle madly as he released the other boy from his grip. “Stop, hey! Get back here, you heathen!”

“Catch me if you can, Jeno!” Jaemin yelled back from the other end of the garden.

Donghyuck didn’t know how long he spent watching Mark’s groupmates run around the garden.

Something inside him urged Donghyuck to keep on watching, keep studying the other two men. A part of Donghyuck needed to satisfy that curiosity within him, what kind of people Mark was closest to now. The answer, Donghyuck realised belatedly, after he had watched Jaemin and Jeno fill an entire kiddy pool with water and jello mixture just to wrestle each other into it, was that they were idiots.

The right kind of idiots, though, Donghyuck could tell. Because their roughhousing never got out of hand and that one time Jeno crumbled to the ground dramatically after Jaemin had hit him in the pec with his water gun, Jaemin spent a good ten minutes apologising while helplessly patting Jeno’s head and arms. They cared about each other which meant they also cared about Mark and Donghyuck needed them to.

Because Mark would leave eventually, despite of what he had said. Because Mark was Mark Lee, famed idol rapper, now and now Donghyuck hated him. But there had been a time when Mark had been the one that made the planets in Donghyuck’s galaxy orbit and he wouldn’t have wished for Mark to be lonely out there.

It was the unmistakeable sound of the garage door lifting that pulled Donghyuck out of his thoughts. Slowly, Donghyuck sat up and made his way to the terrace door. If his mother had come back with a trunk full of groceries, she would expect him to carry some of it inside. Shutting out the splashing and laughter that sounded from across the hedge, Donghyuck pried the terrace door open and slipped inside the house.

He froze halfway across the living room when he heard his mother talk. Frowning, Donghyuck tiptoed to the edge of the walkthrough connecting the living room with the kitchen and peeked around the corner.

His mother was standing next to the kitchen island, unpacking the first bag of groceries. Her gaze was directed towards the kitchen door area that Donghyuck couldn’t see.

“... saying that it would have been a lot harder without you.”

“Of course,” Mark’s voice answered and then he walked right into Donghyuck’s line of vision, a brimming paper bag in his arms. He set the grocery bag down on the counter before leaning against it with his hip. “You practically raised me and it was no bother at all. I’m just glad it went down as mildly as it did.”

“Yes,” Donghyuck’s mother answered and Donghyuck could hear the certain kind of gravity in her voice that only appeared whenever his mother was deeply affected, “me too.”

And Donghyuck saw red. Gritting his teeth, he coughed loudly as he walked into the kitchen, causing both Mark and his mother’s head to turn.

“Donghyuck!” Mark beamed at him upon his entrance and Donghyuck tried hard to not roll his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Donghyuck directed at his mother. He failed to not have it come out as sulky as he felt. Just yesterday his mother had tried to console him about Mark’s return and now she was talking to Mark like she had  _ before _ , with the same fond tone that was usually reserved for Donghyuck and his brothers.

“Oh,” his mother perked up, “I met Mark at the supermarket and he was so nice as to help me carry everything.”

“It was no problem!” Mark chimed up, his good boy smile plastered on his face. “I’m always glad when I can help.”

Donghyuck wondered in how much trouble he would get if he decked Mark in the face right then and there. But judging by the enamored look on his mother’s face, it would have been a lot.

Without another word, Donghyuck turned away. Before he could give in to the sizzling of his blood, he stalked over to the kitchen door. He could hear Mark follow him, even before Donghyuck had set a foot onto the driveway where the car was standing with the trunk lid open. Donghyuck waited until Mark was next to him, reaching for the crate of water that Donghyuck had wanted to take. As if Donghyuck couldn’t have done that on his own.

He scoffed. “I must say, I’m impressed.”

Mark hoisted the crate onto the edge of the trunk before he looked up, “Mhm? Sorry, baby, what was that?”

Donghyuck swallowed down the remark about the nickname and instead focussed on the topic at hand. “It hasn’t been a day and you’ve already managed to wrap my mum back around your finger.”

Mark blinked at him several times, innocently, before the mask dropped and Mark smiled at him. Donghyuck’s heartbeat rose.

“Don’t be mad, Donghyuck-ah. I have to make sure I have all the reinforcements I can get.”

Mark leaned over the crate between them and Donghyuck almost took a step back. It was too much, having Mark of that close of a proximity to him, looking at him with those eyes.

“I learned to fight for what I want while I was away and there is nothing that I want more than you. Besides, I missed your parents. Your mother told me about the street fest tonight. I can’t wait to see everyone again.”

“You’re not invited,” Donghyuck gritted out through his teeth. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn’t care.

Mark shook his head and then handed Donghyuck the crate of water. His smile was just as blinding as it had been in the kitchen. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Donghyuck was still choking on air by the time Mark had walked over to his own front door and disappeared into the house.

**“And my stomach is sick  
** **And it's all in my head”**   
**\- Mr Brightside // The Killers**

Mark was stepping from one foot onto the other as he waited for the little pointer of his Digimon watch to hit the two. After a long day of sitting still in class, Mark was practically buzzing with energy. He just wanted for the fun part of his day to start.

The moment the pointer finally reached the two, a loud, familiar bell resonated across the school yard and Mark looked up from his watch and to the school building in front of him. He watched impatiently as a small army of first graders spilled out of the elementary school gates. Mark craned his neck to spot a familiar mop of ruffled hair to appear among the crowd. A big smile appeared on his face as he found Donghyuck, already making a beeline towards him.

“I have a girlfriend!” Donghyuck announced even before Mark had opened his mouth in greeting.

Mark felt the straps of his backpack slip out of his fingers, his bag hitting the ground with a low thud. “What?”

“I have a girlfriend now,” Donghyuck repeated, excitedly. “Today at lunch Hana came up to me and she asked me if I wanted half her cookie and then she asked me. And now I have a girlfriend!”

Donghyuck beamed at him and Mark hurried to follow his best friend as Donghyuck started walking towards the school’s gates.

“I’m so glad because Jisung got asked last week and now I have a girlfriend, too!”

Mark could feel how his face scrunched up like it had when his dad had tricked him into biting into a lemon that one time. His belly was hurting as well, as if there was lemon juice splashing around in it.

“No,” Mark heard himself say. When he looked up, he was met with Donghyuck’s huge eyes widening in confusion. “No, you have to break up with her.”

“What? Why?”

Mark didn’t like the shocked expression on Donghyuck’s face. He didn’t like the way his own heart was thumping in his chest. Mark wasn’t used to this feeling. He had never felt it before and the lemon juice in his belly seemed to get more by the second.

“Because… just because. I don’t like her. And I’m your best friend. You can’t date someone I don’t like. And I don’t like her. That’s it.”

Donghyuck gaped at him, then frowned down to where their feet were hitting the pavement in unison, then he looked back up at Mark. Mark swallowed at the defeated look in Donghyuck’s eyes. Somehow he felt dirty when Donghyuck nodded.

“Okay. I’ll break up with her,” Donghyuck said meekly and Mark took his hand, let it swing between them as they walked together.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck shrugged. “If you don’t like her then I don’t want to be with her. Can I wait until tomorrow to break up with her, though? I don’t know her phone number.”

“Yeah,” Mark nodded. “Tomorrow is fine.”

“Good,” Donghyuck smiled at him before the light returned to his eyes. “Do you wanna eat dinner at my house tonight? Dad bought Doyoung a new football and if I ask him nicely then he will lend it to us.”

“Sounds great, Donghyuck-ah,” Mark grinned, his heart beating easier when Donghyuck reciprocated the grin. He tapped Mark on the shoulder and yelled “last one home is a chicken” before he took off. Mark felt the last of lemon juice disappear from his belly. Then he ran after Donghyuck.

**“Have you heard me on the radio  
** **Did you turn it up?”  
** **\- Suburbia // Troye Sivan**

There were strings of fairy lights, strung from street lamp to street lamp, casting Donghyuck’s entire street into a soft glow. People were milling around round standing tables, laughing and talking, and the few kids that were still allowed to be up were enjoying the small funfair games that some of the parents had organised.

The smell of beer, fried food and fairy floss was heavy in the air and at the end of the street one of the neighbour kids was DJing on the makeshift stage that some of the fathers had set up.Donghyuck flinched when his mother tried to ruffle his hair along with handing him a beer.

“Mum!” he whined, trying to salvage what was left of his quiff.

“Stop complaining, Hyuckie,” his father reprimanded him. “Your mother brought you into this world so she has the right to mess up your ‘cool guy’ hair as often as she wants.”

“I think it looks good either way,” Jaehyun remarked and Donghyuck smiled at him, squeezing the other man’s hand where their fingers were intertwined between them.

“Thank you,” he sniffled. Then he took a step closer. “Please flee from the elderly with me.”

“I heard that!” Donghyuck’s dad yelled after them as Donghyuck pulled Jaehyun towards the beverage wagon.

Donghyuck placed his order with one of the girls that were managing it and was rewarded with an award-winning smile before the girl turned away, her cheeks crimson. Donghyuck made sure to wink at her as she handed him the beer he had ordered before handing the other drink to Jaehyun.

“I like the fact that we are serving beer in takeaway cups from our coffee shop,” Jaehyun said as he took the beer.

“Hey!" Donghyuck jabbed him lightly in the arm. “This event is a group effort and everyone contributed something.”

“Oh, I wasn’t complaining,” Jaehyun grinned. “Free promo means more tips for us.”

Donghyuck laughed before he led the way back to his parents, weaved them through the countless groups of neighbours.

He felt his stomach sink as he saw that his parents weren’t alone at their table anymore. It had been a long time, almost half a year since Donghyuck had last seen Mark’s parents. Donghyuck had experienced it in a haze when the moving trucks had arrived and he had watched the Lees clear out their house past the branches of the great oak in front of his window. It had hurt, then. Then, nothing had been left.

“Hyuckie!” his dad waved him closer. “There you are! Look who wants to say hello to you!”

“Hello!” Donghyuck pressed a smile onto his face as he was enveloped by Mark’s mother.

“You look good, Donghyuck.” Mark’s mother smiled at him as he pulled away and Donghyuck felt himself reciprocate the gesture. He had no ill feelings towards Mark’s parents. What had happened wasn’t their fault. Donghyuck just caught the glint of something in the eyes of Mark’s mother before he turned towards Mark’s father.

“Hey, kiddo!” the man grinned at him before slapping him on the back. “Your father just told me about your university aspirations. I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck rubbed the back of his head. Momentarily, his attention got caught by Mark’s black and white face, smiling up at him from where it was printed onto the front of Mark's father’s shirt, along with the rest of Mark’s group.

The shirt coaxed an honest smile out of Donghyuck. He felt himself relax. Being proud of his son made up at least seventy percent of Mark’s dad’s persona, Donghyuck knew, and he couldn’t hold that against him.

“I’ve been looking into applying for a Science degree. Not sure what exactly what I wanna do yet, though, it’s all very—”

“Here, Mum.”

Donghyuck abruptly lost his train of thought as he watched Mark appear next to his mother, handing her a bottle of water.

“Oh, hey, honey! Don't you wanna say hi to Donghyuck’s parents?”

“Oh, we met at the grocery store already, haven’t we?” Mark grinned at Donghyuck’s mother.

Donghyuck could see Jaehyun move out of the corner of his eye. A short glance at his boyfriend told Donghyuck that Jaehyun was watching the exchange in front of them with furrowed brows. The confusion in Jaehyun’s eyes was replaced with wonder and then disdain when Donghyuck’s father greeted Mark with a clap on the back and a too fond for Donghyuck’s liking “Good to see you back in town, Mark.”

Jaehyun turned to look at him and Donghyuck quickly averted his gaze.

“So you’re Mark.”

Jaehyun’s words made everyone look up.

Jaehyun’s tone had been polite, but clinical and  _ loud.  _ Donghyuck watched Mark’s face distort into a smile that was so familiar to Donghyuck he nearly laughed as Mark met the other man’s eyes.

“That’s me.” Mark smiled at Jaehyun the way Donghyuck had watched Mark smile at teachers during his last months of high school. “And you are?”

“I’m Jaehyun, Jung Jaehyun. I’m Donghyuck’s boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun,” Mark mused and extended his hand over standing table between them. After a moment of hesitation, Jaehyun took it.

Mark’s smile grew so wide Donghyuck thought it might split Mark’s face in half.

Then Mark turned back towards his mother and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. “I have to excuse myself, I fear. Mrs Kim from the Garden and Fences Club asked me to perform something tonight, so I gotta go. The others are already waiting for me. Have a good rest of the fest, guys. Have a good evening, Donghyuck-ah.”

Mark tilted his head to smile at Donghyuck, sincerely with that hint of danger back in his eyes that hadn't been there when they had been kids and then he was squeezing himself through the crowd in the direction of the stage where Donghyuck could see his groupmates lingering around.

Donghyuck watched Mark climb up the stage, shake hands with the DJ before he began talking to Jaemin.

“You wanna get some fairy floss?”

Donghyuck turned sharply to find Jaehyun smiling at him.

“Sure! Yes! Excellent idea!” Donghyuck took his boyfriend’s hand and made a beeline for the small booth further up the street.

There was a small queue in front of it, so they joined the line. Donghyuck hummed as Jaehyun began to play with his fingers. He smiled as he met the other man’s eyes.

Donghyuck was just leaning in when they were interrupted by the shrill sound of acoustic feedback. Involuntarily, his head whipped towards the familiar sound. Mark was standing with his guitar in his arms, his hair falling into his eyes as he ran his fingers over the strings once.

Jeno and Jaemin were flanking him with mics in their hands, waving and throwing kisses at the children that had gathered in front of the stage. Mark adjusted his guitar strap before he looked up and his gaze landed on Donghyuck with unerring certainty.

“Good evening, everyone,” Mark’s lips touched the microphone as he spoke and Donghyuck ran his tongue over his own, “I was asked to play something tonight, so I thought I’d play you all a song from my childhood. It’s been some time since I’ve played it, but it’s very dear to my heart so I think me and my friends can do well. This is Billionaire, I hope you all enjoy!”

Mark strummed his guitar, smiling down at the crowd gathering in front of the makeshift stage before he began to sing. For the entire first verse, Donghyuck could do nothing but stare at Mark’s hands, stare at the way they flew over the fret of the guitar.

Donghyuck had watched Mark work his way to that proficiency and he could still remember it, the way Mark’s fingers had been clumsy at first, how Mark had complained that real guitar was so much harder than Guitar Hero and the slow progress he had made, but long gone were the days when Mark had to stare at his hands while playing.

Now Mark stared at Donghyuck as he played, his voice ringing through Donghyuck’s head and drowning out everything else.

“Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck snapped out of it when he was shaken by the shoulder.

“What?” Donghyuck blinked at Jaehyun.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun furrowed his brows. “I said your name like twice.”

“Yes, sorry.” Donghyuck smiled brightly at him. “I am great.”

And with that, Donghyuck grabbed his boyfriend by the lapels and pulled Jaehyun against him, slotted their mouths together. Donghyuck swallowed the surprised noise Jaehyun uttered and made sure to hold on for another couple of seconds before he let go.

Jaehyun’s eyes were comically wide when Donghyuck let go of him, his jaw slack.

Donghyuck got why Jaehyun may have been a little confused. They normally didn’t engage in public displays of affection—or private ones, for that matter. They were taking it slow and that was because Donghyuck had asked them to.

“Uh, we’re up,” Donghyuck mumbled.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nodded, a slightly dazed expression in his eyes as he turned towards the lady behind the fairy floss boot.

He bought a bucket of pink fairy floss for them to share and while Jaehyun paid, Donghyuck let his eyes wander over the people around them. He didn’t mean to look back towards the stage.

Donghyuck knew he had made a mistake the moment he met Mark’s eyes. The expression in Mark’s eyes was indecipherable, and so intense that Donghyuck felt the ground beneath him vanish. He couldn’t look away. He couldn’t even breathe.

The last chord of the song sounded loudly through the speakers and then the people around them were clapping. Donghyuck could see their neighbours talk about him, all of them wearing the same, infatuated expression that made Donghyuck sick to the stomach.

Before he knew it, he was moving. Donghyuck made a beeline straight for where Mark had jumped off the stage to bask in his praise. He was laughing about something one of the elderly ladies had said to him.

“Hey, Donghyuck! There you are. Did you enjoy the show?”

Ignoring Mark’s words, Donghyuck grabbed him by the upper arm and dragged Mark along with him, away from the stage and to the side of it, out of view from the rest of the people.

“Woah, Donghyuck, what the—”

“You need to go.”

“What?”

Donghyuck let go of Mark in order to cross his arms in front of his chest. “You need to go.”

Mark stared at him, lightly shaking his head before he mirrored Donghyuck’s action and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “The street fest is for everyone, Donghyuck.”

“I know, but I’m asking you to leave. Please, go home.” Donghyuck raised one hand to rub it over his face. “I…I can’t have you here, okay? You need to go.”

Mark furrowed his brows, but then his expression changed. The pleased expression on his face made Donghyuck’s heart seize.

“Okay,” Mark nodded. “Okay, I’ll go if it bothers you that much that I’m here. But if I go, then I want something in return.”

Before he could rein it in, an audible groan had left Donghyuck’s lips. “Of course you do.”

Mark shrugged and Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“Dinner,” Mark replied within a heartbeat. “Have dinner with me. Tomorrow, at my place.”

“No way.” Donghyuck shook his head vehemently. “I’m not going on a date with you, Mark.”

Mark shifted his weight and Donghyuck could see the inaudible sigh leave Mark’s lips. “It’s not a date. It’s going to be dinner at my place and Jaemin and Jeno are going to be there as well. I want you to meet them, is all.”

Donghyuck looked at the ground, worried his lip between his teeth.

“C’mon, Donghyuck, it’s just dinner.”

It was when Donghyuck tasted a hint of iron on his tongue that he let go of his bottom lip and instead looked back up at Mark.

“You’re a real asshole, do you know that?”

Mark shrugged.

“Fine,” Donghyuck sighed. “Fine, I’ll come over tomorrow, but I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night.”

Mark’s face lit up. “Awesome. I’ll tell everyone that I’m off for the night and then I’m gone.”

Donghyuck nodded, folding his hands behind his back lest he do something as stupid as smoothing out the wrinkle that creased the front of Mark’s dress shirt. “Good.”

With that, he turned around and made his way back to the street.

“Oh, and Donghyuck?”

Mark smiled brightly at him when Donghyuck turned back to him. And Donghyuck knew what was coming even before Mark had opened his mouth, the flash of danger in Mark’s eyes warning enough.

“I know you weren’t fully enjoying kissing him. You would have tugged on his hair if you did, and your hands didn’t even twitch.”

Donghyuck snapped his mouth shut before his jaw hit the floor. Clenching his fists by his sides, Donghyuck turned around and walked away.

His heart was still pounding in his chest by the time he had made it back to his parents’ table. Jaehyun was waiting there for him, the bucket of fairy floss dangling from his fingers.

“Donghyuck! Where’d you go? I turned around and suddenly you were gone.”

“I’m sorry.” He greeted Jaehyun with a quick peck on the lips and savoured the pleasant feeling in his stomach it left him with. Mark didn’t know anything. “I had to sort out something.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun’s expression changed from bemusement to one of concern. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck waved him off, “no worries.”

“Okay, then.” A timid smile spread over Jaehyun’s face and Donghyuck took the bucket out of his hands.

Donghyuck found great joy in pulling tufts of fairy floss from the mass and feeding them to Jaehyun. That was, until he was bumped into from behind and the bucket slipped from his fingers, bouncing a couple of times on the asphalt before it landed in the gutter. Donghyuck looked up from where the bucket had landed to find one of the neighbour kids smiling at him sheepishly.

“Oops, sorry, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck swallowed down his disappointment about the lost food and waved the eight year-old off instead. “It’s fine, kiddo. Just look where you’re going next time, alright?”

“Okay! Thanks, Donghyuck! See you later!”

Donghyuck watched as the little boy took off before he turned to Jaehyun. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Jaehyun took his hand. “It’s just food. Do you wanna dance with me?”

Jaehyun tilted his head into the direction of the stage where the DJ was playing some chart bop. Several people were dancing already, including—much to Donghyuck’s embarrassment—his parents.

“You’re asking me to dance?” Donghyuck batted his eyelashes, rested a hand on his chest before he broke into a grin.

He followed Jaehyun onto the makeshift dance floor. Donghyuck couldn’t help but hum along to the tune of the song as Jaehyun pulled him closer. They dabbled with foxtrot for some time before eventually the DJ switched to more mellow music and Donghyuck hooked his chin over Jaehyun’s shoulder.

He closed his eyes as they swayed on their feet and this way, Donghyuck was unprepared when suddenly, he was leaning on air, falling until Jaehyun caught him, pulled him close against his chest.

“What the—”

Startled, Donghyuck searched the area behind him to find dark eyes locking with his for only a moment before Jeno and Jaemin waltzed on. With their arms held in classical pose, Jaemin and Jeno danced through the crowd, despite the slow tune of the song that was blaring from the speakers.

Donghyuck saw that he wasn’t the only one that had fallen victim to their long strides. Left and right people were tripping out of their way. Once they caught on to Jeno and Jaemin’s dancing, they laughed about it though.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked. “Sorry, I just moved when I saw them approaching.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck lifted himself into an upright position and placed his hand on the hand Jaehyun had placed on his shoulder in an attempt to steady him. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m uhm…I’m tired, though. Do you mind if I walk you to your car?”

“Oh,” Jaehyun’s eyebrows rose. “Yeah, of course. Are you sure you are fine?”

“Yes,” Donghyuck smiled, “I’m really just tired. And I’ve got the morning shift tomorrow so it’s probably better if I go to bed early.”

Jaehyun nodded before he led the way off the makeshift dance floor and past the stage to where car after car had been parked on the official car park for the night.

“Sleep well, Donghyuck,” Jaehyun told him as soon as they had arrived at his car.

Carefully, Jaehyun lifted his hand and stroked Donghyuck’s hair out of his eyes.

Donghyuck smiled at the gesture, pressed a swift kiss onto Jaehyun’s lips. “You too.”

He closed the car door behind him once Jaehyun had sat himself down on the driver’s seat. Donghyuck waited until Jaehyun had driven off before he headed for his house. It lay in complete darkness, all the lights shut off as Donghyuck’s parents were still at the festival.

Donghyuck couldn’t help but let his gaze wander upwards while he searched his back pockets for his keys. Despite the fact that it hadn’t rained all day, the sky hung full of clouds, grey tufts against the black sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update: 10/12/19.  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**“You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be** **  
** **And I don't want to go home right now”** **  
** **\- Iris // Goo Goo Dolls**

Donghyuck was lying with his face smushed against the pillow of his bed, his hand held uncomfortable in the air as to keep the flap of the book he was reading from falling onto his face. He had gotten the book from his mother as a present for his seventh birthday and every night since then, Donghyuck had spent getting lost in the world it mapped out for him.

It was a loud bang against his window that made Donghyuck sit upright in bed, the book clattering onto the floor as he struggled out of bed. Despite the rain that was pelting heavily against his window, Donghyuck pushed the pane up, squinted outside.

“Mark! What the hell are you doing out there?”

“Step aside!”

“You’re crazy!” Donghyuck’s eyes widened as he watched his best friend rise from where he had been sitting on one of the thicker branches of the tree between their windows.

Donghyuck felt nauseous as he watched Mark balance on the branch as far as he could before his hands reached the sill of Donghyuck’s window and then Mark was hoisting himself through. Donghyuck hurried to grab onto Mark’s shoulders and pull him in the rest of the way.

“What are you doing in the tree like that?!”

“Oh, please.” Mark shrugged him off as he pulled himself to his feet. “You have watched me do this at least a bazillion times.”

Donghyuck frowned. “Yeah, but not during a thunderstorm. My mum said you have to get as low as possible when there’s lightning because the lightning only strikes things that are high in the air.”

“Your mum is smart,” Mark conceded. “Still, I’m not afraid of lightning. The chance to get struck is like one to a million and that’s really, really small. Also I made it, didn’t I?”

Donghyuck couldn’t really argue with that point or Mark’s grin so he decided to let it slide and returned to his bed, crossing his legs under him as he sat down on the duvet.

“Why’d you come over?”

“Ah,” Mark raised his index finger. “Now you’re asking the right questions. Look what I brought.”

With a triumphant green, Mark pulled a CD case from the kangaroo bag of his sweatshirt.

“My dad bought it for me after work. Isn’t it cool?”

Wide-eyed, Donghyuck stretched out his hand. “Let me see.”

Mark nodded, handed the case to Donghyuck. Donghyuck traced the black front before he squinted to read the name.

“Dong Bang Shin Ki?” Donghyuck asked Mark.

The older boy nodded and Donghyuck could tell that he was excited.

Donghyuck turned back to inspecting the casing. As soon as he had surveyed every centimetre, had struggled his way through the song names printed onto the back, he scrambled back of the back and to his desktop. Next to his desk lamp sat his CD player. Donghyuck popped the lid open, carefully inserted the CD into the reader before pressing the lid back shut. The CD player gave a row of clacking noises before the small display started to blink.

“Skip to the fourth song. That one’s my fave.” Mark told him from where he had sprawled himself out on Donghyuck’s bed.

Donghyuck obliged, his steps matching the piano that started up a second later as he skipped back to the bed. Mark let out a loud  _ oof  _ when Donghyuck let himself flop down onto the other boy, but didn’t protest any further. Donghyuck wriggled around until he was comfortable and then placed Mark’s hand on his head. After a couple of moments, Mark began to stroke his head, causing Donghyuck to hum in content. With his face mushed into Mark’s chest, he could hear Mark’s heart beat against his ear, matching the tune of the song.

“I like the fast voice.”

“That’s U-Know. He’s a rapper.”

“He’s a good rapper.”

“Mhm. One day, I’ll learn to make music like that. And then I’ll play it to everyone and become as famous as DBSK.”

_ “ _ Dong Bang Shin Ki,” Donghyuck lilted.

He found Mark smiling at him when he looked up. “Yeah.”

Donghyuck smiled, poking out his tongue like the smiley on the CD case before a thought made his face fall. “But, Mark, you can’t forget about me when you’re famous.”

“Of course not, Donghyuck,” Mark shook his head vehemently. “You’re my best friend. Just wait, I’ll buy a jet and then I’ll fly you everywhere that I am.”

“Good,” Donghyuck said, consoled and dumped his head back onto Mark’s chest. As the song faded out, leaving nothing but the deep guitar, Donghyuck closed his eyes and let himself be lulled in by the music and Mark’s hand in his hair.

**“If you only knew how hard it is to handle** **  
** **How bad I want this scandal”** **  
** **\- The Next Room // Neon Animals**

Donghyuck ran his hand through his locks one last time before he rasped his knuckles over the varnished wood in front of him. Not a second later, he could hear voices from behind the door, followed by the thundering of footsteps and then the front door was ripped open.

“Donghyuck,” Mark greeted him happily.

“Hi.” 

Donghyuck dodged the arms Mark reached out for him and shouldered his way into his house. He could hear Mark sigh behind him. It gave Donghyuck a sick sense of satisfaction.

The interior of Mark’s house, Donghyuck realised, still looked almost exactly like it had the last time that Donghyuch had been inside. Only the pictures on the walls were gone, as well as the little knick-knacks that Mark’s mother had held dear. It made sense. The new house Mark had bought for them was probably endowed with much nicer, more expensive furniture anyways.

Donghyuck followed the low music that trickled into the hallway into the dinner room where the table had been set up more nicely than Donghyuck had it ever seen in the fourteen years he had called this house his second home.

Bowed over the table, Jaemin was placing a napkin that had been folded into the shape of a swan on one of the plates. He perked up as soon as he noticed Donghyuck standing in the door.

“Hi!” Jaemin dropped the three remaining napkin swans propped under his arm onto the chair next to him so he could skip over and offer Donghyuck his hand. “What’s up, man? I’m Jaemin.”

“Donghyuck,” Donghyuck managed.

He felt a little bit overwhelmed at the way Jaemin was looking at him, as if Donghyuck was the most important, breath-taking person Jaemin had ever met. Donghyuck was glad to find that Jaemin apparently looked at everyone that way when the last remaining member of Mark’s group entered from the kitchen.

“Jeno, come say hi! This is Donghyuck.”

“I know.” Jeno smiled at Jaemin as he walked over, a lot more poised and a lot less zealous to greet Donghyuck than his friend. Jeno’s offered Donghyuck a polite smile along with his hand. “I’m Jeno. Nice to meet you.”

Donghyuck shook it, watching as Jeno nodded infinitesimally before turning around and disappearing back into the kitchen. Jaemin beamed at Donghyuck and then turned back to his napkin swans.

“All right.” Mark cleared his throat, clearly unbothered by the heavy atmosphere Jeno’s appearance had left. “Come, Donghyuck, you can help me get some water from the porch.”

Because there was nowhere else for him to go, Donghyuck followed Mark outside.He traced his fingers over the familiar wallpaper as he left the room, pressed his fingertips against the wooden door frame of the terrace door. The evening’s air was warm, damp against Donghyuck’s face.

“They seem nice,” Donghyuck commented as he took the two bottles of water Mark pulled from the crate stored next to the terrace door.

Donghyuck pressed one of them against his neck, sighed at the pleasant cold against his skin. Donghyuck frowned when he found Mark watching him, a disgustingly fond expression on Mark’s face.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Mark shook his head, “that was just very you.” He mimicked pressing the bottles he was holding against his face. “I missed seeing you do that.”

Donghyuck licked his lips. “It’s hot outside.”

Mark’s grin only widened. He shrugged and held the door open for Donghyuck before he lead the way back inside.

“Hey, perfect timing!” Jaemin greeted them, now clad in a cooking apron, a huge casserole dish in his mitten-clad hands. “Dinner’s ready.”

“We sent Jaemin to our local organic market and he went on a bit of a splurge,” Mark explained to Donghyuck while they took a seat around the dinner table. “This is why this is all looks as if it was just pulled from the earth.”

“It smells fantastic, though,” Jeno directed at Jaemin as soon as the other man had taken the seat next to him.

Jaemin beamed at Jeno before pointing to the dish in the middle of the table. “This is salmon prepared after a recipe that I found in one of Mark’s mum’s cookbooks. Then we’ve got roasted veggies, asparagus, uh sauces and rice, I wasn’t sure what you like exactly.” Jaemin smiled at Donghyuck apologetically and Donghyuck hurried to wave him off. “And that’s pretty much it! Alright, guys, dig in.”

While Jeno and Jaemin began to shovel food onto their plates, Donghyuck watched Mark stand up from his seat and pull out his smartphone. Donghyuck made sure to lean out of the frame as Mark snapped a picture of the table.

“Are you posting that to the group account?” Jeno asked.

Mark nodded, tapping away on his phone while he sat back down. “Yeah, we haven’t posted anything in two days.”

“You guys have a schedule for your social media?” Donghyuck asked incredulously.

Mark smiled at him. “We’re MIA to the rest of the world right now, so we have to post things to keep everyone entertained while we’re gone.”

“We’d like to ask you not to post anything on social media about where we are as well.” Jeno raised his hands upon Donghyuck’s frown. “Not that you would. Just…better safe than sorry, you know? If our locations leaks it might get ugly really quickly. No offense to you, of course, but your town doesn’t really seem to be equipped to deal with an onrush of paps.”

“Or fans,” Jaemin added.

“Or that.”

Donghyuck swallowed. “That sounds crazy.”

“They aren’t crazy.”

Donghyuck was surprised at the harsh tone to Mark’s voice. Ever since he had come back, Mark had talked to him either full of zeal, or in that dangerous kind of way that made Donghyuck have to take a step back because it opened up an abyss that Donghyuck wasn’t ready to fall down.

Not once, not even before as far as Donghyuck could remember, had Mark talked to him as if he was  _ offended. _

Mark seemed to realise his mistake as in the next moment, his features softened. “They are passionate. Our fans are passionate.”

Donghyuck nodded. Slowly, he felt the knot in his stomach untangle. In the last second, he refrained from taking Mark’s hand in silent apology.

“Some of our fans are high class stalkers,” Jeno said. “For now we’re trying to keep a low profile.”

Donghyuck nodded. He understood that. “I won’t post anything.”

It seemed to console Jeno, who sat back as Jaemin dove into a story of his.

Donghyuck found that it was easy, being with Mark and his groupmates. Jaemin was so talkative that Donghyuck barely had to make an effort to contribute to the conversation and Jeno, albeit being a little cooler towards Donghyuck, was nice enough for Donghyuck to be comfortable.

He felt comfortable and the realisation made Donghyuck’s hackles rise, but he was also sleepy from all the food he had stuffed himself with and it was a nice night. There was no use ruining it by throwing a tantrum.

After dinner they moved outside onto the round stone patio at the back of the garden. Donghyuck made himself comfortable on one of the lawn chairs arranged in a circle around the fire place while he watched Jeno and Mark struggled to set the fire basket in the middle of the ablaze. Donghyuck looked up when Jaemin appeared in front of him.

“Is beer cool with you?” Jaemin asked him, two bottles in hand. “It was kinda the only thing in the fridge over there.”

“Yeah, sure,” Donghyuck gave back, remembering only belatedly that he hated the drink.

Keeping silent as to not make Jaemin feel bad, Donghyuck placed his bottle between his thighs while Jaemin sprawled himself out on the lawn chair next to him.

With a shout, Jeno and Mark jumped back from the fire basket as a metre-high spiral of fire shot up into the sky.

Donghyuck was about ready to berate Mark for being so careless, but then Jeno was already doing that and he forced himself to relax back in his chair.

Jeno took the near-empty bottle of accelerant from Mark’s hands and placed it underneath the lawn chair next to Jaemin’s before he dropped himself down on it. Mark rolled his eyes, grumbling something unintelligible before he turned around and disappeared back into the house.

Donghyuck watched Jaemin and Jeno wrangle for a little bit over who dared to push his chair closer to the fire until Mark came back. He handed Jeno one of the two bottles in his hand before he let himself fall onto the free chair next to Donghyuck. Donghyuck looked down to where the bottle of beer was slowly but surely causing frostbite on his inner thighs. That was, until the bottle was taken from him and replaced with an opened ginger ale, a slice of lemon wedged into the opening.

Donghyuck looked up to find Mark’s gaze trained on Jeno and Jaemin.

“Thank you.”

Mark turned to look at him and winked, his smile so warm that it made the corners of Donghyuck’s mouth tilt upwards. Donghyuck smothered his laugh with the back of his hand when Mark took a swig of his own bottle and his face scrunched up in disgust at the harsh taste of the beer.

Before he could get caught, Donghyuck tuned into the conversation Jeno and Jaemin were having, taking a swig of his soda. He savoured the cool, fizzy sensation of the ginger ale against the heat of the fire.

The evening faded into the night and soon, Donghyuck found himself relaxing back into his lawn chair, basking in the presence of the people around him. At some point, Jaemin retrieved Mark’s acoustic guitar from the house and Donghyuck watched as one of the most famous idol groups in the world played an array of old rap songs in the backyard of his neighbour’s house.

It made a part of Donghyuck feel nauseous, the knowledge that his neighbour was one of them. That Mark was one of them. But then Donghyuck had known that. He had always known Mark would make it.

Even though Donghyuck was an amateur at music—his knowledge consisting entirely of the bits and pieces he had picked up from Mark over the years—he could tell that Jeno, Jaemin and Mark were fantastic together. They harmonised blindly, singing well even though that had never been the focus of their group.

It reminded Donghyuck of the countless night he had spent in the basement of one of Mark’s friends, watching them jam, though Donghyuck hadn’t paid much attention to the music then.

It was a loud beeping noise that shook Donghyuck out of his thoughts. For several, confused moments, Donghyuck looked around for the source of the noise until suddenly, Jaemin was screeching, bolting up from his lawn chair and running around the fire with his phone in front of his hands.

“Oh my fucking god, I knew it! I knew it! I knew it would find something!”

Disbelievingly, Donghyuck watched Jaemin zig zag across the garden, changing his direction whenever the beeping of his phone became more or less incessant.

“Uhm,” Donghyuck managed before Jeno was jumping up as well, chasing after Jaemin, who was now headed for the back fence separating the garden from the willow behind their houses.

“Jaemin! Come back here, you idiot! Ghosts don’t even exist! Unbelievable—Jaemin!” Jeno yelled and, with an audible groan, hoisted himself over the fence after Jaemin had taken a great, big leap right into the wilderness behind.

Donghyuck looked after them for a couple of perplexed moments before he turned to Mark, who had watched the whole ordeal with amusement written all over his face. He shrugged when he noticed Donghyuck’s questioning gaze.

“Jaemin has a slight obsession with the paranormal,” Mark explained, grinningly. “Don’t worry, they should be back in like half an hour tops.”

Donghyuck felt his heart skip a beat. They were alone.

“Uh,” Donghyuck clutched the empty bottle in his hand and held it up. “I’m going to get more. You want some too?”

Donghyuck pretended he didn’t see the unmistakable flash of disappointment in Mark’s eyes before Mark smiled at him and nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

Donghyuck reciprocated the nod and got up, made sure to cross by Jeno and Jaemin’s chairs instead of Mark’s on his way around the fire.

“Bottom shelf of the fridge in the kitchen,” Mark called after him.

“I know!” Donghyuck gave back before he could bite his tongue.

Once Donghyuck had made it into Mark’s kitchen, he ripped the door of the fridge open and stuck his head in. Greedily, Donghyuck sucked on the cold air. He hoped it would cool down the blood rushing to his head. As soon as Donghyuck got the feeling his forehead was about to freeze, his picked up two bottles of ginger ale from the bottom drawer and threw the door of the fridge back shut.

Jaemin and Jeno were still gone when Donghyuck returned, but he could hear their voices, far off in the willow behind the garden. Mark was looking down where he hadn’t moved from his chair, his eyes focussed on the strings of his guitar. He was plucking a couple of them, mumbling words too low for Donghyuck to hear and Donghyuck faltered in his steps, came to a halt.

For the first time, Donghyuck allowed himself to look at Mark, really look at him. He took in the way the flames let shadows dance over Mark’s features, a lot more defined now and less boyish than they were in the image of Mark Donghyuck carried in his mind.

He dragged his eyes from Mark’s hair over the even bridge of Mark’s nose down to his mouth, surrounded by a dust of stubble that hadn’t been there when Mark had walked into the coffee shop what felt like an eternity ago.

Before Donghyuck could think too much about how accustomed he was to Mark’s presence again already, he let his gaze wander further down Mark’s neck and wash over Mark’s collar bones, exposed by the undone upper buttons of Mark’s flannel.

Donghyuck wasn’t sure whether it was the low buzz of the alcohol in his blood, leaving the edges of his mind fuzzy, but watching the flames dance over Mark’s face made Donghyuck yearn for another time, another life when Mark’s eyes had ignited his bones and his mouth had held Donghyuck’s secrets and Mark’s hands had played his skin and not strings.

It made Donghyuck yearn for Mark.

He didn’t realise he was crying until he felt the first, heavy tear drop fall onto his bottom lip, leaving the taste of salt. It was an unfamiliar taste to Donghyuck now. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had cried since the realisation that his life had split into a before and an after Mark had broken his neck, leaving Donghyuck paralysed for weeks until he had pushed the brakes on his own misery.

Donghyuck let out a loud sob.

The sound made Mark’s head whip up, his eyes widening as he spotted Donghyuck standing in the middle of the lawn, the glass bottles long having slipped from his fingers. The alarm in Mark’s eyes amplified and then he was scrambling to his feet, resting the guitar on the ground in his haste to stand up.

“Shit, Donghyuck, what’s wrong?”

Unable to speak, Donghyuck reached out a hand. There was no oxygen in his lungs. He felt like his chest was caving in.

In an instant, Mark had bridged the distance between them, wrapped his arms around Donghyuck.“Fuck, Donghyuck.”

“Mark,” Donghyuck managed.

His gaze was clouded, more and more tears spilling out of his eyes. It felt like a dam inside his chest had broken, as if his anger had prohibited the puzzle pieces from falling into place, the realisation from kicking in. All Donghyuck saw and smelled and felt was Mark, there, right with him, surrounding him. Mark had been everywhere and now he was here with Donghyuck.

Mark was back.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Donghyuck could hear the panic in Mark’s voice. “It’s okay, Donghyuck. Whatever it is, it’s okay, yeah?”

Donghyuck could feel Mark’s hands in his hair. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck, so tightly he feared he was going to suffocate Mark, but the other man only held him tighter.

“Mark,” Donghyuck wrenched out, sobbed past the tears clouding his gaze and he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t ever let go again. “You’re here.”

“I’m here.” Mark laughed and the sound came out like an aborted hiccup because Mark was crying, too, Donghyuck realised. 

Mark knew. Of course, he knew. 

“I’m sorry, Donghyuck. I’m so sorry. I let you down even though I promised I wouldn’t and I’m am so sorry. But I’m here now, Donghyuck-ah. I came back. I came back for you. I’m here to make it right. Please, stop crying, baby.”

“Mark.” Donghyuck buried his face in the exposed skin of Mark’s shoulder, breathed in the familiar smile of laundry detergent and Mark.

“Please, tell me what you need, Donghyuck. You know I’d do everything for you. Whatever it is you need me to do, I’ll do it. Just stop crying, okay, baby?”

Against all his instincts, Donghyuck pulled away from Mark in order to look him into the eyes. Slowly, he lifted his hand from Mark’s neck and rested it on his cheek instead.

“Mark,” Donghyuck whispered.

It took a couple of seconds, seconds during which Donghyuck fought his heart would burst with how hard it was hammering against his rib cage until realisation unfolded in Mark’s eyes. Donghyuck had answered his question.

His touch was gentle, so gentle as he cupped Donghyuck’s face and smiled. Donghyuck couldn’t take it anymore. He surged forward and pressed their lips together, willing to sacrifice his soul if it meant just feeling whole for one more moment.

Mark reacted in an instant, letting his mouth fall open as he pulled Donghyuck against him by the waist. Mark kissed him back, so hard that it left Donghyuck dizzy with the need for more, unable to breathe even when Mark pulled away from him.

Donghyuck expected to find smug satisfaction in Mark’s eyes as he slowly opened his eyes, but there was no triumph in them. There was only love, such fierce love that Donghyuck remembered Mark’s words, all the times Mark had told him how much Donghyuck meant to him.

Donghyuck had known that Mark had meant every single word of them because that was how the world worked. Mark loved Donghyuck. And Mark had been right. Donghyuck loved him, too. Heaving as much air into his lungs as he could, Donghyuck slotted their mouths back together. All Donghyuck had ever done was loving Mark.

**“You’ve been on my mind since the flood**   
**Heaven help a fool who falls in love.”** **  
** **\- Ophelia // The Lumineers**

“Hey, no fair! Mark!”

Donghyuck pouted as he watched the bar above his digimon shrink into the reds before it vanished completely. On screen, his digimon did a couple dance moves before it fell off the screen.

The controller in Donghyuck’s hands vibrated and Donghyuck threw it onto the duvet next to him. It was a very childish move for an eleven-year-old, but Donghyuck didn’t care. This was the third time in a row he had lost to Mark playing Digimon Rumble Arena.

Mark next to him let out a victorious scream before jabbing Donghyuck in the ribs lightly. “I won!”

“You cheated.” Donghyuck crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Mark’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head in offense. “Did not!”

“Yes, you did!”

“Did not!”

Donghyuck huffed before jabbing a finger into Mark’s chest, right into the eye of the dragon printed onto the front of it. “You’re a cheater.”

Mark’s mouth snapped shut, his eyes narrowing on the finger Donghyuck held pressed against his chest and it was then that Donghyuck realised he had made a mistake. He had barely managed to scramble off the bed before he was tackled to the ground.

“Who are you calling a cheater?” Mark yelled into his ear.

With Mark’s arms locked around his middle and his face smushed into the plush carpet flooring of Mark’s room, Donghyuck squirmed in an attempt to free himself. “No, Mark, please! Mercy, mercy!”

Donghyuck knew that his begging was futile when Mark rolled them around so Donghyuck was caged on top of him. Before Mark could push him off in order to attack for real, Donghyuck used all the strength in his leg to kick out. Mark let out a wince and his grip around Donghyuck’s waist loosened.

Donghyuck used the opportunity and struggled free. He fled towards the door, his hand slipping from the handle when Mark crashed into him from behind, slinging his arms around Donghyuck before throwing him onto the bed. In that moment, Donghyuck hated every of the three inches Mark had gained on him during his latest growth spurt. 

Before Donghyuck could so much as reach back to swing against Mark, Mark had planted himself on Donghyuck’s stomach. Horror spread through Donghyuck’s body as he realised what Mark was planning to do.

“No, Mark, don’t tickle me, please, no! Mercy!”

Keeping Donghyuck’s hands suspended above his head with one arm Mark used the other to let his fingers dance across Donghyuck’s exposed belly where Donghyuck’s shirt had ridden up during their wrestling.  Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut at the assault and laughed until his belly was hurting with the force of it. It wasn’t until Donghyuck’s breath had run out and he was visibly gasping that Mark let off him.

“You’re so mean,” Donghyuck whined out while he slowly opened his eyes. “Everyone always says that you’re the nicer one, but that’s not true. You’re a meanie.”

Mark grinned at that, but his gaze seemed far away. It made Donghyuck sit up. 

“Mark?”

A tiny crease appeared between Mark’s brows, but the other boy didn’t drag his gaze up to meet Donghyuck’s eyes. His eyes were fixed on a point lower on Donghyuck’s face. A weird, prickling warmth spread in Donghyuck’s stomach as he realised what Mark was staring at.

Donghyuck had seen the expression in Mark’s eyes before. He had seen it in the movies his mother loved to watch and that Donghyuck pretended to hate because Doyoung and Donghyun always made gagging motions when the people starring in it kissed at the end. When they kissed.  Donghyuck had thought about kissing Mark before. He had wondered if Mark would mind trying it out, just to know what it felt like. Renjun had kissed before, been all smiley when he had told Donghyuck about it, and Donghyuck didn’t want to fall behind. Now, with Mark staring at his lips, Donghyuck burned with the need to know.

“Mark,” Donghyuck tried to gather all his courage, “look at me.”

Donghyuck’s words seemed to shake Mark out of his trance. He blinked and finally met Donghyuck’s gaze. Donghyuck smiled, feeling almost timid. It was a stupid thing to feel. Mark would never judge him.

“Do you want to kiss me, Mark?”

The furrow between Mark's eyebrows furrowed and then Donghyuck's words seemed to register with him. His breath stopped short, his eyes widening but then his gaze flickering back down to Donghyuck's lips, his tongue swiping out to lick his own. Donghyuck held still when Mark leaned forward and pecked him. 

This time, it was on Donghyuck to frown when Mark pulled away and he held him in place while reciprocating the gesture. Mark's lips were chapped and dry and kissing him made Donghyuck feel funny. 

"Weird," he breathed out once he pulled away and Mark blinked at him, dazed, before he nodded. 

"Weird," he agreed. 

Donghyuck wondered whether the people in the movies felt the same tingles in their bellies when they kissed someone they loved as he did right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update: 12/12/19. (CET) I'm always grateful for any kind of feedback <3  
>   
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> [the clouds playlist](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xDXQ0FGYE9Bl8F2S7B84G?si=NCts-DlcR1KilCYAlO9Bpw)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My professor let us out early, so I'm posting this a couple hours before midnight. I hope you enjoy! <3

**“I’ve crossed every line  
and broke every boundary** **  
****The church that I went to,  
it ain’t that holy”** **  
****\- Judgement Day // Stealth**

“Donghyuck.”

Reluctantly, Donghyuck opened his eyes, forced himself to look at Mark. Mark’s voice was raspy as he spoke and Donghyuck couldn’t look away from his lips, but there was a question in Mark’s eyes that demanded answering. After a moment of consideration, Donghyuck turned his head towards the willow, raising an eyebrow at Mark.

“Don’t worry about them.” Mark took his hand. “C’mon”

Donghyuck couldn’t help the silent breath of relief as he let Mark pull him towards the house. Donghyuck held tightly onto Mark as they crossed the living room, stumbled up the stairs and into Mark’s room. Once the door had fallen shut behind them and Mark had locked it, Mark was pushing Donghyuck up against the door like he had done when they had been sixteen and lost the ability to keep their hands off each other for more than an hour at a time. Eight hours of school had been hell then, but Donghyuck felt no need to complain. He hadn’t experienced school the way Mark did.

Pushing any and all high school memories aside, Donghyuck tightened his grip around Mark’s neck and savoured the taste of Mark’s lips back on his. It was still the most addictive taste Donghyuck knew.

Mark’s hand fell from his neck, squeezed his arm before he let it slip beneath Donghyuck’s shirt. Donghyuck felt his stomach muscles clench in the most delicious way.

“Mark,” he whimpered.

Nothing quite set his body on fire like the feeling of Mark kissing him. There were too many layers of clothing between them. Impatiently, Donghyuck ripped at the collar of Mark’s shirt. Mark pulled away, just far enough to tug Donghyuck’s shirt over his head before discarding his own. Donghyuck pulled Mark back in by the buckle of his belt and attached his mouth to Mark’s neck, effectively causing Mark’s hips to stutter against his.

“Fuck, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck felt hot all over. He popped the button of Mark’s jeans open and slipped his hand past the waistband of Mark’s underwear. Mark groaned as Donghyuck wrapped his hand around him. Donghyuck made sure to thumb over the slit of Mark’s cock before jerking him off, pulling his hand out and spitting into his palm to make the glide easier.

As Donghyuck had expected, the simple motion made Mark stutter in his thrusts, his head falling to the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. It made Donghyuck feel drunk, the knowledge that he still knew exactly how to turn Mark on. A low moan escaped him when Mark bit into his neck.

He curled one hand into Donghyuck’s shoulder and placed the other on the small of his back before he let it slip farther down, massaging the flesh of Donghyuck’s ass through his jeans.

”What do you want?” Mark asked, his voice barely controlled as Donghyuck was continuing to work his hand up and down and Donghyuck found his own desperation mirrored in Mark’s eyes.

“More,” Donghyuck stuttered, his jaw going slack against his will as Mark’s hand went into his boxers and he felt Mark’s index finger rub over his hole. “There, I need—”

Mark cut him off with a kiss. Donghyuck pushed his jeans and boxers down and quickly stepped out of them, making sure that his shoes and socks came off as well. He slung his legs around Mark’s waist when Mark picked him up and carried him over to the bed, Donghyuck’s head hitting the mattress with a low thud.

Mark stripped quickly and followed him, settled in between Donghyuck’s legs before folding himself over Donghyuck’s chest in order to press their lips back together. Mark pecked him on the mouth once, twice before he pulled away in order to reach for the top drawer of the bedside table.

Donghyuck watched Mark pop open the bottle of lube he had retrieved and spill a generous amount if it onto his fingers, rubbing them against each other to warm up the lube. Then Mark was back on top of him, pressing open-mouthed kisses down Donghyuck’s chest until he reached his crotch.

Mark wrapped one hand around the base of his dick and took the tip of Donghyuck’s cock into his mouth as he began to circle Donghyuck’s rim with his finger.

Donghyuck gasped when Mark began to push one finger in.

“You okay?” Mark asked him, concern lacing his words.

“Yeah.” Donghyuck nodded hastily. He didn’t want Mark to get the wrong idea and stop. “It’s just been long, is all.”

“Haven’t you—with…?”

“No.” Donghyuck shook his head. His heart skipped a beat as a cold hand seized his heart. “We didn’t—I didn’t—you?”

Mark’s eyes were ablaze when he met Donghyuck’s. He held Donghyuck’s gaze as he shook his head. “Never.”

And Donghyuck didn’t miss all the different ways in which Mark meant that. Donghyuck pulled Mark back up and slotted their mouths together, panting against Mark’s lips whenever the burn of the stretch threatened to overwhelm him. Mark worked him open slowly and Donghyuck could tell Mark was struggling to hold back.

“Don’t hold back.” Donghyuck murmured as he clenched around Mark’s fingers and relaxed. “Don’t hold back, Mark.”

Mark shook his head, muttering an unintelligible mess of vowels into Donghyuck’s skin as he began scissoring his fingers. Donghyuck’s back arched, an uninhibited moan spilling over his lips when Mark grazed his prostate.

“Fuck,” Mark muttered and repeated the action, causing Donghyuck to see stars. “Make that sound again, Hyuck-ah.”

Donghyuck squirmed and caught Mark’s face in his hands.

“Please,” he said as urgently as he could and Mark nodded, pulling his fingers out of Donghyuck to leave him clenching on nothing. It took every bit of self-control Donghyuck had not to wrap a hand around himself as he watched Mark reach for the bottle of lube and spread some of the slippery liquid all over his dick.

As soon as Mark had lined himself up, he looked up at Donghyuck and Donghyuck saw so many emotions swirling through Mark's eyes that it made him feel dizzy for a second.

“Are you sure about this?”

And Donghyuck felt his chest constrict almost painfully, he couldn’t breathe past all the love he felt for Mark and the fact that Mark was offering him an out.

“I want this.” Donghyuck did. Nothing in the world could make him pull away, now that he had breached the line. Now that he felt Mark inside and surrounding him again. “I want you. Please, Mark.”

Mark nodded and repositioned himself so that he was hovering above Donghyuck. He pressed their foreheads together and Donghyuck let his eyes flutter close, breathed past the stinging burn of the stretch as Mark pushed into him.

Donghyuck ran his hands up and down Mark’s back as Mark began to move inside of him until Mark took one of his hands and intertwined their fingers, rested them next to Donghyuck’s head.

“Don’t close your eyes,” Mark murmured, his pupils dilated as he met Donghyuck’s eyes, “please. Want to see you. It’s been so long.”

Donghyuck nodded and slotted their mouths together, his head falling back onto the pillow as he felt jolts of pleasure zipping up and down his spine, spreading all throughout his body. Donghyuck held Mark’s gaze as he began to gyrate his hips in order to meet Mark’s thrusts. Donghyuck drowned himself in the oceans within Mark’s eyes while Mark rocked into him over and over again.

Slowly but surely, Mark quickened his pace and Donghyuck felt his stomach muscles clench. Heat was rapidly pooling in his stomach and with a low moan, he slung his arms around Mark’s neck. He was almost there.

“God, you don’t even know what you do to me.” Mark groaned and his grip on Donghyuck’s hip tightened as his pace became almost erratic.

The air between them was filled with their panting and the sound of skin slapping against skin, sliding.

“Mark,” Donghyuck whined out.

“I know, baby.”

“M-Mark, I’m—" Donghyuck didn’t get any further as heat took over his body and his brain short-circuited. Pressing his eyes shut, he dug his nails into the soft flesh of Mark’s shoulders as his body spasmed with pleasure and he covered their stomachs in come.

Mark groaned as Donghyuck clenched around him and wrapped his free hand around Donghyuck’s thigh, spreading Donghyuck’s legs as far as possible as he drove into him at a pace so fast Donghyuck knew he would barely be able to walk tomorrow.

It wasn’t long until Mark’s movements stuttered before he fucked into Donghyuck once, twice and then he was coming as well, buried deep inside Donghyuck. The edges of Donghyuck’s mind went fuzzy as the aftershocks of his own orgasm made his muscles twitch, a low wince escaping him when he felt Mark pull out.

For several moments, they just breathed into each other’s mouths before the mattress dipped as Mark scrambled off the bed and onto his feet. He clambered into the en-suite bathroom, a feature of Mark being an only child that Donghyuck had always been envious of.

Donghyuck could hear Mark return shortly after and then he felt Mark’s lips against the bare skin of his chest while Mark ran the damp washcloth he had retrieved over Donghyuck's groin, ass and inner thighs. Mark wiped off first Donghyuck’s and then his own stomach before throwing the wash cloth through the open bathroom door.

As soon as Mark had laid down next to him, Donghyuck pried his eyes back open. He watched Mark pull the covers over them before he eventually rolled himself onto his side and met Donghyuck’s gaze. Donghyuck studied Mark’s face for a moment. He could feel Mark looking at him even after Donghyuck had averted his eyes.

Donghyuck let out a small yawn, just when Mark’s hand came up to brush his hair off his forehead. His eyes were becoming heavier with each time he blinked. He had nearly dozed off when Mark’s voice pulled him back into the right now.

“Donghyuck?”

Hesitantly, Donghyuck let pried his eyes back open.

“Are you okay?”

Donghyuck took a couple of slow breaths, watching Mark. If Donghyuck let his eyes flutter back shut, he could still feel Mark’s hands roaming over his body, the words he had muttered into Donghyuck’s ear while they had moved together.

The expression in Mark’s eyes now was the same as when they had slept together, the same love causing the rest of Donghyuck’s world to fade out, shrink until there was nothing left but Mark, always Mark. It was so easy to pretend they were the only people on earth.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck settled on, eventually, “I’m okay.”

Mark leaned forward and Donghyuck couldn’t help the smile that made the corners of his mouth tilt upwards when Mark brushed their lips together. His chest was still heavy but for now, here under the sheets with Mark, Donghyuck could pretend everything was alright.

“God, I missed you so much,” Mark murmured against his jaw, grazing his teeth over the sensitive bone.

“I missed you, too,” Donghyuck curled his hand around Mark’s upper arm. 

_You don’t even know how much,_ Donghyuck thought. Feeling the weight of Mark’s fingers on his hip, Donghyuck let his eyes flutter shut.

 **“I hope we stay thick as thieves**   
**butter and bread,  
** **pillars of colonial homes”**   
**\- Unconsolable // X Ambassadors**

Donghyuck was impatiently bouncing from one foot onto the other. He craned his neck as far as possible, determined to look over the small crowd of people in front of them. But because neither of the people cared to move out of the way for a small, twelve-year-old boy who wanted to look past them, Donghyuck was left to lower himself back down onto the heels of his feet and cross his arms in front of his chest.

“Be patient, Donghyuck, they’ll arrive any second. You’ll just have to wait,” his mother reprimanded him when she noticed his twitchy behaviour.

But Donghyuck didn’t want to wait. Donghyuck had waited six weeks for Mark to return from summer camp. Six weeks filled with nothing to do but reading books and watching his older brothers play football in the backyard. Donghyuck wanted the big yellow bus that had taken Mark away from him to bring him Mark back already. Frowning when he realised that there was still no sign of the yellow bus at the end of the street, Donghyuck casted his eyes down instead and shoved his hand into his back pocket. 

Donghyuck pulled out the postcard that Mark had sent him during his second week at camp. The cardboard was a little worn from the many times Donghyuck had folded the postcard in order for it to fit into the small pocket. Donghyuck tried to smooth it out as best as possible before let his eyes skim over Mark’s chicken scrawl for what felt like the hundredth time.

As opposed to the fit Mark that thrown when his parents had announced to him at the beginning of summer that they had signed him up for the summer camp, the postcard sounded very enthusiastic. Mark talked about how despite the hot weather and lack of video games, he had become friends with one of the counsellors and so was able to spent his days ditching the program in favour of hanging out with some kids from the oldest group, friends of the counsellor that had signed up for the camp in order to not leave their friend alone. Mark had gotten into a lot of shenanigans with them and at one point they had even went paddling onto the lake in the middle of the night. Donghyuck was happy that Mark seemed to have had a good time. He chewed on his bottom lip and ran his nail over a corner of the postcard over and over again until eventually, the cardboard began to tear.

It was his mother’s voice that made Donghyuck look up. “Donghyuck, what are you doing? The bus is here!”

Alerted, Donghyuck jumped a little to peek a glimpse at the bus that had just pulled up to the curb, its doors opening and a flood of kids spilling out. As soon as he couldn’t take it anymore, Donghyuck elbowed his way past kids hugging their parents and a group of girls all hugging each other goodbye until he had eventually made his way to the front entrance of the bus.

Donghyuck scanned the crowd and was gutted to find that he couldn’t see Mark anywhere. Furrowing his brows, Donghyuck scanned the crowd again, and this time, he spotted Mark. The thirteen-year-old was standing with a couple of kids that had to be at least two or three years older than him. The tallest of them, a lanky boy with chin-length brown hair, had his arm wrapped around Mark’s shoulders. Donghyuck only managed to notice that out of the corner of his eye, though.

His main attention was caught by Mark’s hair. The previously brown strands were a bright, cherry red now. Apart from the hair, Mark had gained a couple of centimetres during the summer as well and his posture had changed. He was standing more upright now, the expression on his face foreign to Donghyuck.

The sight filled Donghyuck with strange nervousness. Suddenly, there was a lump in his throat and Donghyuck’s heart was thumping loudly in his ears. Mark looked so different now. He looked so much more different than _Donghyuck’s_ Mark.

It was then, that Mark looked up and spotted him. Mark’s expression changed as soon as realisation had spread over his features and like that, the ties that had knotted Donghyuck’s stomach were gone.

Because Donghyuck knew that smile. Donghyuck knew that slight wiggle of head that Mark only did when he was really excited. Donghyuck felt his own mouth distort into a grin as he watched Mark shake off the arm around his shoulder and take a running start.

Donghyuck uttered a very unmanly squeak as lanky but strong arms wrapped around his middle and he was lifted off the ground.

“Donghyuck!” Mark yelled into his ear and Donghyuck couldn’t help the overwhelming, all-consuming tingle that took over his body. Mark’s presence made him buzz with energy.

“Mark!” Donghyuck cheered right back and took his turn to hug Mark. “You’re back!”

“I’m back!” Mark laughed and reciprocated the hug eagerly, patting Donghyuck on the back so hard that it hurt, but Donghyuck wasn’t going to complain.

“How have you been?” Mark asked him as soon as they had pulled apart. Donghyuck tried to slap away the hand Mark used to card Donghyuck’s fringe out of his eyes, but to no avail. “How was your summer, Donghyuck-ah? Did your brothers treat you okay or do I need to kick their asses?”

Donghyuck felt his eyebrows rise a little bit at the statement. He had never heard Mark talk about kicking someone’s ass before, not of anyone that was older than them at least.

“Oh, you know,” Donghyuck shrugged, “it was good. Boring without you. Donghyun and Doyoung were okay. How was camp, though? Tell me everything!”

“Oh, man, I don’t even know where to start. It was awesome, but I missed you so much, Donghyuck-ah. Here, let me introduce you to some people.”

Donghyuck found that he had no problems smiling at the new friends Mark had made and slap his hands into the high fives they offered. Donghyuck felt at ease with the weight of Mark’s arm around his shoulder, and the knowledge that Mark may have grown a couple of centimetres and dyed his hair, but that he was still Donghyuck’s Mark underneath and probably always would be.

 **“And I said, ‘Hey, what's on your mind?’  
** **I think about my life without you  
** **and I start to cry”**   
**\- Circles // Pierce The Veil**

Donghyuck woke up to an empty bed. He lifted his head off the pillow with a groan, a slight crease appearing between his brows as he found Mark’s half of the bed empty. Blinking against the sunlight filtering in through the window, Donghyuck sat up, an audible wince escaping his lips as his ass throbbed in protest at the unexpected movement. Rubbing his hand over his face over and over again, Donghyuck looked around, but to no avail. The sight didn’t change. He was alone in Mark’s room.

Biting his lip harshly, Donghyuck stilled and listened. As far as he could tell, there was no one on the hallway outside either. Carefully, as not to make his sore muscles hurt any more, Donghyuck slid out of bed and began to search for his clothes that were strewn all over the floor. Putting his shoes on was a pain in the ass, literally, but eventually Donghyuck had managed to fully clothe himself.

Once he had tamed the sleep-mussed nest on his head into somewhat of a presentable look, Donghyuck pried open the door to Mark’s room and slowly pulled it shut behind him. The unmistakable smell of bacon and fried eggs gave Donghyuck an idea where Mark had went.

Humming, Donghyuck made his way downstairs. He remembered to skip the second last step from the bottom that creaked and made a beeline for the kitchen door.

Donghyuck’s hand was already on the handle when he heard voices, sounding from behind the closed door of the kitchen that made him falter in his movements. His curiosity getting the best of him, Donghyuck pressed his ear against the varnished wood instead of pushing it open.

“... don’t get it, is all.”

Donghyuck recognised Jeno’s voice, slightly muffled by the door that was separating them.

“I know, but you can’t really understand that.” That was Mark. He sounded tired, exasperated but not annoyed. Just like he had had this conversation many times before.

“No,” Jeno, on the other hand, did sound annoyed, “what I understand is that you’re fucking your ex-boyfriend while said ex-boyfriend is already in a new relationship.”

Donghyuck clasped a hand over his mouth in order to muffle the noise that had escaped him.

“Hey, don’t talk about him like that! And don’t—don’t say it like that. That’s not how it is.”

“Mark,” Jeno’s voice gave back, almost pleadingly. “This is a recipe for disaster. And somehow I feel like you’re not going to come out of this unscathed. Apart from the fact that you’re taking a huge risk here, I’m really scared you’ll get hurt in this, man.”

Donghyuck could hear some rummaging and the sound of cutlery being picked out of a drawer.

After several beats of silence, Mark’s voice said, “I appreciate you trying to look out for me, Jen, I really do, but trust me when I tell you not to worry about that. I get why you’re worried about the other guy, but trust me when I say that I’m not.

“He’s just a bump in the road. It’s probably even good that Donghyuck started dating him because there’s always this scene in the movies where they break up to like go explore and find themselves and some shit, right? I left and then I fucked up badly and Jaehyun is a consequence of that.

“But Donghyuck is going to break up with him soon and then we’ll be back together. As long as there are clouds in the sky, he’ll always find his way back to me. And if I have to wait a bit for him to do so, then that’s only fair.”

“Mhm.” For a moment, Donghyuck thought that Jeno was going to drop the topic after that. “What about you, though?”

“What about me?” Mark asked.

“Are you sure you’re going to be happy?”

Mark’s reply came within a heartbeat, made Donghyuck’s heart skip a beat. “He’s my happiness.”

“Okay,” Donghyuck could hear Jeno relent, if relucantly so. “If you say so.”

“I do.”

For a couple of seconds there was nothing but the sound of cutlery moving over plates, before Mark spoke up again, “Listen, I know you can’t really understand this because you haven’t got a Donghyuck but it’s like… he made me, you know? Donghyuck was my whole world when we were younger and I need it to be that way again.

“Donghyuck will always be it for me. It will always be us. And this all is just one hardship in the life that we’ll have. Something that we’ll laugh about when we’re forty and married, sitting in our house with our dog and a white picket fence.”

“And does Donghyuck know that the white picket fence isn’t an option anymore?”

Donghyuck furrowed his brows and pressed himself impossibly closer to the door, trying to hear Mark’s answer, but it never came.

“What?” Jeno said. “Don’t look at me like that, Mark. You know it’s true. You told me fame broke you two once before. Who’s to say that it’s not going to happen a second time?”

Donghyuck couldn’t make out Mark’s answer. Mark’s voice was drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears, his heart thumping against his rib cage. Pushing himself off the door with shaking hands, Donghyuck made a beeline for the front door. Once he was outside, he didn’t stop running until he had reached his own home.

 **“Take me down,  
** **let it take another bow now  
** **You know that I can't stay sober yet”**   
**\- Two Stones // Walking On Cars**

“Morning!”

Jaehyun greeted him with a short peck on the lips when Donghyuck entered the back room of the coffee shop. Donghyuck forced himself to smile, quickly dove under Jaehyun’s arms where he was busy hoisting a fresh sack of coffee beans off the storage shelf.

“Your mum came by earlier, the new espresso machine finally arrived and she wants it set up as soon as possible. I had the delivery guy show me how, so I can do it and I’d just need you to cover the counter.”

Donghyuck nodded, pulling his apron over his head and tying the strings behind his back. “That’s cool.”

He jolted a little when he looked up to find Jaehyun leaning with his shoulder against his locker, his eyes fixed on Donghyuck intently.

“Are you okay? You look tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night?”

Donghyuck collected his heart from his knees before he rubbed the back of his head. He supressed the urge to violently shake his head when he remembered the feeling of Mark’s hands tangling in his hair the night before, the feeling of Mark’s mouth on his lips, the feeling of Mark inside him.

“Yeah, I fell asleep watching Naruto.”

He was a coward. He was a liar. He didn’t deserve the easy trust with which Jaehyun accepted his lie.

His lovely, dimpled smile when he said, “Oh, well, good thing you work in a coffee shop, then!”

Donghyuck reciprocated Jaehyun’s grin with one of his own and watched with relief as Jaehyun turned around, gathered up the sack of coffee beans and carried them out to the counter area on one shoulder. Donghyuck made sure that his expression was schooled into his neutral but friendly customer face before he followed him out into the shop.

The morning in-rush was thankfully already over and so Donghyuck kept himself busy by wiping the counters and occasionally walking by the few tables that were currently occupied. He jolted every time the bell above the door jingled. It was never a mop of black or pink hair that came in, though and eventually, Donghyuck relaxed, made sure to keep close to the counter once Jaehyun started unboxing the espresso machine.

It was almost noon when Mark appeared in the shop, a baseball cap pulled down low into his face, his eyes obstructed by a pair of shades despite the drizzling rain outside. Donghyuck made sure that Jaehyun was still engrossed in setting up the espresso machine before he snatched up a wet cloth from the sink and made a beeline for Mark, pushing the other man down into a booth out of sight from the register before he bent himself over the table, began to wipe the already spotless tabletop.

“You can’t be here.”

Mark squinted at him, Donghyuck could tell despite the sunglasses.

Mark’s voice was soft when he spoke, “I made you breakfast this morning. You weren’t there.”

Donghyuck felt his hand cease its movements on the table. A moment later, Mark took the cloth out of Donghyuck’s hands and replaced it with his fingers. Donghyuck felt nauseous, so he let himself fall into the bench opposite of Mark. Mark had taken off his shades and Donghyuck hated it, hated all the love and honest wonder in Mark’s eyes.

“I couldn’t stay.”

Mark nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching.

“Okay. Can you—” Mark looked where their hands were still intertwined. Mark’s grasp around his fingers became almost painfully tight for a moment. “—tell me why?”

“I…” Donghyuck couldn’t swallow past the lump in his throat.

He didn’t know how he could convey to Mark how he was feeling. Donghyuck had spent the whole morning with Jeno’s words replaying in his head, _“You told me this life broke you two once before. Who’s to say that it’s not going to happen a second time?”_

And Jeno was right. Mark was here now, but he would have to leave eventually. Mark would leave and leave Donghyuck behind again. And once he was gone, Mark might fade again, whirled away by the fast and high life that he had always dreamt of. Too fast and too high for Donghyuck to even grasp.

Mark’s life had turned into a carousel, spinning too swiftly for Donghyuck to jump onto the platform. It was just hard, to have Mark in front of him, to see the way Mark looked at him and cling to that resolution. So Donghyuck was left silent.

It was a low shout that made the both of them look up, followed by the sound of expensive coffee machine parts clattering to the ground and a string of mild curses. Mark’s gaze darkened as his eyes stayed fixed towards the counter area for several moments, but cleared when he looked back at Donghyuck.

“Did you break up with him yet?” Mark asked it nonchalantly, as if he was just making easy conversation.

Donghyuck could feel it, a physical pain in his chest. It was a giant knot in his head, all his emotions tangling up the windings up his brain.

Donghyuck looked anywhere in the room, but Mark’s face when he answered, “I’m not sure if I want to.”

He could feel it, Mark’s silence and the words it smothered. When Donghyuck eventually gathered the courage to meet Mark’s eyes, Mark nodded at him, nothing more than an infinitesimal tilt of his head.

His eyes were hollow as he stood up. “Okay.”

“Mark—”

Donghyuck could see it in Mark’s eyes, the silent, burning plead to speak up, begging Donghyuck to say something and mend them. But Donghyuck couldn’t. He couldn’t get back together with Mark and lose him again. Donghyuck wouldn’t survive that a second time.

After several, long moments, Donghyuck watched Mark’s shoulders sag before he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and threw a handful of bills on the table. For what, Donghyuck wasn’t sure.

Not sparing him another glance, Mark turned around, left Donghyuck to look after him. He stayed in the booth, long after the bell above the door had chimed and Mark had left the coffee shop. Once Donghyuck could breathe past the overwhelming yearning in his chest, he pulled himself to his feet and got back to work.

The rest of the day dragged on like bubble gum and Donghyuck was more than thankful when he got to clock out at seven. Jaehyun had gone an hour earlier than him because he had some kind of family dinner to attend and Donghyuck was thankful for that, too.

Donghyuck felt an overwhelming sense of guilt whenever he looked at his boyfriend just to find Jaehyun already smiling brightly at him. But Donghyuck knew that he deserved that. His head was aching.

Donghyuck blamed it on the incessant pounding in the back of his head that he missed the bright red Hyundai parked in his driveway when he made his way up the stairs to his house. It wasn’t until he pushed his front door open to hear his mother exclaiming his name that Donghyuck noticed all the lights in the house were on.

Not a second later, Donghyuck found himself attacked, a loud wince escaping him as he was captured in a headlock.

“Ow, fuck! Get off of me, you mother—”

“Wow, language, Hyuckie! Who taught you such naughty words? Our dear mother didn’t raise you like that, did she?”

“No, she did not!” Donghyuck could hear his mother supply from the kitchen.

When Donghyuck craned his neck despite the arm slung around it to look at her apologetically, his winked at him. There was a new glow in her eyes, one that always appeared whenever one of her children came home.

Donghyuck pushed against his brother’s chest, suppressed the urge to deck Doyoung in the face in favour of sauntering into the kitchen and pecking his mother on the cheek.

“What are you doing here?” he directed at Doyoung whose upper body had disappeared into the fridge.

“Semester break, dearest brother,” Doyoung answered as he remerged, popping the cap of a soda can.

“Already?” Donghyuck cast a quick glance at the calendar hanging on the wall.

Doyoung clutched his chest, “Ah, jeez, nice to know you missed me, little brother.”

“Eh, what can I say.” Donghyuck shrugged while he walked towards the living room. “Donghyun’s my favourite brother.”

He took off into a running start when he heard Doyoung curse behind him. Donghyuck couldn’t help the uncontrollable laughter that spilled out of his mouth as Doyoung tackled him and sent them both sailing over the back rest of the couch.

They wrestled for a couple of moments before Donghyuck found himself back in a headlock, his legs vainly kicking out against the arm rest of the couch.

Doyoung laughed into his ear before he let him go, ruffling Donghyuck’s hair. “Missed you, brat.”

Donghyuck gasped, directing a glance towards the kitchen. Doyoung pressed a finger to his lips and winked. Then he slung his arm around Donghyuck’s neck and pulled him against his chest so the back of Donghyuck’s head was resting on his shoulder.

“Now, Mum’s been telling me all about exciting things happening around here. Care to tell me all about that? She said you were ‘more fit’ to tell me.”

“Well...” Donghyuck tried to keep his face composed into something calm. “Mark’s back.”

Doyoung took a sip of his soda, still safely clutched in his hand before he asked, “Who now?”

“Mark Lee.”

Donghyuck whined when a big splash of soda soiled the front of his shirt. “Hey!”

Shuddering at the cold liquid running down his stomach, Donghyuck wriggled around until he was facing Doyoung. Doyoung’s eyes were unfocussed, the can in his hand gouged in.

“What?” he asked eventually, blinking until his eyes refocussed. “What, Donghyuck?”

“Uh.” And it was then that Donghyuck remembered the last time he had talked to his brother, both of his brothers, about Mark. Donghyuck hurried to get off the couch, just so managed to catch Doyoung before he was out the door.

“No, let me go! Donghyuck!”

“Doyoung!”

“I just want to talk to him.” Doyoung smiled at him as he struggled against the hands Donghyuck had clutched into his collar, the distorted grin causing chills to run down Donghyuck’s spine. “Have a few words, you know? Just old neighbours talking.”

“I slept with him,” Donghyuck blurted out. The words took a few moments to settle between them, Doyoung’s eyes widening so far that Donghyuck got scared they might pop out of his brother’s head. But then Doyoung’s gaze darkened.

“Hey, mum!” the older man called out. “Hyuckie and I are going to sit down on the back porch for a little bit! Take your time with dinner!”

Next, Doyoung grabbed his arm and pulled Donghyuck towards the terrace door. His voice was deadly calm when he said, “Come on, little brother. I think there’s quite a lot you have to tell me.”

 **“When they closed their eyes  
** **and prayed you would change  
** **And they cut your hair  
** **and sent you away”**   
**\- Twin Size Mattress // The Front Bottoms**

“Hey, Donghyuck, wait up!”

Donghyuck spun around when he heard his name being called. From across the schoolyard, far back where the high schoolers had claimed the picnic tables as their territory, he could see a tall, lanky boy jog towards him, his chin-length hair flopping into his eyes as he did so.

Donghyuck ignored the raised eyebrows Chenle and Jisung were giving him and forced a smile onto his face, “Don’t wait up for me, guys.”

Chenle’s eyes darted curiously back and forth between Donghyuck and the approaching figure before Jisung pulled him away with an eyeroll and a “Bye, Donghyuck! See you tomorrow!”

“Hey,” Johnny Seo greeted him as soon as he had arrived by Donghyuck’s side, his breathing lightly strained.

Donghyuck nodded, feeling a little bit intimidated. He had talked to Johnny before, had even hung around his basement several times and petted his dog that one time he had been brave enough to go into the kitchen alone to get some water.

But Donghyuck had never talked to him on his own. Johnny was Mark’s friend, ever since Mark had gone to summer camp that one time and befriended Johnny, who had been a counsellor there.

“What’s up?” Donghyuck asked, trying to sound as nonchalantly as possible, and jammed his hands into the pockets of his school slacks.

Johnny smiled at him, but his eyes were filled with concern which, in return, left Donghyuck concerned. “I need to talk to you about Mark.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck felt his shoulders tense, “okay.”

Johnny nodded, the glint of something in his eyes that was a tad too savvy for Donghyuck’s liking. “So you know Yuta got detention and has to work at the school office this week, right?”

Donghyuck nodded. He hadn’t known that but he could tell that wasn’t really the point of Johnny’s story.

“Yeah, well Yuta overheard a phone call between one of the secretaries and the police. They’re dispatching a CPS type of shit person because Mark has skipped school too often. The secretary said they might take Mark away from his parents if he doesn’t start showing up to his classes.”

Donghyuck felt a cold hand seize his heart. His nails were digging into the palms of his hands where his fingers had balled into fists seemingly on their own. The school was trying to get Mark taken away from his parents, away from Donghyuck.

“Okay,” Donghyuck managed to press out.

“You need to talk to him.” Johnny searched his eyes for a moment, his expression smoothing out a bit when he saw that Donghyuck had understood what he was trying to say. “Convince him to start dragging his ass to this hellhole place, and that regularly. I’ve tried before but he didn’t really listen to me, to you however—”

“Seo!” one of the high schoolers yelled over the yard. Donghyuck thought his name to be Taehyun or Taeyang or something.

Johnny flipped the other guy off before turning back to Donghyuck. “I gotta go, but just talk to him alright? He listens to you.”

Donghyuck nodded, shooting Johnny a reflexive smile when the older boy clapped him on the back before returning to his friends.

Donghyuck was still thinking about Johnny’s words when he found himself perched on his window sill that evening, one leg dangling in the air outside, the other into his room. It was drizzling, but Donghyuck welcomed the cool sensation against his skin as he looked through the opened curtains into Mark’s room.

Mark’s mother had flicked on the ceiling light, allowing Donghyuck an uninhibited view as he watched Mark’s parents talk to the corner of Mark’s room that held his bed. Donghyuck didn’t have to be able to see Mark, or hear what his parents were saying to gather how the conversation went.

He had seen the CPS car in front of the Lee’s house when he had come home from school. At one point, Mark’s mother started crying, Mark’s dad rubbing her back helplessly as he continued to talk. But Donghyuck could tell he was at a loss, like all adults were when it came to Mark. It hadn’t been that way when they had been younger, and he could tell that Mark’s parents blamed themselves for that.

Shortly after, Mark’s parents left his room and Donghyuck let himself fall back into his room. He didn’t bother closing his window as he flopped himself down on his bed. Not a minute later, there was a couple of heavy thuds, the unmistakeable sound of feet over his floor and the Donghyuck felt a hand in his hair where he lay with his face pressed into the mattress.

Sighing heavily, Donghyuck rolled himself over so he was half on top of Mark, his ear resting on the side of Mark’s chest that was absent a heartbeat. “Johnny said they want to take you away.”

Mark’s chest revibrated as he hummed. “Missed school too often. They say if I miss one more class, they’re gonna put me in a group home or something where the school bus is a police car.”

“Are you going to go school tomorrow then?”

Mark looked down at him for only a second before he averted his eyes, shrugged. “Dunno yet, maybe.”

“Mark—”

“It kills me, Donghyuck.” Donghyuck snapped his mouth shut, allowed Mark to speak.

He could tell that Mark needed to. He knew that Mark’s parents surely hadn’t let him.

“It kills me to sit in a stuffy room for eight hours every day, listening to teachers that couldn’t give less of a shit about whether we learn something of use or not. I’m not like you, I don’t have fun when I get handed a paper full of equations. I can feel myself dying, just sitting there dressed up like my dad and doing nothing, watching the hours pass. It’s not for me. I can’t do it. It’s not me.”

Donghyuck bit his lip, kept his eyes cast downward as he blindly placed his hand onto Mark’s cheek. He had known that Mark was unhappy. Donghyuck couldn’t recall a time that Mark had ever enjoyed school, but Donghyuck hadn’t known how far Mark’s suffering went.

He had only known that, during the past year, Mark had fallen out of line, with his absences and the ‘creative freedom’ that he took when it came to wearing his school uniform. Donghyuck was glad that he only knew half the things Mark got up to with Johnny and his friends before Mark climbed into Donghyuck’s bed at night, so late that Donghyuck often only realised Mark was there when he woke up for school.

Donghyuck had frowned upon Mark staying in bed on most of those mornings, but he had figured that it was Mark’s decision, his faith in Mark and the knowledge how truly smart Mark was prohibiting him from speaking up. But now it was different. Now they were going to take Mark away.

“You have to go to school, Mark.” Donghyuck looked up and he hated the way Mark’s eyes screamed betrayal at him as Donghyuck gritted his teeth and continued on, “Please, it’s not that long anymore.”

“Two years,” Mark huffed and he knew Mark wasn’t mad at him but the way he disregarded Donghyuck’s words so easily made Donghyuck’s heart seize in his chest. Donghyuck lashed out with the only thing he knew that held actual leverage over Mark.

“You won’t be able to make music in a group home, Mark.” Donghyuck sat up onto his knees, balled his fists in his lap. “You have to go to school. You have to—you have to find a way or else you’ll lose your guitar and-and everything else too.”

Donghyuck hadn’t expected the panic but suddenly it was there and he couldn’t breathe anymore. Mark was almost as fast as the panic, wrapping him up in his arms and slowly rocking them back and forth.

Donghyuck didn’t cry, even though he wanted to. He didn’t have time to cry. He needed to convince Mark to listen to him. Johnny had been right. If Mark were to listen to anyone, it would be him.

“You’ll lose me too.”

To Donghyuck’s surprise, the expression on Mark’s face was gentle when Mark pulled away in order to cup his face between his hands. “It’s okay, Donghyuck-ah.”

Donghyuck gritted his teeth and shook his head. It was obviously not okay.

“I’ll do it.”

That made Donghyuck’s head whip up, so fast it were probably only Mark’s hands fixating his head that prohibited Donghyuck from breaking his own neck.

Mark shot him a smile, small but determined. “I’ll find a way to survive the next two years. Survive the last three months of this year without skipping in the first place. I’ll go to school. I promise I won’t let them take me away from you. We’ll stay together.”

Mark leaned forward and pressed their lips together. “I promise.”

“Okay.” Donghyuck’s eyes burned with unspilled tears as he spoke.

Mark’s expression darkened as he noticed the brimming state of Donghyuck’s eyes so Donghyuck kissed him until he could feel Mark smile against his lips. Then he pressed their foreheads together.

“Okay. Thank you.”

Mark just pulled him further onto his lap until Donghyuck was straddling him, buried his face in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. Donghyuck mouthed silent words of gratitude into Mark’s hair while they stayed like that, Mark’s hands drawing patterns onto Donghyuck’s skin where he had slipped his hands underneath the hem of Donghyuck’s shirt.

They stayed like this until Donghyuck began to get uncomfortable. Mark noticed and began to maneuver Donghyuck off his lap, his hand grazing Donghyuck’s crotch accidentally. Donghyuck whimpered and Mark’s eyes widened in realisation as he scanned Donghyuck up and down for the source of his discomfort.

“Donghyuck,” Mark breathed out.

Donghyuck looked to the side. He could feel his cheeks heat up.

Mark blew air onto his nose, rolled his eyes when Donghyuck squinted at him. “You should have said something.”

Donghyuck whined, “No, it’s stupid.” He tried to clamber off of Mark’s lap, glaring at Mark when the other boy kept him in place. “Just cuddling with you shouldn’t make me feel that way. ‘s embarrassing. That were like five minutes. “

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Mark frowned at him. “It’s only me. Besides, I like it.”

Mark’s eyes glistened with that certain kind of darkness that made Donghyuck’s problem only worse as he added, “I like it that I make you feel that way. Can I touch you?”

Donghyuck felt his breath hitch at the words and his mind wandered to the times they had done this before. It had never more than a few touches, a little needed friction through palms pressed against each other’s jeans when they had kissed late at night. Donghyuck was used to kissing Mark. What Mark suggested, though, that was new.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck breathed out, “yeah, okay.”

Mark nodded, beaming as he pecked Donghyuck on the lips and then kissed him more deeply, flopping them to the side so Donghyuck landed on his back and Mark could hover above him, bracing one of Donghyuck’s legs with his own, his thigh pressing against Donghyuck’s boner.

Donghyuck’s mouth fell open when he felt Mark’s mouth latch onto his neck, Mark’s head slipping beneath the waistband of his jeans and into his boxers. The moment Mark’s hand, still cool from the drizzle outside, wrapped around his hot flesh, Donghyuck lost all ability to speak.

He merely managed to produce a low whining sound when Mark asked him whether he was okay. Once Donghyuck had reassured him to go on, Mark began to slowly pump his hand up and down, using the precome leaking from the tip of Donghyuck’s cock to smooth his way down.

“Does it feel good?” Mark asked him, uncertainty making his voice seem almost foreign to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck hurried to nod, curled his hand around Mark’s upper arm as he answered. Somehow, he found it hard to keep his eyes open, not when the hot, bright sensation of pleasure was zipping up and down his spine. “Yeah, feels really good if you do it. Please, don’t stop.”

Mark smiled at him, warmly with an underlying, different kind of heat in his gaze and then pressed their lips back together as he continued to stroke him. Donghyuck felt his skin bruise when Mark went back to sucking at his neck. Normally, he would have pushed Mark’s head further down, make sure all the hickeys Mark left on him ended up somewhere he could cover, but this time, Donghyuck couldn’t bring himself to care.

It was worth the please expression in Mark’s eyes, the bright glint in them as he pulled the collar of Donghyuck’s shirt to leave more marks on his collar bone.

“Mark,” Donghyuck gasped as Mark began to rock against his thigh, the hardness of his best friend heavy against his leg.

And maybe it was that feeling that tipped Donghyuck over the edge, the knowledge that Mark wasn’t any better off than him, that Mark was just as desperate to be touched as Donghyuck was. Donghyuck came with a shout that was entirely too loud to be uttered by him at ten p.m. on a school night.

Mark kissed him while Donghyuck felt stars erupt behind his eyelids and spilled over all over Mark’s fingers. Mark stroked his hair while Donghyuck revelled in his high, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the side of his face until eventually, the movement of Mark’s hips against his leg ceased and Mark shuddered, his grip on Donghyuck’s hair tightening momentarily.

Mark positively collapsed on him. Donghyuck wheezed, but slung his arms around Mark nonetheless.

“Uhm.” Mark cleared his throat after some time. “Can I borrow one of your sweatpants?”

Donghyuck laughed and Mark joined in after a moment.

“Sure,” Donghyuck pressed out in between fits of laughter and rolled Mark off of him so he could get up.

Mark pulled him back onto the bed by his hand once Donghyuck had returned. They struggled to shimmy out of their jeans while lying down but eventually the both of them had managed.

“Come here,” Mark asked once Donghyuck had thrown the balled-up heap of soiled pants into the designated dirty-clothes-corner of his room.

Willingly, Donghyuck curled himself against Mark’s chest.

“Thank you.”

Donghyuck blinked up at the other boy, tilted his head in question. “For what?”

Mark looked at him for a moment before shaking his head. There were damp streaks running down the side of his face where sweat had fallen from his hair. “Nothing. Sleep well, Donghyuck-ah.”

Donghyuck felt confused for a moment, but decided to let it go. He had already changed Mark’s mind once today. Doing it twice in one day would have come to close to a miracle.

Burying his face back in Mark’s chest, Donghyuck let his eyes flutter close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update: 13/12/19. (CET) I'm always grateful for any kind of feedback <3  
>   
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> [the clouds playlist](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xDXQ0FGYE9Bl8F2S7B84G?si=NCts-DlcR1KilCYAlO9Bpw)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I talked about this on twitter a bit, but I wanted to say here too that I'm really amazed by the comments on this fic. I am so amazed at how distinguished, critical and well-understanding every single one of them is. It's honestly amazing for me to see because this fic is not an easy one, but it seems that everyone gets why it is the way it is and why these characters do what they do and, as a writer, it just makes me proud to see people reading a fic that includes an unpopular trope and they form an actual differentiated opinion on the characters. I'm just very happy and proud of you, thank you! 
> 
> Now enough of me talking, update time, heh!

**“When the weight of the world is held in our hands** **  
** **We have to take the strain just to save our plans”** **  
** **\- Sinking Ships // Venus Demilo**

“So,” Doyoung said as soon as he had settled next to Donghyuck on the outdoor sofa in their backyard, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “Spill.”

Donghyuck squirmed under his brother’s harsh gaze but forced himself to look into Doyoung’s eyes as he told him what had happened. A part of Donghyuck was relieved, finally being able to talk about it with someone.

“I thought I hated him when he walked back into my life.”

“Yeah, you better,” Doyoung muttered under his breath but he let Donghyuck speak.

“And I did for some time, I think. It just—it hurt so much. After the fallout and after I had told him I never wanted to see him again, he just disappeared completely. I mean, obviously not really because his face has been everywhere since his group took off, but I expected him to fight or come back here. He didn’t.”

For a second, there was the flash of something in Doyoung’s eyes, but it was gone too quickly for Donghyuck to decipher what it had been. Donghyuck decided that it had probably just been Doyoung trying to rein in his temper.

Letting his gaze drop to his hands, Donghyuck continued, “And then suddenly he did come back. Without a warning, he just walked into the coffee shop like he had never been gone and that hurt so much, having him back here. The first evening he told me he came back to get me back and after a year of nothing I was so angry. I tried to shut him out, I really did, but he was everywhere and it was so good to have him around again, even just to hear his voice again was...”

“You could have just turned on the radio for that.”

Donghyuck smiled at his brother.

Doyoung’s gaze softened. He sighed. “I thought you were happy with what’s-his-name.”

“Jaehyun.”

“Yeah, I thought you were happy with Jaehyun. Mum’s always very fond of him on the phone, said he treated you well, made you smile and stuff.”

“He does.” Now it was Donghyuck turn to sigh. “Jaehyun’s great, he’s-he’s kind and polite and really hot—sorry.” Donghyuck laughed at Doyoung’s scrunched up expression. “He makes me happy, he does, but…”

Donghyuck rubbed a hand over his face.

“...but he’s not Mark,” Doyoung finished for him. His expression was solemn, absent judgement and Donghyuck felt indefinitely consoled by the knowledge that Doyoung was on his team no matter what.

“He’s not Mark,” Donghyuck reaffirmed.

“Oh, Donghyuck.”

“When Mark kisses me—” Donghyuck ignored the low retching voice Doyoung uttered and kicked his brother in the shin before continuing—“When he kisses me, there’s just him, you know? When he’s with me then he’s just Mark, my Mark, the boy I’ve loved since I was four years old.

“I love him. Even now. Even after everything that has happened. I shouldn’t, but I do. I don’t know what it’s like to not love him. I need him in my life like I need air.” Donghyuck’s eyes wandered upwards. A moment later, let his face drop into his hands. “Doyoung, am I a terrible person?”

“That depends.”

Donghyuck looked up when he felt his brother’s hands on his shoulder.

Doyoung looked at him intently before letting himself fall back into the cushions of the sofa. “It wasn’t right of you to sleep with Mark without breaking things off with Jaehyun first, I don’t think I have to tell you that.”

Donghyuck shook his head. “You don’t.”

“Good, then I think there’s hope for you. You did something terrible, Donghyuck, but you are not your mistakes. You are how you deal with them. I have faith that you will deal with it in a way that does right by Jaehyun.”

“Thank you for believing in me,” Donghyuck rasped out.

Doyoung pulled his legs against his chest, rested his hands on his kneecaps before he began to speak. Donghyuck could see the promise ring on Doyoung’s middle finger glisten. “I think you’re a typical Lee. Mum and dad, Jisoo and I… and you and Mark. Once we’ve found the one, that’s it for us. You just have to figure out what you want. Mark’s not just yours anymore. Shit, I couldn’t walk through the airport without seeing him smouldering down at me.”

“He doesn’t smoulder.” Donghyuck scrunched up his nose.

Doyoung laughed. “Hell yeah, he does! Have you ever looked at one of those magazine covers? Though, objectively speaking, I don’t know why he’s the hyped one. I think the one with the puppy eyes is way cuter to look at.”

"Doyoung!”

“Just saying.” His brother grinned and Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel a little bit better.

They sat in amicable silence for a couple of moments before Donghyuck asked the final question, “So what am I supposed to do now?”

Doyoung’s grin faded into a smile, but he grabbed Donghyuck’s shoulder, squeezed it in comfort. “I think you know what you’re supposed to do.”

“Yeah.” Donghyuck nodded and let his head drop into the cushions, blinked at the stars. He did know. 

**“And I will burn the people who hurt you the most** **  
** **and I will not learn** **  
** **'Cause I am too young and too dumb** **  
** **to consider the terms”** **  
** **\- Bloodsport // Raleigh Ritchie**

“Okay, Donghyuck, take over. Make sure that the water is boiling before you add it to the Erlenmeyer.”

Accepting the tongs Chenle offered him, Donghyuck switched places with his friend and adjusted the flame of the Bunsen burner. Donghyuck focussed on pivoting the test tube over it with practice movements, so he missed the sound of the door opening. It was only when Jisung next to him gasped that Donghyuck looked up, blinked through the grimey glasses of the protective goggles he was wearing.

The Science Club met on Friday afternoons, the only time they had managed to secure themselves a time slot for the chemistry lab. This meant that the school was usually deserted whenever they had their weekly meet-ups. And Mark, usually, was one of the very first people to flee the school halls around that time.

So Donghyuck knew something was wrong as he spotted Mark standing in the doorway of the classroom, even before Donghyuck spotted the blood covering the lower half of Mark’s face, dripping from his nose onto the front of his shirt. For a few, long seconds the entire room stood still.

It was the sound of the test tube bursting that startled Donghyuck into motion. Hastily, he let the tongs drop onto the table.

“Uhm, alright, guys! I think it’s time for lunch,” Chenle announced next to him, pulling off his protective goggles and grabbing Yuju and Chaerin by their respective shirt sleeves.

The two of them were new, had joined the club only two weeks ago, as Donghyuck was reminded by the horrified expressions on their face. They had never witnessed Mark barging into a room like that before. Donghyuck wanted to sigh.

“C’mon, let’s get some sandwiches from the vending machine. Sungie, you too.”

Donghyuck shot his friend a grateful smile as Chenle ushered the rest of their science club out of the room. Chenle gave him a quick nod and shot Mark a disgruntled, but still intimidated glance before he squeezed himself past and shut the door behind himself.

Donghyuck felt his shoulders fall the moment he was alone with Mark. Carefully, he took off the protective goggles he was still wearing and placed them on the table next to the now shut off Bunsen burner. Donghyuck stalked over to where Mark had backed away against the door frame in order to let Donghyuck’s friends through.

Slowly, Donghyuck let his fingers ghost over the blood swollen state of Mark’s nose, the cut in his lip. Mark watched him carefully, his eyes gleaming. He was standing with his shoulders squared and head held high, wearing the scarlet coating on his lower face as proudly as the one in his hair.

Mark wasn’t dumb enough to boast, but Donghyuck could tell by the look in Mark’s eyes that Mark didn’t feel the slightest bit of remorse. Donghyuck would have bet his entire allowance that Mark had started whatever fight he had gotten into.

Balling his fingers into a fist, Donghyuck let his eyes flutter shut and took a few, deep breaths. Then he took Mark’s hand and pulled him towards the teacher’s desk.

“You should see the other guy?” Mark tried as Donghyuck pushed him down on the chair behind it. 

Donghyuck ignored Mark in favour of retrieving the first aid kit hidden in the bottom drawer of the desk. It was quiet between the two of them while Donghyuck cleaned Mark’s face with a wet paper towel.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” Donghyuck turned to cleaning the busted knuckles of Mark’s right hand.

The sight made Donghyuck’s stomach churn but he didn’t let any of it show on his face. Once he had scrubbed the dirt and blood off of Mark’s skin as best as possible, Donghyuck threw the heap of soaked, stained paper towels into the bin below the teacher’s desk and turned to rummage through the first aid kit instead.

“Uh, nothing, really.”

Donghyuck raised his eyebrows at Mark. Then he averted his eyes to the packet of gauze in his hands, ripped it open. He could hear Mark sigh.

“I had a conversation with Simon from twelfth year.”

Mark grimaced when Donghyuck looked up at him.

Donghyuck knew the other boy. Simon was in his English class and the treasurer of the robotics club. He didn’t strike Donghyuck as someone who would get in a fight, lest in one with Mark. Donghyuck hadn’t thought himself and Simon to be friends per se, but they were definitely something like acquaintances. Simon had helped him build up his stand at the science fair earlier this year.

Mark nodded and grit his teeth when Donghyuck began to dab the cut on his lip with iodium. “He thought he could make his irrelevant opinions known in front of me, so I told him that he needs to shut the fuck up.”

“With your fists?”

Mark shrugged. “He deserved it.”

“Mark, that’s not—” Donghyuck furrowed his brows, squinted at Mark when the other boy refused to meet his eyes. “What did he say?”

“Not important.”

“Mark.”

Mark sighed. His eyes were ablaze with cold fury as he met Donghyuck’s gaze. “He had to say something about you and me.”

Donghyuck’s heart skipped a beat before it continued on twice as fast as before. A cold, acidic hand gripped Donghyuck’s stomach, tied it into knots. Donghyuck tried hard not to let it show on his face. It was rare, that Donghyuck had to deal with things like that.

Some had tried to mess with him at the beginning of his freshman year, but between his brothers, Mark’s junior friends and Mark himself the number of people intent of crossing Donghyuck had quickly diminished.

He ducked down his head. “Oh.”

“Donghyuck.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Donghyuck mumbled and tried hard to focus on clipping the bandage he had wrapped around Mark’s busted knuckles.

“Donghyuck, hey!" Mark leaned forward and Donghyuck couldn’t help the small, reflexive smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth when Mark gently pinched Donghyuck’s chin between his fingers.

The smell of gauze was heavy in the air as Mark tilted Donghyuck’s head upwards so Donghyuck met his eyes. “Listen to me, Simon confused his mouth with his asshole and thought that the load of bullshit he was spewing was an acceptable opinion. I corrected him and now he knows better. And you don’t have to spend a single second worrying about that or him anymore, okay? I won’t let anybody talk shit about you like that in front of me, about this.”

Mark gestured in between them. “What we have is the best thing in the world, okay? He’s just a backward scumbag. He doesn’t matter shit. All that matters is you and me.”

Donghyuck nodded, prying Mark’s fingers from his chin in favour of intertwining them with his own.

“I know, I know,” he muttered. “You have to stop punching your way out of things, though. It looks bad on your record, Mark.”

“So," Mark shrugged, "all rockstars have bad report cards.”

“Simon will tell his parents, and Mr Kim.”

“I don’t care.“ Mark sneered. “He’s a teacher’s pet anyways.”

Donghyuck couldn’t help the slight sting at Mark’s words.

In order to hide his face from Mark, Donghyuck stood up and began to throw the unused roll of gauze and scissors back into the first aid kit. He knew that Mark had realised his mistake when Mark inhaled sharply behind him.

A moment later, Mark’s arms snaked around his waist, pulled Donghyuck back against him.

“I’m sorry.” Mark pressed a chaste kiss against the side of Donghyuck’s face from behind. “I didn’t mean it like that. You know I’m really proud of you for being good at all this school stuff.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you would behave more like a teacher’s pet sometimes. Most of them think you’re a bad kid already.”

“Hey, cut me some slack, please. I come here every day and listen to their bullshit. That’s already the best I can do. Besides, I don’t care what any of them think of me. I only care what you think of me.”

And Donghyuck hated it, hated the way Mark made his cheeks heat up and butterflies flutter around in his stomach so easily.

“Are we good?” Mark asked, a lot more tentatively than before and Donghyuck wriggled around in Mark's arms to search Mark’s eyes. The golden specks in them gleamed in the afternoon sun that was falling in through the windows, made them seem almost fluorescent.

Donghyuck smiled at the love in Mark’s eyes and the genuine remorse. Mark grinned when he saw the corners of Donghyuck’s mouth lift.

“Good,” Mark announced and pecked Donghyuck on the lips. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too.” Donghyuck sighed. “As long as there are clouds in the sky, I’ll always love you.”

Mark beamed and then pulled him closer. He pecked Donghyuck’s temple as he hugged him before pulling away and brushing a few stray strands out of Donghyuck’s forehead. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to butt into your nerd club thingy. That thing that exploded wasn’t like… super important, was it?”

“Just water.” Donghyuck chuckled lightly. “It’s fine. I’m pretty sure you traumatised Yuju and Chaerin though, and Jisung is scared shitless of you anyways.”

“Good.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the entirely too pleased look on Mark’s face. A second later, Mark’s phone went off. Donghyuck could feel it vibrate against his leg. Mark pulled it out of his pocket, tapped away on it for a moment before looking up at Donghyuck.

“Johnny is coming to pick me up. Do you wanna ditch the rest of your club meeting and come get pizza with us?”

“No.” Donghyuck shook his head. “I need to clean up and then set up the trial again. Chenle’s cool with you barging in here, used to it by now probably, but he will get mad if I just take off.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight. I’ll bring you a slice back.”

Donghyuck smiled as Mark leaned forward to kiss him, shortly but deeply, and then Mark was walking backwards towards the door. Donghyuck shook his head and turned back towards the table they had set their experiment up on. Willing the stupid grin to fall from his face, Donghyuck began to collect the shards of the test tube.

**“But I remember the nights** **  
** **when you'd lie with me** **  
** **Where we'd talk and we'd touch** **  
** **and we'd fall asleep”** **  
** **\- Long Night // With Confidence**

Donghyuck kept the lights off as he walked into his room after dinner. Instead, he made a beeline for his window, pushed the pane up and perched himself on the sill. Opposite of his window, Donghyuck could see Mark pace around in his room, visible due to the ceiling light illuminating the room. Mark was on the phone, spinning the cap he had worn earlier around his pointer finger.

He seemed annoyed, Donghyuck could tell by the downwards twist to his mouth, the agitated way in which he was speaking. Donghyuck revelled in the sight, nonetheless. He allowed himself to watch for a little while longer until Mark hung up. Mark threw his phone on what Donghyuck knew to be his bed before flinging himself after it.

Donghyuck took that as his cue to move. It had been nearly two years since Donghyuck had last lowered himself out of his window and climbed onto the slim but unyielding branches of the tree between their windows.

It was an act of balance, one that Donghyuck had done countless times before, nonetheless he was more than glad as soon as he had clambered around the trunk and his footing became more secure on the especially thick branch that reached up to Mark’s window.

Donghyuck cursed his short nails as he tried to push up the screen but eventually, he had managed. Uttering a silent curse, Donghyuck curled his hands around the window frame and hoisted himself through the window.

“What the—” Mark sat up once he noticed Donghyuck hanging halfway into his room, eyes becoming almost comically wide.

“A little bit of help would be appreciated,” Donghyuck wheezed out, struggling to get his leg over the window frame.

Mark was on his feet within a heartbeat, pulling Donghyuck into his room the rest of the way. Mark must’ve underestimated his weight however, as they both toppled to the ground once Donghyuck had made it through the window.

Mark groaned from where Donghyuck had buried him beneath his torso. Hastily, Donghyuck scrambled to his feet. Mark’s curiosity remained the most prominent expression on his face as he slowly pulled himself to his feet as well. Donghyuck could see the sadness underneath.

“What are you doing here?” Mark asked eventually, refusing to meet Donghyuck’s eyes.

Donghyuck could taste iron where he was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. His heart was pounding in his chest, begging him to leave, jump straight back out the window again. But Donghyuck couldn’t. Doyoung had been right. He knew what he was supposed to do now, what he needed to do.

“I can’t be with you,” Donghyuck said and watched Mark’s face fall.

There was a twitch in Mark’s hands, a flash of hurt in Mark’s eyes that was ozone, announcing lightning and the clap of thunder to follow. It wouldn’t strike while Donghyuck was still there, still close enough to get hurt. But later, when Mark would be alone, there was a storm to come. Donghyuck suppressed the urge to walk up to Mark and pull him into his arms.

He balled his hands into fists. “But I can’t not be with you, either.”

Just as quickly as the storm had come, it vanished from Mark’s eyes, was replaced with the faintest hint of hope.

“What—” Mark’s voice was raspy as he tried to speak. He cleared his throat. “What does that mean?”

“It means that I love you. More than anything.” Despite everything, Donghyuck thought. “I love you.”

Donghyuck laughed, helplessly. Not because he felt helpless, but because he had been so helplessly in denial. “And I want to be with you. I always just want to be with you.”

Donghyuck watched as the glimmer of hope in Mark’s eyes slowly but surely ignited his whole face. Mark’s smile was bright, so bright that Donghyuck had to close his eyes as Mark bridged the distance between them. His mouth found Mark’s blindly as Mark pulled him in.

“I love you,” Mark pressed out as soon as they had broken for air, rendered breathless. “I love you so much. You’re everything to me, Donghyuck.”

And Donghyuck knew, as he met Mark’s eyes, why Troy had burned and why Mark had always compared their love to a natural phenomenon. Because Mark looked helpless, just as helpless as Donghyuck felt. This was their nature. Two fools helplessly in love.

Donghyuck leaned forward and Mark kissed him back eagerly, tangled his hands in Donghyuck’s hair, let his fingers glide down the nape of Donghyuck’s neck and over his back, pushing them impossibly closer together.

“I promise you that I won’t make the same mistake twice. I’ll do everything to make it work this time.” Mark whispered almost fervently into his neck, as if he was scared Donghyuck would vanish if he didn’t get the words out fast enough. “I won’t ever take you for granted again.”

“Never fade again.” Donghyuck could feel his heart seize with long lost memories. “Never fade away again, I won’t survive it a second time.”

“Never.” Mark pulled away just far enough so that he could cup Donghyuck’s face in his hands. “I won’t let you down again. I’ll make this work, whatever it takes.”

Donghyuck nodded. He knew that Mark was serious. Music had always been Mark’s dream, despite all the complications that it had brought upon them, but Donghyuck was Mark’s dream too. And Mark would never forget that again.

Donghyuck averted his eyes to the window for a second. There was one last thing he had to address. “I need to break up with Jaehyun.”

Mark’s gaze darkened infinitesimally before the harsh lines disappeared from his face. Gently, Mark disentangled his hand from where their hands had found each other and instead carded his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair, brushed the blond strands matted against Donghyuck’s forehead out his face.

“Hey, Donghyuck, it’s-it’s fine, okay? This is about you, and no one else. And if you need some time, we can keep this a secret for now until you have figured out how to end things with him. A big part of why he is in the picture in the first place is my fault. We’ll keep it under the wraps until you’ve figured out a way how to let him off easy, sound okay?” 

Donghyuck inhaled deeply and then he nodded. “Thank you.”

Mark smiled and pinched Donghyuck’s chin between his fingers, pressing their lips together in a short but deep kiss. “Of course. Whatever you need. I love you.”

For the first time in a long time, Donghyuck’s chest felt light as he reciprocated the smile on Mark’s face. “I love you too.”

“Good,” Mark grinned and pulled Donghyuck closer again. “Now, please kiss me. I waited so long to call you mine again, all I really care for is kissing you right now.”

**“You’ve got his name on your arm** **  
** **His words on your knuckles”** **  
** **\- Knuckles // Moose Blood**

Donghyuck awoke to lips pressing against his palm, teeth grazing the sensitive skin of his wrist before they disappeared. Slowly, he pried his eyes open, blinked against the harsh sunlight falling in through the window. It had to be at least noon.

Donghyuck lowered his gaze and watched where Mark was playing with his fingers, running his thumb over the soft flesh of Donghyuck’s knuckles. Donghyuck readjusted his face on the pillow they shared. He ignored the wince that threatened to escape his throat as the motion caused the sore muscles of his ass to sting.

“Morning,” Donghyuck rasped out and Mark’s eyes flicked up to him, a soft smile spreading over his features. Donghyuck reciprocated the smile and leaned over, scratched his nails over the stubble on Mark’s jaw before pressing their lips together.

“Sleep well?” Mark asked him as soon as Donghyuck had let his head fall back onto the pillow. Mark’s fingertips were brushing up and down the bare skin of his arm and the sensation alone was enough to distract Donghyuck for a couple of moments before he managed to nod.

“You?”

“Good.” Donghyuck savoured the soft edge to it, the calm in Mark’s eyes where a certain restlessness had been ever since he had come back. “Fucking great, actually,” Mark added with a grin. He pressed his lips to Donghyuck’s one more time before he rolled himself out of bed and onto his feet. “Breakfast?”

Donghyuck was about to slink further back into the pillows, pull the duvet over his head when his stomach gave a loud growl. He sighed and took Mark’s extended hand, “I guess.”

Mark laughed as he pulled Donghyuck out of bed and patted his shoulder sympathetically once Donghyuck was standing in front of him. Donghyuck used the opportunity to seize Mark’s arm and curl his hand around Mark’s nape, admire Mark’s face.

Mark’s skin seemed almost luminous in the bright sunlight. His light eyes were gleaming, kiss-swollen lips pulled up into the hint of a smile. Mark watched in amusement as Donghyuck studied him.

His hair lay flat against his head except for a few strands at the back of his head that were sticking up. Donghyuck smiled as he carded his hair through the black hair.

“I like your hair best like this,” Donghyuck whispered.

Mark’s arms snaked around the small of his back, pushing their bare bodies flush together.

“I like you,” Mark murmured against his temple before peppering the side of his face in kisses and Donghyuck couldn’t help the warm, prickling sensation in his stomach, the overwhelming surge of love in his chest.

He laughed, just because he was here and Mark was with him. Mark chimed in after a moment. Eventually and visibly reluctant, Mark let him go in favour of walking over to his dresser. Donghyuck took to collecting his clothes from the ground. 

“Have you seen my underwear?”

“If you find it, you probably won’t want to wear it,” Mark remarked with a smirk before pulling open the top drawer of his dresser. “Here.”

Donghyuck was hit square in the face by a pair of grey boxers. After a moment of scrutiny, Donghyuck realised that this pair of boxers actually belonged to him, or rather to his sixteen year-old self.

“You kept all the clothes in this house?”

Mark shrugged where he stood facing away from him, busy shimmying into a pair of black skinnies. “Sure. I always knew I’d come back here so it didn’t really make sense moving everything to my parents’ new place if I wasn’t going to live there anyways.”

“Do you—you want to keep this house?”

Mark turned around to look at him, his brow raised. “Of course I’m going to keep this house. I mean I’ve got a room at Jeno and Jaemin’s place in Seoul, but that’s not my home. You’re my home. And you live here so I live here, too.”

Donghyuck fought hard against the burning sensation in his cheeks.

“Well, until you’re going off to uni or whatever you had planned. Then we’ll have to look at apartments in the city, but until then…” Mark shrugged again and turned back around to retrieve a fresh pair of socks.

Willing the butterflies in his stomach to cease, Donghyuck bent down to fish his jeans from under Mark’s bed.

There was music spilling into the hallway when Donghyuck followed Mark down the stairs. It became louder the closer they got to the kitchen, some classic 80s rock song blaring from the kitchen radio. The moment they had entered the room they were greeted by a half-naked Jaemin, dancing on the kitchen island clad in nothing but a ripped pair of black jeans and unicorn socks.

Jeno was watching Jaemin, stood in front of the stove with one hand wrapped around the handle of a frying pan. The expression on his face lay somewhere between fond and the long set-in resignation of someone who spent most of his time around figurative five-year-olds. Donghyuck related, both to the desire for maturity, and the ocean deep adoration in Jeno’s eyes for the lack thereof both Mark and Jaemin seemed to share.

“Donghyuck!” Jaemin cheered as he spotted Donghyuck peering over Mark’s shoulder.

He dropped the spatula he had used as a microphone into the scrambled eggs Jeno was making and hopped off the kitchen counter. Before long, Donghyuck found himself wrapped up tightly into Jaemin’s arms. Mark chuckled at the undignified noise Donghyuck uttered and forewent any attempts at helping Donghyuck in favour of making a beeline for the fridge.

“How are you today, man?”

“I’m good,” Donghyuck replied to Jaemin, still feeling a little bemused at the sudden onslaught of Jaemin’s attention. “Little tired. Didn’t sleep that much.”

Donghyuck could see Mark’s smug expression as he ripped the lid off of a strawberry yoghurt and dumped its content straight into his mouth. Donghyuck suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yeah, we could hear that.”

Jaemin grinned at him, thoroughly unbothered, and continued to talk while Donghyuck tried hard not to choke on his own embarrassment.

In the background, Mark had moved on to peeling a banana and was suggestively waggling his eyebrows at Donghyuck while he swallowed down half of it in one go.

“I am really glad you too worked things out, though,” Jaemin was saying as Donghyuck snapped his attention back to him. "You must know Mark talked about you so much, you can't even imagine. Really, he almost drove Jen and me crazy with all his whin—”

“Jaemin!” Mark came up from behind him, cutting the pink-haired man off by snaking his arm around Jaemin’s neck, squeezing just a little too tight. “Let’s go into the living room, shall we? We’ve got some work to do, afterall.”

“Work?” Donghyuck asked, watching as Mark dragged Jaemin out of the kitchen.

“The thing about the creativity retreat wasn’t a lie. We are actually here to write our second album,” Mark informed him over his shoulder, grinningly, before he disappeared into the living room, Jaemin struggling to free himself from the headlock Mark was keeping him in.

Donghyuck felt dark eyes boring his back before he turned around and met them.

“Donghyuck,” Jeno acknowledged him, his hands working blindly to scoop scrambled eggs out of the pan and shovel them onto two plates.

“Jeno.” Donghyuck mirrored Jeno’s half-nod and swallowed. 

Jeno sized him up for several more, long moments before he broke into the faintest hint of a smile. He picked up the two plates he had loaded with breakfast and pushed one of them into Donghyuck’s chest as he surpassed him.

“You can watch our session if you like.”

Donghyuck couldn’t help the slight breath of relief as soon as Jeno had left the room. Donghyuck wasn’t scared of Jeno. He knew what Jeno was doing, knew why Jeno was watching him just a tad too closely for comfort and treated him more coolly than Jaemin.

Jeno was his group’s leader. It was his job to protect them, worry while Jaemin danced around half-naked in unicorn socks and Mark was distracted. And Jeno was definitely worrying about Donghyuck. After all that Donghyuck and Mark had went through, and the things Mark might have told him, Donghyuck wasn’t all that surprised.

Donghyuck was glad even. If Jeno was looking out for his group, that meant he was also looking out for Mark. Gingerly picking up the fork Jeno had stabbed into the middle of Donghyuck’s eggs, Donghyuck shoved some of them into his mouth and made his way into the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update: 15/12/19. (CET) I'm always grateful for any kind of feedback <3  
>   
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> [the clouds playlist](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xDXQ0FGYE9Bl8F2S7B84G?si=NCts-DlcR1KilCYAlO9Bpw)


	6. Chapter 6

**“And all the times I came to you  
but never ever lied** **  
** **Show me that phone in your pocket”** **  
** **\- In Your Pocket // Maroon 5**

“Jeno, can you play that one instrumental again? That we had the other day? The one for track five?”

Jeno, sitting in the middle of the living room with his laptop perched on the coffee table, hummed before he turned towards his computer screen. A moment later, music started to sound high-end speakers the group had set up all around the room.

“Yeah, that.” Mark started humming along to the tune, his fingers moving over the fret of his guitar seemingly on their own.

Jaemin, sitting cross-legged on the sofa with a midi board on his lap, began tapping on the buttons until he had built a bassline that followed Mark’s acoustic chords.

Donghyuck was amazed how easily they harmonised. He had witnessed it at the bonfire jamming session already, but it hadn’t become any less impressive. Popping a mini pretzel into his mouth, he watched their songwriting session progress.

“... always end up standing at the center of the stage … always frantic still clenching  a damn mic in my fist now… what did we say?”

“I think we wanted to say energetic instead of frantic.” Jaemin grinned. “Makes you sound more powerful and less, well, frantic.” 

Mark blew his groupmate a kiss, adjusted his fingers on the fret of his guitar and played the chord progression again. Jaemin with his midi board followed suit. After a couple of times, Jeno joined in Mark’s rap and then Jaemin also.

Donghyuck watched them get through the whole song this way, adding and replacing bits and pieces here and there until they had composed and written an entire song. The end result was stunning, and left Donghyuck with a simmering ache in his chest.

Donghyuck waited until eventually Mark called for a five-minute break before he followed Mark into the kitchen to fetch some water.

“Oh, Donghyuck.” Mark chimed happily when he noticed Donghyuck standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “Help me out?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Donghyuck bridged the distance between them but forewent the water bottles Mark had lined up on the kitchen counter in favour of crowding Mark back against the fridge. Mark grinned as let himself fall back against the fridge door and pulled Donghyuck in.

“Hi,” he whispered against Donghyuck’s lips before slotting their mouths together. “I missed you.”

Donghyuck made sure to actually get some air into his lungs before he shook his head. “I was right there on the couch.”

“Not close enough.”

Donghyuck cupped Mark’s face in his hands as he pecked his lips before he deepened their kiss, pliantly opening his mouth when he felt Mark’s tongue push against his bottom lip. He let Mark kiss him breathless before he let his head drop to the crook of Mark’s neck, breathing in deeply.

He could feel Mark’s nose in his hair, the other man’s fingertips roaming up and down his arms. It was a feeling of being at ease that Donghyuck only realised he had missed so direly now that he had it back and it made the ache in his chest worse.

“That song…” Donghyuck pressed out eventually and lifted his head to meet Mark’s eyes.

Mark smiled at him and Donghyuck swallowed. “It’s really good, but also—I know you write songs about how you feel and the lyrics. Is that how you feel?”

Mark’s smile turned dark, but all the more adoring.

“I had a couple of bad months. Well, two years, where I felt…mad.” Mark shrugged and intertwined their fingers. When he looked up again, there was no trace of sorrow left on his face. “But that’s in the past now. Besides, it’s not just me. Jaem and Jen, especially, are in it just as much as me. So don’t worry about it, okay? I’m happy. I’m very happy right now.”

“I love you,” Donghyuck replied, simply because it was the most important thing he had to say.

Mark’s expression brightened indefinitely and he squeezed where their hands were intertwined. “I love  _ you.  _ Also,” Mark’s smile turned wicked, “I really need to take a leak so, uhm—”

Donghyuck snorted but took a step back. He let out an indignant squeak when Mark slapped his ass as he took a step around him. With a low, but undeniably happy sigh, Donghyuck picked up the water bottles from the kitchen counter. He was still shaking his head, making his way back into the living room, when a low string of curses made him falter in his step. He had never heard Jaemin sound that distressed before.

“What happened?” inquired Jeno’s voice not a split second later.

Donghyuck inched towards the open doorway that separated kitchen and living room. Carefully, he peeked around the corner and found Jeno towering over where Jaemin was still sitting on the sofa, phone in hand.

He turned it around, showing the screen to Jeno.

Jeno’s expression darkened as he took a step back. “Jaemin,” he said in a manner that Donghyuck could only describe as a mixture of angry, disappointed and, for some undecipherable reason, fearsome.

“I swear, I didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident!”

“Jaemin,” Jeno repeated, growled really, the anger in his eyes taking over. “Fuck. You—are you kidding me? Fuck! You have to tell Mark. Now!”

Jaemin shook his head so harshly that the hood of his sweatshirt fell back to reveal his pink hair, his fingers tapping away on his screen almost frantically. As soon as he seemed done, Jaemin tilted the screen back to Jeno. “Please, Jen. See, I already deleted it. It doesn’t even have to mean anything. No one has noticed, probably. Please.”

“Jaemin—"

“No, please, Jeno. You can’t tell Mark. He’ll freak out. Especially right now!”

“Jaemin.”

“Please.”

Donghyuck watched as Jaemin slid his phone into his back pocket, carefully out of Jeno’s reach, before he grabbed the other man’s hands into his own. They stared at each other for several, long and intense moments before, much to Donghyuck’s surprise, Jeno seemed to yield.

“Okay, we’ll see if anything comes out of it, but if it does—I swear to god, Nana.”

It was the sound of the guest toilet flushing that made Donghyuck perk up. Hastily, Donghyuck took a big step back into the kitchen and made sure to loudly bang a couple of cabinet doors before he walked into the living room.

Jaemin and Jeno were both playing around on their instruments when Donghyuck returned to their small set-up. It didn’t look like they had moved at all.

Donghyuck offered Jaemin one of the water bottles.

“Thanks, Donghyuck!” Jaemin beamed at him, no hint of distress in his face.

Jeno took his bottle silently, but he, too, seemed completely at ease as he unscrewed the lid of his bottle and gulped the majority of the water down in one go.

Donghyuck folded his long legs underneath him as he made himself comfortable on the loveseat again. Pressing the cold ridges of his own bottle against the side of his face, Donghyuck forced a smile onto his face when Mark returned.

**“Through all the hard times in my life  
** **Those nights kept me alive”  
** **\- Those Nights // Skillet**

“Ow, fuck, Hyuk!”

Donghyuck knew not to look up from where he was bent over his Physics homework. It wasn’t him that was being called.

He sat secluded from the rest of the people in the basement, his books sprawled out on the old coffee table Donghyuck knew Johnny had scavenged from his grandma, too far away from anyone to have caused any offense.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see one of Mark’s friends, who was coincidentally bearing the same name as him, lean himself over the mountain of empty egg cartons in the centre of the room.

“Oh, don’t be such a baby, Yuta.”

“Fuck you, Minhyuk, stepping onto these stupid cartons is like stepping onto Lego.”

“Guys, not near the mic. What the—Hyuk!”

Donghyuck looked up just in time to watch a tangle of three lanky teenage boys tumble to the ground. Minhyuk was the first one back on his feet, returning to his armchair much more gracefully than Donghyuck would have ever thought to be possible. Still tangled in a heap on the ground, Yuta flapped around, buried under Johnny’s bulky weight. Over Johnny’s shoulder, Donghyuck could see Taeyong share a long-suffering look with Mark where the both of them were sitting on stools a little off to the left, notebooks on their laps.

“Stop hitting me, Nakamoto!”

“You stop riding my dick, Seo, and get your own, gay ass off of me yourself!”

Donghyuck felt the plastic cap of his pen squeak as his grip unintentionally tightened. Mark’s head snapped up, his gaze boring into both of his friends before he looked in Donghyuck’s direction.

Donghyuck quickly lowered his gaze back to his homework. He tried to focus on the formula on the paper in front of him, but the numbers and letters were blurring in front of his eyes.

“Could you please—” Taeyong interrupted the quarrel on the ground loudly. Donghyuck could feel Taeyong’s eyes on him, too—“stop being useless idiots and instead get your hands on the glue. This is not going to go anywhere if you don’t start taking this seriously, so Yuta get your ass over here. Mark and I’ve been waiting for over ten minutes now.”

Donghyuck could hear scuffling and lowly muttered curses that were already becoming much more good-natured than heated as Johnny and Yuta pulled themselves to their feet.

Donghyuck himself refused to look up. He could still feel Mark staring at him. Donghyuck bit his lip, furrowed his brows in pretend concentration. It wasn’t until an unopened can of soda was held under his nose that he looked up.

“Coke?” Johnny offered, taking a sip from his own can. He was speaking calmly. Johnny’s eyes were bright with rare timidity and Donghyuck knew that Johnny had understood, too.

He took the drink that was offered to him and laid his pencil down in favour of popping the metal lid. Johnny smiled, and rounded the table in between them so he could flop himself down next to Donghyuck. How Johnny managed to squeezed his impossibly long legs beneath the coffee table was beyond Donghyuck.

“What’y’doin’?”

“Physics,” Donghyuck muttered more lowly than he’d have liked to admit, because he was still a weeny sophomore talking to the senior friend of his boyfriend and Johnny intimidated him, as much as Donghyuck knew he didn’t need to feel that way. It was just something that Doyoung had drilled into his mind. Respect the older kids if you want to have an easy life.

“Respect.” Johnny smiled. “I was never really good at that stuff but Markie’s been telling me you won a price or something.”

“I got second place at the Science fair this year,” Donghyuck admitted. “It’s not that big of a deal,” he quickly added.

“Well, Mark’s been bragging about you anyways.” Johnny grinned and then his expression turned solemn. “You know none of us have a problem with you two being together, yeah? Yuta is just an idiot and he didn’t think, didn’t even realise it probably. If he did, he’d be very sorry. He didn’t mean to offend.”

Feeling a little bit overwhelmed, Donghyuck nodded his head. He stalled for time by taking a sip from his coke. Then he said, “Yeah, I know. I swear I know. I’m not upset. I-I don’t mind. It’s all good. No biggie.”

Donghyuck plastered the biggest smile onto his face he could muster. Johnny searched his eyes for a moment before he nodded, the tension leaving his shoulders.

“We do care about you, you know. Not just because you’re Markie’s boyfriend. And if anyone’s ever giving you trouble, you can tell any of us. Yuta, especially, will gladly kick anyone’s ass for you.”

Donghyuck couldn’t help but laugh at that because he knew it to be true. “Yeah, I know. He told me that ‘no one gets to disrespect the baby’ so I’m all set in that department.” After a moment, he added, “Thank you.”

“No problem, man.” Johnny smiled at him before his eyes lit up and he reached behind him, where he had leaned his bass guitar against the worn-out couch behind them. “You wanna learn how to play bass?”

“Oh?”

“Johnny!”

Donghyuck couldn’t help the reflexive smile that spread over his face as he heard Mark’s voice, felt Mark appear in front of their table.

“Are you trying to corrupt my boyfriend, Seo?” Mark asked, his arms crossed in front of his chest, mischief bright in his irides. Mark’s eyes met Donghyuck’s for a split second and Donghyuck felt the hidden concern fade from Mark’s face as Donghyuck smiled at him earnestly. “With a bass guitar?”

“I mean…” Johnny grinned, his eyes widening deviously. “It’s the superior instrument?”

Mark scoffed, but before he could get a word out, Minhyuk appeared on Johnny’s side. “Bullshit, the two of you. If the baby is going to learn anything, it’s how to sing. Come with me, Donghyuck, let me show you the real deal.”

“Shut your trap, Hyuk.”

“You can kiss my behind, Mark.”

Before Donghyuck knew it, he was watching Mark, Minhyuk and Johnny argue over his head. Lured in like sharks by blood, it didn’t take long for Yuta and Taeyong to join the banter. They bounced their arguments and impressive array of curse words back and forth until eventually, Johnny announced a riff off and soon after Donghyuck found himself sitting down cross-legged on the carpet in front of the makeshift recording booth the boys had been building, Mark settling down behind him, his legs bracketing Donghyuck’s own. Taeyong, ready to play referee, sat down next to them.

Donghyuck listened to Mark’s friends sing and play their respective instruments with admiration. They were good, all of them. Not as good as Mark, no one would ever be as talented as Mark in Donghyuck’s book, but Mark’s friends came close. It was obvious that they had a blast while playing. 

Donghyuck let his head fall back onto Mark’s shoulder, smiled as he felt Mark’s lips pressing into his hair. Donghyuck took a sip of his coke and enjoyed just being in the moment, surrounded by people that cared about him and Mark’s arms wrapped around his waist.

**“All my stones become your pearls  
** **All of my trials are your treasures”**   
**\- Mine Is Yours // Cold War Kids**

Donghyuck was sitting at his desk, scrolling on his laptop when the gravel hit his window. With a sigh, he got up and traipsed over to the window, pushing the pane up. Once the window was open, Donghyuck flopped himself back down onto his desk chair. He spent the time Mark needed to climb through his window rubbing his eyes. They hurt after he had spent the last few hours staring at his laptop screen in the darkness of his bedroom.

“You know, you didn’t have to come through the window,” Donghyuck mumbled as soon as Mark had hoisted himself over the window sill.

“Well, I couldn’t exactly go through the front door,” Mark paused momentarily, “if your brother is here.” 

“Jisoo drove down yesterday. They went out with Mum and Dad for dinner.”

“Ah, okay. Budge over?”

Averting his eyes back to his laptop screen, Donghyuck moved until he was perched on the edge of his chair. Mark settled in behind him with a low “oof” and a muttered “was easier when we were kids.” Donghyuck chuckled. Sharing a chair had definitely been easier when they both had been half the sizes they were now, but they made do. Even though Donghyuck ended up half in Mark’s lap.

Donghyuck couldn’t help the grateful sigh that escaped him when Mark wrapped his arms around him from behind. He hadn’t even noticed how cold it had been in his room until he was enveloped by Mark’s warmth.

Mark hooked his head over Donghyuck’s shoulder a moment later. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Looking at universities.” Mark’s hair tickled his temple as Donghyuck scrolled up to let Mark see the beginning of the page. “I talked to Dad and he said he doesn’t need me to stay here for another year. Both Mum and Dad want me to go so I’m looking into it. There’s a couple unis close to here that I’m interested in. See? I like this one because their Science program is really good. My grades are good enough as well, but it’s a private department so their fees are…” 

Donghyuck bit his lip before the longing and disappointment swirling in his gut could unfold fully. Instead, he moved on to the next school. “This one’s pretty good as well. They had a guest lecture with John Craig Venter once and their fees are reasonable.”

“Donghyuck...”

“Look here, I made a chart with all of the money I earned in the year since I’ve graduated and the payment plan they had on the website and if I, like, not eat for the first three months I should be fine.”

“Donghyuck.” It was the tone of voice Mark used that made Donghyuck wriggle around until he could meet Mark’s eyes. Donghyuck furrowed his brows.

“What?”

The softness to Mark’s eyes made Donghyuck glower.

Mark sized him up for a moment, licked his lips before he asked, “How much is the first school?”

“I don’t know,” Donghyuck said slowly, “what you’re trying to insinuate, Mark, but I think you might want to stop right now.”

Immediately, Mark dropped his fake innocent behaviour and let out a long-suffering sigh. “Oh, c’mon, Donghyuck.”

“Nu-uh.”

Mark glared right back at him, love making the corners of his eyes crinkle treacherously and Donghyuck wanted to throttle him or kiss him or both at once. That was, the longer Donghyuck thought about it, the default mix of emotions Mark provoked in him, really.

“Do you not love me?”

“What?” On a second thought, Donghyuck figured, the urge to throttle Mark won any day. “That has nothing to do with this, Mark! I’m not going to let you pay for my tuition. I’m capable myself, thank you.”

“I’m just saying,” Mark continued, tightening his grip around him when Donghyuck tried to protest, “that you love me, right?”

“Right,” Donghyuck admitted through gritted teeth.

Mark beamed at him. “As I love you. And that’s not going to change any time soon, right?”

“I recall,” Donghyuck sighed, “something about our love being tied to a perpetually reiterating state of the weather, or whatever.”

“Reiterating,  _ nice _ ,” Mark complimented under his breath before he continued his actual speech. “What I’m trying to say is that this is your future. And because we’re forever, it’s also my future. So if I want to invest—”

“ _ ‘Invest’, _ ” Donghyuck scoffed. He just so refrained from making air quotation marks. “That sounds so fucking—”

“Donghyuck Lee, would you shut up for a damn second?”

Donghyuck snapped his mouth shut, watched Mark with wide eyes.

“Don’t think I’m stupid because I’m not, okay? I recognise the name of that first university because I remember you telling me about it on skype before we—I know that university. And if it’s your dream university then honestly, fuck, Donghyuck, tell me whatever number and I’ll pay it. I have enough money now and everyone else got it from me, even your dad, so—”

“Wait, what has my dad to do with any of this?”

“Please, let me help you. Will you let me do this one thing for you?”

Donghyuck searched Mark’s eyes for a long moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Mark’s eyes were bright as he waited for a reply, his shoulders heaving lightly.

“No.” Donghyuck shook his head lightly. “No, Mark. That’s way too much.”

“Fine,” Mark gave in, accepting Donghyuck’s decision until Donghyuck saw the glint of mischief reappear in Mark’s eyes. “We’ll postpone the discussion.”

“You’re insufferable,” Donghyuck growled and wriggled back around until he was facing his laptop screen again.

He could feel Mark exhale against his nape before Mark dumped his head onto his shoulder. Donghyuck opened a new browser tab and typed in the name of another university he had noted down on his To Look At list while Mark busied himself with splaying his fingers out on Donghyuck’s stomach, drawing patterns into the thick fabric of Donghyuck’s sweatshirt. For several moments, the air was filled with nothing but the sound of Donghyuck’s fingers moving over the keyboard.

And then, “Or I just prepone our wedding.”

Donghyuck went rigid, his thumb smashing down on the space bar so hard he was sure he’d need a crowbar to get it unstuck.

“Mark,” Donghyuck breathed out heavily.

“Think about it, Donghyuck, once we’re married, this whole money bullshit becomes a non-issue anyways. Remember when we talked about that? We talked about what colour our suits would have so that they would set us apart as the grooms. We settled on canary yellow, remember that? I could take you to the States right now and—”

“No! What the fuck? We’re not gonna get  _ married _ right now, Mark.”

Mark sounded undeterred. “True, you have to get rid off the other one first.”

There went Donghyuck’s enter key. Donghyuck pressed his lips into a tight line and carefully pried his fingers off of his keyboard before balled his hands into fists in his lap.

“Shut the fuck up, Mark.”

Mark’s voice was soft, filled with genuine remorse, as he spoke up once he realised Donghyuck wouldn’t say any more. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t be mad. I’m just jealous.”

Donghyuck ignored the shudder that went through his whole body as Mark pecked the back of his neck in silent apology. He sighed. “Don’t talk about him like that, please. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“He stole my boyfriend,” Mark gave back without hesitation. “That’s a pretty big wrong in my book. But,” Mark rested his chin back on Donghyuck’s shoulder, “I acknowledge that that’s kinda my fault so I’m sorry. Please, don’t look so sad, Donghyuck. I swear, I’ll be good from now on if you smile again.”

“You’ll never be good, Mark.”

“That’s also true.” Mark squirmed until he had pushed Donghyuck off the chair, pulled them both to their feet. Once he stood facing Donghyuck, he pulled him close by the strings of his sweatshirt. Mark grinned, his mouth millimetres from Donghyuck’s. “But I have you, so I’m fine.”

Donghyuck reciprocated the close-mouthed kiss Mark pulled him into, slid his fingers into the soft strands at the back of Mark’s head. Mark quickly deepened the kiss, nudged Donghyuck’s mouth open with his tongue. Donghyuck let him, focussed on the electric feel of Mark’s fingers grazing his stomach as he curled them around Donghyuck’s belt.

“I’ll do it soon,” Donghyuck mumbled when Mark pulled away to attach his lips to Donghyuck’s neck, pressing a single, open-mouthed kiss to the sensitive skin below Donghyuck’s ear. Mark’s fingers made quick work of Donghyuck’s belt buckle. “I’m gonna ask him over for dinner on Friday and then tell him.”

“Whatever way you think is best. I trust you.”

Mark let himself fall to his knees and Donghyuck couldn’t help the hitch of his breath as Mark pushed up his sweatshirt to pepper kisses on Donghyuck’s skin along his waistband. Holding the fabric up with one hand, Mark used his other to push Donghyuck’s jeans and boxers down to his knees. Donghyuck hissed as his cock sprung free, cold air against his hot flesh making him shiver.

Mark looked up at him. His pupils were dilated, the brown in his eyes reduced to barely visible rings. Donghyuck couldn’t help the smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth as Mark grinned at him, adoring, always adoring, despite the position they were in.

That was, Donghyuck thought, what made him unable to do this with anyone else but Mark. There was always love in the way Mark fucked him, however Mark fucked him. Donghyuck didn’t think he could ever allow anyone else to see him like this, so weak, so completely at mercy.

“You have me,” Donghyuck managed before he lost all ability of speech to Mark’s fingers gripping his hip and the tight, wet heat of Mark’s mouth around his cock.

**“And I came round and  
blew smoke from my mouth**   
**I thought I saw you in the clouds”**   
**\- Honey // Moose Blood**

Philospohy, Donghyuck had decided, was definitely the worst subject ever invented. He had taken the class mainly because Chenle had begged not to be left alone. A sacrifice for his friend that Donghyuck had come to regret in the first five minutes of his first class already. His distaste had grown only deeper roots ever since. Donghyuck couldn’t have cared less about the workings of the world. He hadn’t even figured out the workings of the cafeteria yet and Donghyuck had been in high school for two years already.

To add to the “unbearable mindfuck” as Jisung liked to call their class, their teacher was a nightmare. Donghyuck had overheard some of the girls to his right make bets on Mrs Bak’s age. Yerim was closest, in Donghyuck’s opinion, with the estimate guess of 117. Donghyuck himself thought Mrs Bak to be about 120. Her plaid-patterned culotte skirt and inconsistently beige turtle neck, as the girls and Donghyuck agreed, was that age in any case.

Donghyuck was thankful that the girls had sat down next to him. He was alone today as Chenle had texted him in the morning that he was staying home with pink eye. The girls offered at least some mild form of entertainment while Mrs Bak in the front droned on and on about dead Greek people.

Just when Donghyuck began to ponder whether it was possibly to die of boredom-induced respiratory failure, a shrill, ear-splitting tone began to sound from the hallway. Donghyuck watched Yeonjun in the first row land head-first on his desk as the alarm made him jerk awake where he had fallen asleep on a stack of books. Mrs Bak halted in her endless litany in shock.

“Fire alarm!” Yuju to Donghyuck’s left shrieked out a second later and bolted towards the door.

In the ensuing chaos, Donghyuck tried hard not to get trampled.

Unfortunately, Donghyuck was pretty scrawny for a seventeen-year-old, not exactly the rock-in-the-sea-kind of guy. It only got worse when he made into the hallway. There were students everywhere, pushing and shoving, elbowing their way to the only stairwell of their floor.

Donghyuck had hated Philosophy class on the third floor out of principal, but now he was seriously loathing it. If Mrs Bak’ voice was to be the last thing in his life he had experienced before being swallowed by flames, Donghyuck was going to come back as a ghost and haunt the school  _ with a vengeance. _

He had just made it down a flight of stairs onto the second floor when he spotted a bright red beanie in the crowd and nearly cried out in relief.

“Mark!” he called out and tried hard not to be taken under by a wave of seniors pushing past him in pursuit of the stairwell.

“Donghyuck!”

Right before Donghyuck was waltzed over by another wave of panicked teenagers, he felt a tight hand wrap around his upper arm and then Donghyuck was pulled to the side, into the entryway of one of the class rooms. Donghyuck felt his body relax instantly at the smell of Lee laundry detergent.

“Ah!” Donghyuck uselessly flailed his arms, nearly fell onto his ass as Mark’s solid form behind him yielded all of a sudden and then Donghyuck found himself inside the classroom in whose entry way they had taken cover. As soon as Mark had pulled Donghyuck back onto his feet, Donghyuck jerked around.

Mark wrapped a hand back around Donghyuck’s arm, sensing Donghyuck’s attempt to make a beeline for the door a second later.

“What are you doing, Mark, the fire alarm—we have to get out!” Donghyuck struggled to free himself and drag Mark towards the door with him at the same time.

“Shh, Donghyuck.” Mark tightened his grip and grinned.

It was the glint of mischief in his eyes that made Donghyuck halt in his movement.

“Oh, no.” Donghyuck whispered, prayed as realisation settled in. “Mark!”

“Calm down, Donghyuck-ah!” Mark patted invisible dust from Donghyuck’s shoulders as he grinned. “I was the one who pulled the fire alarm. There’s no actual fire.”

Donghyuck shook his head in disbelief for a moment before he felt his shoulders deflate. He averted his eyes from Mark’s smug face in order to pinch the bridge of his nose, crossing his arm in front of his chest.

“Unbelievable,” Donghyuck muttered as he watched Mark surpass him and hop onto the teacher’s desk, swinging his legs without a care in the world. Donghyuck went reluctantly as Mark beckoned him closer.

“Ah, c’mon, you should be grateful. I know you had old Mrs Bak. She’s so boring, I’m amazed she hasn’t lulled herself to sleep yet during one of her classes.”

“What is it then?” Donghyuck asked and fought hard against the pleasant feeling coiling in his stomach as Mark hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans, pulled him in between his legs. It was made significantly easier by the incessant alarm that was still sounding overhead.

Mark grinned and freed one of his hands to let it disappear between his back pocket. Donghyuck opened his hand and Mark dropped a crumpled-up piece of paper into it.

“What’s that?” Donghyuck asked and squinted at the paper. A majority of the paper was frayed as if Mark had folded the paper over and over and frayed out the edges in the process, but Donghyuck recognised the general built-up of a web page. “Name, age, location—Mark Lee, you didn’t sign up for a sex chat website, did you? Because honestly, as your boyfriend, I don’t know if I’d be that comfortable with that.”

“No, idiot.” Mark rolled his eyes at him and for the first time Donghyuck noticed the slightly nervous twitch to Mark’s smile. “Here, see this text at the top? That’s it.”

“ _ You’re an aspiring, male 16-19 year old musician? You can dance and bring the face? Moon Entertainment wants you! Fill out the form below to enter our casting call for a chance at the idol life! (Note: All video uploads must be formatted mp4 or avi), _ ” Donghyuck read out loud, and then snapped his head up when he realised what he had just said. “You entered a casting call?”

“They wrote to me first,” Mark beamed at him. “Their PR person or whatever send me an email that they had found one of the covers I posted onto YouTube. They asked me to apply, Donghyuck!”

“That’s awesome!” Donghyuck felt giddy excitement spread throughout his stomach. “Did you apply already?”

Mark nodded. “This morning! I have to see if they get back at me, of course, but Donghyuck if they do…” Mark took his hands, squeezing them a bit too hard but Donghyuck didn’t care, couldn’t care.

“They will,” Donghyuck said determinedly. “They have to. Oh, Mark!”

For a moment, they just beamed at each other and then Mark was hugging him, nearly causing them both to topple over. Donghyuck didn’t mind, felt himself reverberate with every bit of excitement that Mark was oozing.

“I’m gonna be famous, Donghyuck-ah!” Mark scream-whispered into his hair and Donghyuck couldn’t help but laugh.

“Famous like Dong Bang Shin Ki,” Donghyuck lilted.

“Even bigger than that,” Mark boasted and Donghyuck shook his head before they both dissolved into laughter. The crumpled paper in Donghyuck’s hand teared.

**“What a dream I had pressed in organdy  
** **Clothed in crinoline of smoky burgundy”  
** **\- For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her // Simon & Garfunkel**

Donghyuck checked up on his hair for the seventh time that evening. It took a lot of his self-control to not empty out the remaining half of his mother’s hairspray bottle. But his hair was already as solid as concrete and Donghyuck feared if he put any more into it, the brown strands might’ve broken off.

So he forced himself to put the bottle away, hide it in the cabinet under the washing basin and leave the guest bathroom. Making sure the jumper he had put on over his dress shirt was without wrinkles, Donghyuck entered the kitchen and checked up on his pots instead.

Donghyuck didn’t normally cook, but when he had invited Jaehyun over for dinner during their morning shift, Donghyuck had known take-out wouldn’t do. Jaehyun deserved better than that, and Donghyuck figured that if he was going to break up with Jaehyun tonight, the other man should at least get a nice meal out of it.

So Donghyuck had spent the majority of his afternoon in their local supermarket, trying to find the ingredients for the menu he had found online. Mark had accompanied him and Donghyuck smiled a little at the memory of Mark’s running commentary on all the “rabbit food” Donghyuck had shopped for.

With a sigh, Donghyuck turned to stirring the sauce he was cooking, whisking it like his mother had taught him to before his parents had fled the house for the evening. He was heaving the roast out of the oven that the doorbell rang. Quickly, Donghyuck pulled the oven mittens he was wearing off of his hands with his teeth and hurried to open the front door.

He was greeted by a bundle of deep magenta flowers, Jaehyun smiling at him from behind the bouquet.

“You brought me flowers,” Donghyuck squeaked.

“Red camellia.” Jaehyun’s smile deepened as he lowered the bouquet in order to press a chaste kiss to Donghyuck’s lips. “Seemed appropriate to me.”

“That’s—” Donghyuck couldn’t help the stuttering of his heart—“That’s very nice of you.” He smiled up at Jaehyun and accepted the flowers. “Thank you.”

“Look up the meaning some time.”

Jaehyun winked at him and then surpassed him in order to enter the house. Donghyuck took a moment to stroke over the soft petals of the flowers before he quickly closed the front door and hurried after Jaehyun.

“Smells delicious.”

Donghyuck walked into the kitchen to find Jaehyun bent over the pots on the oven, lifting one of them just as water started to bubble over the rim.

“Oh, shit, it’s overboiling, here let me—”

“I got it!” Jaehyun snatched up a kitchen towel and began mopping up the spilt water, simultaneously turning down the heat of the plate. “I got it, it’s all good. You can go looking for a vase, I can take over.”

“No,” Donghyuck protested. “I invited you, you shouldn’t—”

“Honestly, Donghyuck,” Jaehyun shot him a calming smile, “it’s fine. Let me do something, too.”

“Okay,” Donghyuck relented after a moment, taking a step back. “I’ll go put these into water, then.”

“Perfect.”

Jaehyun diverted his attention back to the pots in front of him and Donghyuck took a step back, walked into the living room to roam through his mother’s porcelain cabinet. Donghyuck reminded himself to breathe normally before he returned to the kitchen, not before having put the flowers on the table he had already set.

Once they had settled down for dinner, Donghyuck felt himself ease up a little bit. Jaehyun carried the conversation easily and Donghyuck found that he could resort to just nodding at the right moments.

Jaehyun hummed eventually, both their plates cleared. Jaehyun dabbed the corners of his mouth with his napkin, “This was so good. You’re a good cook, Donghyuck.”

“Thank you, I had help from a really talented sous-chef.”

Jaehyun beamed at him and Donghyuck thought, feeling a pull in his chest, that he would miss him. He would miss Jaehyun, and the easy way they worked together. As opposed to what his brother thought, Donghyuck hadn’t begun dating the other man because Jaehyun had been one of the few openly gay guys around, though that had definitely factored into it.

No, him and Jaehyun had clicked instantly when Jaehyun had started working at the coffee shop around the same time Donghyuck had graduated. They had become good friends long before they had started dating. Jaehyun had listened to him, had been a source of consolation when Donghyuck had needed it most and despite the fact that Jaehyun would hate him after this night, a part of Donghyuck hoped for him to stay a part of Donghyuck’s life.

But Donghyuck knew that Jaehyun most probably wouldn’t, and Donghyuck had no right to ask him to. It was time.

“So,” Donghyuck worried his lip between his lips for a moment before he released it, “there’s actually a reason for all of this.” Donghyuck gestured to the table between them. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Jaehyun looked at him for a moment before he nodded, folded his napkin on his lap. Donghyuck was about to speak up when Jaehyun suddenly grinned at him. “Actually, can I go first?”

“Uh.” Donghyuck blinked. “I mean sure?”

“Great.” There was excitement written all over Jaehyun’s face as he lifted his body up far enough so he could push his chair back and stand up. “I’ll be right back, just a second.”

Jaehyun hurried out of the room and left Donghyuck in cold sweat. A couple of moments later, Jaehyun returned, his coat in hand. Donghyuck’s heart hammered against his chest as Jaehyun’s hand disappeared into the inside of his chest pocket and then Jaehyun was discarding the coat on his chair in favour of rounding the table and coming to a halt in front of Donghyuck.

“Here, look at this.” Jaehyun handed him the slip of paper he had received and with curious eyes Donghyuck unfolded the paper to scan the script on it. The first thing Donghyuck noticed was the sigil on top of the paper.

Incredulously, Donghyuck looked up at the other man, “Ulsan? You got the pre-med scholarship?”

“I got it!” Jaehyun cheered and Donghyuck felt his heart seize with excitement. Buzzing with unreleased joy, Donghyuck jumped up and jumped into Jaehyun’s waiting arms.

“Oh my god,” Donghyuck wheezed out, couldn’t help the laughter that was bubbling out of him. “This is amazing, this is—I can’t believe you got it! I am so, so proud of you!” Donghyuck pulled away to mimic a worshipping gesture.

Jaehyun laughed, his ears turning pink with joy. “Oh, Donghyuck, please.”

For a moment they just smiled at each other, exhilaration making the both of them shake with excitement. Then Jaehyun’s expression changed into something softer, and Jaehyun was taking his hand. 

“The scholarship covers almost everything except housing fees. I put in the first payment placement this morning. I’m starting this fall and I’m going to have to move into the city,” Jaehyun inhaled, “and I want you to come with me, Donghyuck.”

Jaehyun smiled at him and Donghyuck felt his heart stop. Because he could see it. He could see their life together, moving out and into the big city. How they would go apartment hunting and buy furniture and decorations and argue over what colour their soap spender should have.

“That sounds amazing.” Donghyuck swallowed.

He couldn’t ruin this night for Jaehyun. He couldn’t break up with Jaehyun tonight, couldn’t take that dream away from him yet. Donghyuck forced a smile onto his face and Jaehyun beamed at him, pulled him in to press their lips together.

“I love you.” Jaehyun whispered and then laughed as he pulled Donghyuck back into his arms, swayed them from side to side. As soon as he pulled away, Jaehyun asked, “By the way, what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

“Oh.” Donghyuck felt his throat close up momentarily before he shook his head. He waved Jaehyun off. “Forget it. Nothing of importance.” Donghyuck amped his smile up a couple of watt. “I’ve got ice cream in the fridge for dessert. Let’s celebrate!”

“Terrific.” Squeezing Donghyuck’s shoulder one last time, Jaehyun returned to his chair.

Donghyuck kept his smile up until he entered the kitchen, then he let himself fall against the fridge door. He was in dire need of a new plan.

**“All the world I feel is ours  
** **I'll never let you reminisce of me”  
** **\- Carving Flowers // Avion Roe**

Donghyuck shifted until he was lying on the edge of Mark’s mattress, his back pressed against the wall. The raw brick wall of Mark’s room was cold against his bare skin. Some time during the afternoon Donghyuck had lost his shirt and jeans, but that was okay because he had found great joy in reciprocating the favour and ridding Mark of most of his clothes in return.

“Alright, you can come back.” Mark held up the duvet for Donghyuck, which he had been adamant about shaking out. Donghyuck hadn’t really seen any sense in it, but then Mark was much more experienced with spending an entire day in bed than him. Pliantly, Donghyuck rolled himself once over and snuggled into the warmth of the blanket and Mark’s skin.

Donghyuck thought that he had had to have grown tired, after spending hours and hours roaming his hands over Mark’s body, kissing every inch of skin that he could reach, overdosing on the taste of Mark’s tongue. But Donghyuck didn’t, hadn’t really expected himself to in the first place. Donghyuck had figured out a long time ago that it was impossible to grow tired of something that was so much a part of himself.

Though, for the first time in his life, Donghyuck almost wished he could. If the yearning in his chest for Mark would only recede for some time, until the next day, then it wouldn’t hurt so much when Mark would leave. Involuntarily, Donghyuck’s eyes wandered to the large duffel bag, backpack and guitar case that were lined up in front of the foot end of Mark’s bed.

“Stop thinking about tomorrow,” Mark reprimanded him, detaching his mouth from Donghyuck’s neck. Donghyuck flicked his eyes over to him guiltily. Mark’s gaze became intense, the smile on his face as menacing as it was loving. “Focus on me now.”

Donghyuck tried to smile, and resolved into a fit of laughter when Mark attacked him, peppered his face in kisses before he blew a raspberry into the crook of Donghyuck’s shoulder that left Donghyuck gasping for air.

“There. I like you better when you smile.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and pushed Mark off of him, ignoring the burning of his own cheeks as he directed his gaze anywhere but Mark’s smug face. Donghyuck’s eyes landed on the receiver display below Mark’s TV.

Lightly, Donghyuck shook his head. “I can’t believe we spend the whole day in bed. And I skipped school, too.”

Mark stretched where he had sprawled himself out next to Donghyuck before he rolled himself onto his side, rested his head on his hand. The expression on his face held nothing but pride and mischief. “Doesn’t it feel good?”

“Being with you feels good, but I definitely have to catch up on all that I’ve missed.” Donghyuck furrowed his brows. “Maybe I can ask Chenle for his Maths notes, I’m sure if I offer to revise Philo with him he’ll say yes. Oh no, but then I have to get notes from Philo first.”

Donghyuck was cut off mid-sentence by Mark, who uttered a loud groan and clamped his hand down on Donghyuck’s mouth.

“Shush, no more school talk.”

“But—”

“You should drop out too.” Mark smiled against his shoulder, lightly biting down on the flesh. “And come with me.”

Donghyuck let out a snort, but placed his hand over Mark’s where Mark was toying with the waistband of Donghyuck’s boxer shorts.

“And what would I do in Seoul? Wait in your bed while you’re training?”

“Sounds good to me,” Mark grinned at him, but then his expression turned soft. Mark’s eyes became dark with sadness and Donghyuck struggled to keep his own smile on his face.

“I’ll miss you so much.” Mark whispered and pressed their lips together properly. Mark kissed him harshly, rolled himself back on top of Donghyuck. The intensity of it all left Donghyuck feeling a little dizzy.

Nonetheless he managed to say, “You have me. And it’s your dream. You have to go and chase it.” 

“So sweet, my lover,” Mark whispered lowly, smiling at his own cheesiness. It was raw, honest and Donghyuck knew that he was the only person in the world that Mark allowed to be seen by like that. It was overwhelming and everything Donghyuck needed.

“Send me pictures,” Donghyuck joked, laughed because laughing was easier than thinking of the terrifying, deep abyss that was about to split his chest open. He would bear that pain, though. Donghyuck would have endured anything to see Mark become what he had always wanted to be.

Instead of an answer, Mark just smothered him, smothered Donghyuck in bruising kisses and nails raking over the skin of Donghyuck’s lower stomach and thighs. Donghyuck couldn’t have the described the way Mark’s hands and mouth on his body made him feel. His breathing became more ragged, Mark’s hands on his hips making him squirm.

“Please, please, Mark.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want—I want—” Donghyuck couldn’t find any form of coherent thought with Mark’s lips placing open-mouthed kisses along his clavicle, Mark’s hand finally breaching the waistband of his pants, so Donghyuck blurted out the one word he could think of—“everything.”

Mark stilled above him the exact moment Donghyuck registered how that sounded. Mark pulled away, not very far, but far enough for Donghyuck to see the concern in his eyes, and below that  _ want.  _

“Do you mean…?”

Donghyuck swallowed. He didn’t know why he felt nervous all of a sudden. They had talked about this often, ever since they had started fooling around. But it always had been just that, fooling around. Blow jobs and jerking each other off under the blanket. Donghyuck could vividly remember the first time Mark had put his mouth on Donghyuck’s dick and Donghyuck had come so fast they had both been taken by surprise.

But having Mark’s mouth and fingers on him was something else than having Mark  _ like that.  _ Yet Donghyuck couldn’t help the swirling sensation of heat in his lower belly at the thought. Donghyuck wanted Mark like that. Donghyuck wanted Mark that close, inseparable.

“I want you to sleep with me.” Donghyuck’s heart was hammering against his rib cage. “O-only if you want that too of course.”

Mark stared at him for a long moment, so many emotions washing over his face that Donghyuck failed to decipher a single one. In the end, he clung to the everlasting love in Mark’s eyes that seemed to prevail, became unbearably intense as Mark nodded, slowly but unmistakably.

“Yeah,” Mark breathed out and then he was moving, shifting on top of Donghyuck until he could reach the top drawer of his bedside table that Donghyuck knew Mark kept a bottle of lube and a sealed box of condoms in.

Once he had retrieved both of the items, Mark sat up. When Mark stopped moving, Donghyuck took the bottle of lube from his hands.

“I can open myself up if you want. I’ve done it before.”

“No, I want to do it for you.” A tiny, warm smile appeared on Mark’s face and Donghyuck couldn’t help the breath of relief that escaped him. They were in this together. “Lay back for me?”

Donghyuck complied, spread his legs so Mark could settle in between them. Donghyuck watched Mark pop the cap of the lube bottle open, squeeze a generous amount of the clear liquid into his fingers, so much that some of it dripped onto his thighs. Donghyuck pretended not to notice the slight quiver to Mark’s hands. It reassured Donghyuck, the knowledge that Mark was just as nervous as he felt.

“Are you—are you sure you wanna do this?” Mark asked him while he rubbed his fingers together. “Because we don’t have to, if you don’t want to, Donghyuck-”

Before Mark could ramble on any further, Donghyuck had sat up in order to pull Mark down on top of him, slot their mouths together. He kissed Mark long and deep before he let him go.

“Need your fingers in me,” Donghyuck mumbled against Mark’s lips before he let him go fully, “please.”

Looking positively dazed, Mark nodded. His pupils were dilated, and Donghyuck found that certain air of confidence return to Mark’s posture. Mark, too, had realised that this was just them. They were going to be okay.

Lowering his head to Donghyuck’s neck, Mark pushed Donghyuck’s pants down and pressed his finger against the tight hole, pushing a single digit in. Involuntarily, Donghyuck sucked in a breath, but he motioned Mark to go on before the other boy could call the whole thing off.

“I’m fine, fine.” It was fine. They had gotten this far before.

Mark began to suck harshly on Donghyuck’s skin as he began to circle his finger, one stinging sensation to mend the other until he could push a second finger in.

“You’re doing so good, Donghyuck-ah.” Mark’s kisses became gentle as he kissed back up Donghyuck’s neck. “One more finger, okay?”

Donghyuck nodded, focussing on Mark’s lips on his, Mark’s tongue licking into his mouth. Donghyuck clenched around Mark’s fingertips, his whole body shuddering when Mark’s fingers grazed something inside him and his spine arched as a surge of electricity ran through his veins.

“Mark, fuck-fuck Mark. Do that again!”

"What?" Mark asked, confused.

"That! Keep doing that," Donghyuck whimpered, his eyes closing as Mark’s fingers, three of them now, brushed his prostate. Mark’s breath was hot against his cheek and Donghyuck moaned at the feeling of his hole getting slacker and wet with lube, Mark’s fingers inside him curling and rubbing him against all the right places.

"Does it feel good?" Mark asked, tilting his head so he could catch a glimpse of Donghyuck’s eyes. Donghyuck nodded. It felt good, indescribably good. But Donghyuck needed more.

"I'm ready," Donghyuck breathe out. "I'm ready, please Mark, get inside me."

"Are you sure?" Mark asked for the millionth time that night, gently pulling his fingers out.

"Yes, I'm sure.” Donghyuck would have rolled his eyes if he would have had any control over his facial expressions left. “I want to feel you right now. Please, Mark."

Donghyuck nodded and Mark smiled at his attitude. He kissed Donghyuck’s mouth and nose and eyelids before he sat back. Mark struggled to put the condom on with lube-slick fingers but eventually he had managed. Their eyes met as Mark pushed into him and Donghyuck thought that the entire universe could have collapsed onto itself, he wouldn’t have noticed. He was captured by Mark’s gaze.

In the low light of Mark’s room, Mark’s eyes seemed jet black, no brown left in them. Mark leaned over until he could balance himself on one arm while guiding his cock to Donghyuck’s hole.

“I love you.” Donghyuck said before Mark could ask and Mark smiled, dipped down and pressed their lips together as he pushed in.

Donghyuck’s breath cut short at the overwhelming feeling of it all. His fingers cramped in the sheets, a low whimper escaping his lips. It stung, the burn of the stretch so intense that Donghyuck had to squeeze his eyes shut, focussing on his breathing entirely. Mark stilled the moment he had bottomed out.

“You’re doing so good, Donghyuck.” Mark ran his hand up and down Donghyuck’s side. His voice was strained and Donghyuck wished for the pain to just fade away already so they could continue, so that Mark could move and didn’t have to wait for Donghyuck’s stupid body to adjust. “You’re so good. So good, baby.”

“You can move,” Donghyuck rasped out after what felt like half an eternity. “I’m ready, I think.”

Mark’s gaze was doubtful but he did as Donghyuck told him and began to pull out slowly. Donghyuck muffled the noise he made in his hand. He knew that if he cried out Mark would stop and blow this whole thing off and Donghyuck couldn’t have that. Not just because he refused to let Mark down, but also because he could feel it. The small jolts of pleasure mixing with the pain, slowly but surely taking over.

Donghyuck let out a breathy moan when Mark pushed into him again and gripped Mark’s shoulder. He shuddered when the head of Mark’s cock dragged over that spot again.

“Yeah, yeah, like that.” Donghyuck gripped Mark’s shoulder. “You can go—you can go faster. A little bit.”

“F-fuck,” Mark stuttered and bucked his hips. His breathing was ragged, nearly as ragged as Donghyuck’s and Donghyuck thought that he could have come from that alone, hearing Mark curse like that because of him, hear his name spill over Mark’s lips like that. “Fuck, Donghyuck.”

Slowly but surely, Mark build up a rhythm. Once he felt like all of the pain had faded, Donghyuck tried to buck his hips in time with Mark’s thrusts. The moan Mark uttered at that made Donghyuck clench around him.

And it was easy. Donghyuck wanted to laugh that he had ever been nervous about doing this, and doing this with Mark. Donghyuck wasn’t sure something had ever felt as natural to him as sleeping with Mark. He just fit, fit around Mark’s hips.

Hungrily, Donghyuck pulled Mark down by his hair and crashed their mouths together. They didn’t really kiss, didn’t manage to. It was more like their open mouths sliding against each other, but it was enough for Donghyuck. He crossed his legs behind the small of Mark’s back, tried to get Mark just that much deeper.

Donghyuck whined when Mark curled his hand around his thigh and pushed his legs further apart. The change of angle punched the air right out of Donghyuck’s lungs and soon he found himself gripping onto Mark for dear life as Mark thrust into him more harshly than before. Donghyuck found himself unable to keep his voice down and he thanked all the gods he knew that Mark’s parents were out for dinner still. Moans and curses spilled out of his mouth uninhibitedly and he couldn’t help the heat that was rapidly pooling in his stomach.

The way their bodies moved together felt good, felt brilliant and Donghyuck could feel his muscles tighten at the thought that they were inseparable like this, electricity zipping through his veins until the muscles of his stomach clenched abruptly.

“I’m almost there, I’m almost there, Mark, I’m almost-almost—”

Donghyuck lost all coherent thought as all the pent up heat in his lower body exploded at the bottom of his spine and he fell into bliss, clenching impossibly tight around Mark as he did so.

Mark above him groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic before Mark’s hips stuttered and then he was fucking into Donghyuck slowly, breathlessly, riding out his orgasm as long as it lasted. Donghyuck could tell the exact moment Mark came down from his high, as he collapsed right on top of Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, who felt boneless, didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Mark. He clung to Mark and this moment, the feeling of Mark, not fully soft yet, still inside of him, Mark’s lips mouthing silent, incoherent words of reverence into his shoulder.

Donghyuck winced when Mark did pull out eventually and rolled himself off of Donghyuck and the bed. Donghyuck tried the burn image into his brain, Mark’s pale skin glowing in the low lighting as he traipsed into the en suite, the way his naked body moved.

Donghyuck had nearly fallen asleep by the time Mark came back. Mark cleaned him up without solicitation and Donghyuck really wanted to kiss him. He would, as soon as Mark’s lips were within reach. Once Mark had wiped off Donghyuck’s ass and thighs, scrubbed the dried lube off his own thighs, he simply threw the washcloth behind him.

Donghyuck laughed at that and rolled himself half on top of Mark as soon as the other boy had slid back under the duvet. Mark’s chest was sticky with sweat but Donghyuck didn’t care. Pecking Mark’s sternum, Donghyuck groped around until he had found Mark’s hand and interlaced their fingers.

“Hey, Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck hummed.

“That was okay, yeah?”

Donghyuck lifted his head so that he could meet Mark’s eyes. Donghyuck hated the sincere uncertainty in them.

“It was brilliant.” Donghyuck smiled. “I love you. Loved that.”

Mark beamed at him and Donghyuck, content that he had eradicated all of the self-doubts that Mark carried but rarely allowed to surface for the night, let his head fall back, snuggled deeper into Mark’s chest. He could feel Mark smile into his hair as he drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we're almost at the end ;; Final chapter: 19/12/19 (CET). Thank you so much to everyone who has made it this far, I smooch all of you!  
>   
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> [the clouds playlist](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xDXQ0FGYE9Bl8F2S7B84G?si=NCts-DlcR1KilCYAlO9Bpw)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a couple of hours late, this chapter is around 15k so editing took a bit longer than expected. I hope you enjoy!

**“Where you've been, what you had to eat  
Say I'm always watching you,  
always watching you”  
\- I Got Sick // Don Broco**

Donghyuck could hear the yelling even before he had knocked on the door of Mark’s house. It was muffled but Donghyuck could make out several voices shouting, one of them unmistakably Mark.

Furrowing his brows, Donghyuck rasped his knuckles over the varnished wood of Mark’s front door and waited. It was Jaemin who opened the door, a strained smile appearing on his face as he spotted Donghyuck.

“Hey, man.”

Donghyuck forewent any greeting in favour of cutting right to the core. “You look upset. What’s up?”

Jaemin’s smile became more strained. Instead of an answer, Jaemin motioned him to follow. Donghyuck did, trudging behind Jaemin into the living room.

“... fucking tell me! What the hell were you thinking? You could’ve—” Mark broke off when he spotted Donghyuck in the doorway and not a second later, Donghyuck found himself wrapped up in arms.

“Donghyuck,” Mark mumbled against his shoulder, like a blessing, before letting him go.

Not completely though. Mark’s arm remained on the small of Donghyuck’s back as Donghyuck looked around. Jaemin had positioned himself behind Jeno, who was standing in the middle of the room, his arms crossed in front of his chest and brows furrowed.

Donghyuck looked at Mark. “What’s up in here?”

“Huh? What should be up?” Mark smiled at him. It didn’t mask the murderous expression in his eyes at all. Mark was so obviously lying that Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“Don’t even try, Mark. I heard your little screaming match from the street already.” Donghyuck glanced at Jeno who averted his eyes to the ground. “So, tell me.”

Mark looked at him for a long moment before he sighed and turned towards Jaemin. Jaemin bit his lip, seemingly melting into Jeno’s shadow.

“C’mon, man,” Donghyuck prompted.

Jaemin sighed but took a step forward. He refused to meet Donghyuck’s eyes as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “You remember when we did that writing session a couple of days ago, right?”

Donghyuck nodded. Suddenly, he had a feeling what this was about.

“Well, I kinda messed up.” Jaemin sniffed and Jeno moved, rubbing his friend’s shoulder. Jaemin took the time to smile at Jeno before he looked at Donghyuck. “I posted a pic of my launchpad with the caption: _back in the studio, big love xx_.”

“That’s not bad, is it?” Feeling a little bit confused, Donghyuck glanced at Mark whose gaze darkened with pent up anger.

“No that wouldn’t have been bad,” Mark said, taking over, “but Jaemin, the dumbass, forgot to turn his location off.”

Donghyuck needed a couple of moments to realise what that meant. When he did, he felt something inside his stomach twist violently. No. Donghyuck dug his nails into the skin of his wrist, trying to get his muscles to relax by force. “Are there—are there paparazzi here?”

“Our guess is fans,” Jeno said and for the first time since Donghyuck had entered the room, he met Donghyuck’s eyes directly.

There was something in them that Donghyuck didn’t like. Not at all.

“Well, do you know for sure that they’ve found you?” Donghyuck sounded foolish, even to his own ears.

“Oh, they didn’t find _us,”_ Jaemin mumbled.

At the same time Jeno turned his head towards Mark. “I think you should show him now, Mark.”

“Show me what?”

Slowly, but surely Donghyuck felt anger rise in his chest. H knew it was more out of nervousness than anything else, but he also hated being left in the dark. And that was exactly what Mark was trying to do, Donghyuck realised belatedly.

Seething, he turned towards Mark. “You can’t keep this from me. Tell me.”

For the fraction of a second, there was fight in Mark’s eyes and his posture became rigid, but then he was surrendering. With gritted teeth, Mark pulled out his phone from his back pocket. He tapped around on the screen for a couple of moments and then turned the screen towards Donghyuck.

Donghyuck wasn’t wearing his glasses so he had to take a step closer. He took the phone from Mark’s hands and raised it to his eyes.

It was a photo, taken on a DSLR camera, though the quality was way grainy because of how zoomed in the photo was. The shot itself wasn’t particularly exciting either. It was just Donghyuck, standing in front of a fruit display. Frowning, Donghyuck scrolled on and his heart fell to his knees. In the second photo, Mark was with him, pressed against Donghyuck from behind.

They weren’t kissing. It wasn’t a definite outing, but it made a suggestion. The way Mark had an arm slung around his neck, his hand resting on Donghyuck’s heart, and his chin hooked over Donghyuck’s shoulder was a little too close for comfort, a little too close to be entirely platonic if one was looking for it.

The newspaper article the photos belonged to didn’t suggest such a thing, but the comments below the article sure did. Donghyuck didn’t make it through the first few before he handed the phone back to Mark, took a physical step back.

Donghyuck shook his head violently. “No.”

“Donghyuck—” Mark tried, but Donghyuck cut him off.

He couldn’t endure Mark talking to him right now.

“No.” Donghyuck shook his head even more vehemently. He clutched a hand over his mouth. Bile rose in his throat. “How many—how many people have seen that?”

When no one answered him, Donghyuck moved on to a different question. “Who took that photo?”

“We don’t know, not for sure,” Jeno said, taking pity on him. “Fansites don’t use their real names.”

Mark was just staring at him and Donghyuck hated Mark, hated the big, apologetic expression in his eyes. Something in Donghyuck’s stomach turned. He looked at Jaemin, trying to find some kind of answer in his eyes. Jaemin looked downright miserable now, his eyes brimming with sorry and Donghyuck lost it.

“You!” he bellowed, stabbing Jaemin’s chest through the air. “You did this to me!”

Almost in an instant, Jeno wedged himself into his line of vision.

“Stop yelling at Jaemin,” Jeno told him. His voice was quiet, deadly so. Donghyuck didn’t make the mistake of thinking Jeno wouldn’t punch him in the face if he took a step closer to them. “It’s not his fault.”

“What do you mean it’s not his fault?!” Donghyuck fumed.

He was about to dispute whatever Jeno was thinking and force his way around him to Jaemin’s throat after all when he noticed that neither Jeno nor Jaemin were looking at him. They were focussing on something behind Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck whipped around and Mark flinched. The snapback he had been clutching between his fingers fell from his hands. 

**“Drive highways and byways to be there with you  
Over and over the only truth”** **  
\- This Town // Niall Horan**

Donghyuck made sure none of the stalls of the men’s room were occupied before walking into the last stall on the right and locking the door behind him. He perched himself onto the toilet seat, close enough to the narrow window so that his phone still received some of the school wifi. Watching the minutes pass on his lock screen, Donghyuck propped his earphones into his ears and waited. At exactly 10 am, his phone began to ring. Smiling, Donghyuck accepted the skype call.

It took a couple of seconds for the signal to translate across the country, but then Mark’s face appeared on his screen. The quality was grainy, but it was enough for Donghyuck.

“Hey!” Mark cheered into the camera, holding his face close to the camera before letting himself fall back against the wall in his back. Donghyuck recognised the white grout. Mark had withdrawn himself onto his bunk bed in the room he shared with two other trainees. Faintly, Donghyuck could hear other people’s voices, presumably shouting about the TV in the next room.

“Hi,” Donghyuck smiled and, uncaring of how sappy it was, pressed his finger to the screen. “You alone?”

“Yeah,” Mark grinned. “The others are watching _Saw_ in the living room.” Mark’s expression softened as he propped a pillow behind his back. “I missed your face. Tell me about your day.”

Donghyuck uttered a noncommittal noise. “Eh. Nothing exciting has happened so far. Jisung almost burned his eyebrow off when he tried to shut off his Bunsen burner but that’s about it. Everything’s the same old same old here, as always. Tell me about your day instead. How’s it going with becoming a rap icon today?”

“Oh, man, let me tell you…” Gesturing excitedly with the hand that wasn’t his phone, Mark launched himself into a rundown of his day. Donghyuck needed the first couple of minutes to get over the intense missing in his chest, but eventually he managed to tune into what Mark was saying.

Mark told him a story about his song-writing class, then moved on to enthuse about the surprisingly good food the dorm aunt offered before jumping into an anecdote of an undoubtly against-the-rules, undoubtly funny-if-you-were-there stunt that Mark had pulled off the night before with one of the other trainees he had befriended. 

"Trust me, Donghyuck, that Jaemin guy, he's hilarious." 

Because their days were so packed with workshops and media training and other things Donghyuck could only imagine, Mark kept talking nonstop for nearly half an hour.

Donghyuck didn’t mind. He savoured the happy glint in Mark’s eyes, all the excitement radiating off of him. The sight of Mark being so lively was worth it to Donghyuck, all the kilometres between them and the long nights he spent alone, Mark dropping out of school and the classes Donghyuck missed in order to make their skype calls work.

It was too soon until the school bell rang over Donghyuck’s head, announcing that the period Donghyuck had skipped was over.

“No,” Mark whined and interrupted his story in order to pout at the camera.

Donghyuck wanted to do the same, but he knew that if he did none of them would be able to hang up and Donghyuck had Maths next, a class he had to attend or his mother would skin him alive.

“I need to go.” Donghyuck sighed into the camera and took a screenshot of Mark’s pouting face for later, when the yearning in his chest would become unbearable.

Mark let out a deep, long-suffering sigh. “I love you.”

Donghyuck lifted the phone close to his face, pretended he was sitting in front of Mark on the twin-size mattress of his dorm bed. “I love you,” he whispered back.

A tiny smile appeared on Mark’s face. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Just six more weeks, then I’ll be able to come home for a week.”

“Six more weeks,” Donghyuck repeated. Five weeks and three days, he thought in his head. Donghyuck had been counting, marking a cross in his calendar every day during lunch after he had hung up on Mark.

“Actually just five weeks and three days,” Mark mused and Donghyuck couldn’t help the half-laugh, half-sob that escaped his lips.

He ended the skype call before he really stayed on the phone, but he wasn’t fast enough to miss the preening expression on Mark’s face. Donghyuck needed another couple of minutes to calm down once the screen of his phone had gone black.

When he eventually made it out of the stall, the halls outside of the restroom were quiet. Donghyuck took his time washing his hands, splattered some cold water onto his face. After he had dried his hands on his jeans, he pressed a finger into the fabric of his sweater where his heart was beating. If only he could get the pain there to subside.

Smiling as Donghyuck felt his phone vibrated in his back pocket, alerting him to an incoming text, Donghyuck left the restroom. 

**“Go be the one that keeps on fighting  
Go be the stranger”  
\- The Immortals // Kings of Leon**

Donghyuck remembered the last time he had seen Mark with the hat.

A terrible, heavy feeling settled in Donghyuck’s stomach like asphalt engulfing his organs. “You knew that they were here.”

Mark winced. “We saw some posts before Jaemin messed up, but…”

“No!” Donghyuck felt his breath come short with the blinding rage that was making his lungs contract. “You—The night after we slept together for the first time you came into the shop wearing that cap and sunglasses!” Donghyuck could feel himself getting hoarse he was screaming so loudly. “That’s a disguise! You knew already knew that they were here then!

“We didn’t think they’d find us!” Mark yelled back, exasperated. Not at Donghyuck, Mark was exasperated because of the situation they were in, but in this moment that didn’t matter to Donghyuck. He was scared, and that made him furious. “And it was all fine until Jaem—”

“Jaemin doesn’t matter right now!”

Where he was still hiding behind Jeno, Jaemin’s eyes had grown as wide as saucers, filled with guilt.

“You’re the one who’s connected to me! You should have warned me the moment you knew they were here!” Donghyuck’s throat closed up, nausea making his head spin. Blindly, he pressed a hand to his head.

“I’m sorry, Donghyuck!” Jaemin called over Jeno’s shoulder.

“How did they even know they’d find you with me?” Donghyuck directed at Mark.

“I don’t know.” Mark raked a hand through his hair, causing the black strands to stick up into the air. “When I signed the contract and became straight for the rest of the world, they told me they’d erased every trace of us, of you. As far as the internet goes, you and I never even knew each other.”

“They must have gone to the school first,” Jeno spoke up after a couple of moments of tense silence. His expression was dark, but otherwise indecipherable. In the dimmed light of the overhead lamp, his eyes seemed black. “That’s online. And once they knew which school you went to, Mark, they just had to go there and look for traces of you. They’ve probably taken a look into the yearbook or something.”

Donghyuck paled. There were tons of photos of Donghyuck and Mark in the yearbook. It had been pretty impossible for any of the photography club kids to get a shot without them together before Mark had left.

“So they stalked _me_?”

Donghyuck felt his heartbeat speed up drastically as a terrible thought occurred to him. He could live with the fact that these people had invaded his privacy like that. He had grown accustomed to the thought that being with Mark meant being somewhat exposed to the spotlight as well in the long run a long time ago. But Donghyuck had thought of red carpet events and TV cameras panning to his happy face when Mark won some kind of music award. Donghyuck never imagined it like this.

“If they found me and you at the supermarket, what if they followed us home?” Donghyuck’s voice dropped into a hiss. “What if they found _my family_?” 

After a couple of beats of remorseful, not-quite-meeting-his-eyes silence from the other three men in the room, Donghyuck pressed a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. It felt like a bilious, cold hand had gripped his intestines and was squeezing them, the knowledge that someone might have taken pictures of his house.

Donghyuck imagined candid pictures of his mother in the kitchen, of Doyoung. The thought made his skin crawl, but Donghyuck forced himself to breathe more calmly.

He needed to pull himself together if he wanted to sort out this mess and protect them. Donghyuck thought of waves crashing against the shore and flowers blooming. He could do this. He had done it once before for his father. When Donghyuck pried his eyes open, he found Mark hovering above him, an unfamiliar, nervous glint in his eyes.

Nonetheless, Mark’s words were different from what Donghyuck had expected him to say. “You have to calm down. It’s just a bunch of teenagers.”

“Just a bunch of—” Donghyuck gaped at Mark for several heartbeats before he snapped his mouth shut. His anger made a striking comeback, made the blood rush through his veins. “Fuck you!”

“Donghyuck!” Mark gave back, just as irritated.

“No! Fuck you!” It took every ounce left of Donghyuck’s self-control not to push Mark, hard. “How dare you say that? How dare you play this down? This is your fault! You brought them here! You came back and brought them here!”

“It’s just a bunch of fans!”

“You don’t know that!”

“Yes, I know that! They are fans, Donghyuck. Sure, they took it too far, but they did it because they miss us.” Mark gestured between himself, Jeno and Jaemin. “And I can’t fault them for that. They did it out of love.”

Donghyuck fish-mouthed at Mark for a good couple of seconds. All the rage he felt was making his thoughts tumble over each other, his limbs shake.

“Tell me you aren’t serious.”

“I am dead serious.” There was a hard edge to Mark’s mouth all of a sudden and Donghyuck recoiled, if not visibly. “This is what my life is like, Donghyuck. It’s a shitty situation, yes, but we have people that deal with things like that. They blurred your face. These things happen. And we’ll deal with it, too.”

Mark pointed first at Donghyuck and then at himself. The way he said those last words was familiar to Donghyuck. Mark had said it a million times before, in so many different ways. It always boiled down to the same thing.

It was the two of them against the world, invincible.

Somehow Donghyuck found it hard to believe Mark was on his team this time. 

Slowly, calmly, he leaned forward and held Mark’s gaze. “These things do not just happen, Mark. You can’t just downplay it like that. They came into our hometown. They followed us to the freaking supermarket. This is not okay. This is crazy!”

There was a flash of emotion in Mark’s eyes, something that was hurt and despair and anger all at the same time, but then his eyes became dull, stone cold like the rest of Mark’s face. “You’ll have to get used to it if you want to be with me.”

It was a threat so blandly spoken that it cut Donghyuck to the core. He felt his breath hitch, his heart skipping a beat. The expression on his face must have been telling of how he felt because a second later, Jaemin finally took a step forward and grabbed Jeno’s arm.

“Uh, we should go and leave you two to talk this out. Sorry, Donghyuck. Again.”

Donghyuck waved Jaemin off without taking his eyes off of Mark. Mark watched his groupmates go, waited until Jeno had closed the living room door behind them before he focussed back on Donghyuck.

His expression softened as he took a step forward and took Donghyuck’s hand. Donghyuck breathed in the familiar scent of Mark’s shampoo and home and relaxed as Mark cupped his cheek. If Donghyuck hadn’t been so used to it, he would have marvelled at how easily Mark’s touch alone made him breathe easier.

There was nothing but fierce, yet gentle determination in Mark’s eyes as he said, “I am famous, Donghyuck. I can’t change that about myself. There will always be people that cross the line. There will always be fans that take it too far. Things like what we’re dealing with now are going to continue to happen. But we’ll deal with this together, okay? I need you to trust me on this. Can you?”

Donghyuck sighed, but nodded. “Of course.”

Mark’s smile was blinding before he sobered up again. “You just gotta tell me how you feel and I’ll do everything to make it better. We can do this.”

Donghyuck smiled when Mark kissed him softly, pressed their foreheads together.

“I don’t wanna fight,” Mark mumbled into the space between their lips. “Not now when tonight’s the first night you’re officially mine again.”

Donghyuck felt his stomach clench, but for a different reason. He squirmed, up until the point where Mark pulled away from him. There was a crease between Mark’s eyebrows when he searched Donghyuck’s eyes. 

“About that…” Donghyuck trailed off. He bit his lip.

“Donghyuck,” Mark whispered, “tell me you broke up with him.”

Donghyuck winced. “I’m sorry.”

Mark blinked. His mouth opened as if he wanted to speak but no sound made it past his lips. He pressed them into a tight line and cast his eyes downwards.

Donghyuck knew the expression on Mark’s face. If Donghyuck would have been anyone else, he would have bolted out of the room as fast as possible. Donghyuck thought of a thousand different ways to explain the situation to Mark, but he stayed silent, watched Mark’s shoulders heave as the air between them filled with ozone.

“It’s not what it looks like, I swear,” Donghyuck started, eventually, but Mark cut him off with a single jerk of his head.

His voice was hoarse when he spoke, “You promised.”

Donghyuck meant to speak again but Mark’s gaze was blazing when he looked up and his body stilled where he had been fighting for composure.

“Tell me, Donghyuck,” Mark said and looked at him, but looked right through him. “Who’s it gonna be?” 

**“I may never sleep tonight** **  
As long as you’re still burning bright”** **  
\- Trade Mistakes // Panic! At The Disco**

When their new manager had told them about the business meetings they would have to attend, Mark had thought of stuffy rooms with people in uncomfortable suits and joyless faces. He had learnt quickly that the people working for Moon Entertainment didn’t operate like that.

“This is so cool,” Jaemin whispered as he looked around the fancy downtown bar, slid into the booth after Jeno.

“Whatcha wanna drink boys?” Taeil gestured towards the menu lying in the middle of the round table.

Mark reflexively smiled back at the perpetual, genuine grin on the CEO’s face. He felt nerves, the good, exciting kind swirling around in his stomach.

Once Jeno, Jaemin and Mark had given him their drink orders, Taeil got up and made a beeline for the bar. Mark was about to tune into the conversation Jeno and Jaemin were having next to him when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. Struggling to get out of the booth, Mark shot his groupmates a smile and mumbled out a “I’ll be right back” before he hurried towards the green exit sign above the door next to the bar.

Mark got his phone out of his back pocket while he stepped through the exit door. Despite the smell of the dumpsters that was clogging the back alley, he smiled as he pressed his phone against his ear.

“Donghyuck,” Mark sighed into the receiver and looked up. There were no stars visible in Seoul, but Mark could still make out the few, grey tufts that were visible in the night sky against the never-ending lights.

“Hey.”

Mark frowned as he heard the tired note to Donghyuck’s voice, but then he realised that Donghyuck had just gotten out of school. Mark thanked his mother every day that she had allowed him to drop out when he had gotten the scouting call.

Especially now that it had all paid off, Mark felt victorious.

”How’s it going, baby?” he asked, taking a step further into the alley. Mark pressed his fingertips against the dingy brick wall of the opposite building, painted Donghyuck’s face onto it with his mind. “Are the final exams already getting to you? Just five more weeks, right?”

“Four.”

“Oh.” Mark grinned. “Even better. Think of it, Donghyuck, just four more weeks and then you never have to set foot into high school again.”

“I gotta come back to collect my diploma,” Donghyuck corrected him, but Mark could hear the faint smile to his voice. There was a beat of silence as Mark could hear Donghyuck shift on what was presumably his bed.

Donghyuck’s voice was unexpectedly meek as he spoke up again, slightly muffled from where Mark could imagine Donghyuck’s cheek smushed into his pillow, “Mark? Do you think you’re gonna be there when I collect it? My graduation certificate?”

“Donghyuck,” Mark shook his head. “Of course, I’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Mark felt a pang of guilt in his chest as he listened to Donghyuck breathe, shallow but evenly. It had been a long time since Mark had last been home, much longer than had been planned in the beginning. The original plan had been for him to come home after the two months the first training period had been supposed to run, but then Mark had been elected into the group.

And in the six months since then, Mark’s schedule had been so cramped with meetings and song-writing sessions and social outings that there simply had been no time to come home, as his mother made sure to remind him of every single time he called her. Mark had been bad with calling lately. Nonetheless, he hated that Donghyuck was doubting him.

“I’ll be there and I’m going to bring a sign and cheer so loud I can see your cheeks go red from the back of the room.” Mark’s smile broadened as he could hear Donghyuck’s breathing stutter. “That’s right. I’ll be there and I’ll be embarrassing as hell because my boyfriend is getting his diploma and that’s fucking awesome!”

“I miss you,” Donghyuck said after a moment.

“I miss you too.”

Mark felt a warm hand tug at the strings of his heart. He didn’t allow himself to think too deeply about how much he missed Donghyuck. It was rare that the missing pulled him under, left his lungs seizing up. Most of the time Mark was busy enough to keep the thoughts of Donghyuck at bay. But in quiet moments like this, when it was just the two of them and half a thousand kilometres in between, Mark felt Donghyuck’s absence in every cell of his body. “Tell me about your day, baby. How was your dentist’s appointment?”

“That’s next Friday.”

“Oh,” Mark said and let his eyes wander around the alley, pushed the remnants of a beer bottle out of the way with his boot. “Oh fuck!” Mark yelled and jumped back, watching a small but distinctly rodent-shaped shadow dart back underneath the dumpsters.

“Mark?! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think I just saw a rat.” Mark took several steps back into the safe light above the exit door. “Sorry, I’m listening. Tell me about school. Anyone else falling victim to the graduation madness?”

“The Science Club has been roped into the senior prank.”

“Oh, no. How’d that happen?”

Donghyuck let out a long-suffering sigh as he went on to ramble about the prank committee’s haughty yet desperate attempts at convincing the Science Club to join them in the shenanigans. Donghyuck became more lively as he talked and Mark found himself more at ease the longer he listened to Donghyuck. Everything was happening so much so fast in his life at the moment, but Donghyuck’s voice would always be there to talk him down.

“... and then the best thing was, trust me, you won’t believe this, they—”

“Yo, Mark!”

Mark whipped around as his name was called to find Jeno standing on the threshold of the exit door, keeping the heavy metal door open with his arm. “C’mon back in! Mr Moon’s business friends are here.”

Mark lifted the phone from his head before saying, “Shit, okay, I’ll be right there.”

Mark motioned his new groupmate to go back inside before he pressed the phone back to his ear.

“Donghyuck? I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“Of course you do.”

Mark frowned at the sudden tiredness in Donghyuck’s voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

Mark didn’t have to be able to see his face to know about the hard edge to Donghyuck’s mouth as he spoke.

“Don’t ‘nothing’ me, Donghyuck-ah.” Mark ground the heel of his boot against the asphalt. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

The line was silent for a couple of seconds.

“We haven’t even talked for five minutes, Mark. This is the first time you even picked up this week. The last time I’ve seen your face was on the teeny bopper magazine that I walked by on my way out of Lotte Mart. I just don’t—I’m tired of you not being here. And I know that you don’t do it on purpose, but...”

Fear was an unfamiliar taste on Mark’s tongue. Mark grit his teeth as his shoulders tensed up and his heartbeat went into overdrive. He would have given anything for the blood rushing in his ears to stop and the upheaval of panic in his chest to cease.

“But what?” Mark forced himself to ask.

“I don’t know if this works anymore, Mark.”

“Don’t say that.” His voice was raw all of a sudden. “You don’t mean that.”

“I’m just being realistic.”

“It’s us.” Mark’s breathing became ragged as he struggled to pick up any coherent thought in the jumbling mess of aversion and Donghyuck’s words in his head. “It’s us. We’re gonna get through this. We’re not—we can’t break up. I’ll do better. I’ll try harder, I swear.”

“Really?” The cold tone to Donghyuck’s voice was piercing like a knife in Mark’s side. He blinked rapidly, trying to keep his eyes from watering. “Because it has only been me lately, Mark. Just me.”

“Baby, please.”

“I need you here.” Donghyuck pulled up his nose and it was then that Mark realised that Donghyuck was crying, too. Mark pressed his hand to his face, rubbed the salt into his skin. “I know you can’t come home yet, but I need—I need you with me. I don’t care in what way. Just—”

“I’ll text you every day,” Mark hurried to say. “Every free minute. I’ll make videos if we can’t skype. Everything you want. Please, I beg you, don’t say that you wanna break up with me ever again.”

“I don’t want to. I just—”

“I know. I know. I’m so sorry for neglecting you, baby. I never should have taken you for granted. I promise I’ll do so much better. I love you, Donghyuck. I love you so much.”

“Don’t fade again.”

“I won’t.” Mark felt his heart seize with how much he meant it. “I’m sorry, I gotta go now, but I swear I will text you the moment I’m back at the hotel.”

On the other end of the line, Donghyuck took a big breath before saying, “Okay.”

“Okay.” Mark nodded his head at no one. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Mark felt the sound of the line going dead reverberate against his skull. As soon as he could move again, he drafted a text message to send Donghyuck later and set an alarm to send it.

After that, Mark took another minute to calm down. It was fine. He was fine. Looking back at it, Mark thought, their conversation had been nothing but a bump in the road. He forced himself to smile. Once his breathing had returned to normal, Mark pushed his phone into his back pocket and pulled the exit door open.

**“And I don’t know who you are** **  
When you’re sleeping in someone else’s bed”  
\- Fireworks // You Me At Six**

Donghyuck was sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone when the doorbell rang. He knew that what he was doing was a terrible idea, searching for his own name on the internet, but Donghyuck couldn’t help but look for the aftershocks of the article Mark had shown him, look for other articles that exposed him to the world. So far he hadn’t found much, nothing more than a couple of gossip rags. But the number of posts and threads and articles was growing, exponentially so. His social media followers had been multiplying so much he had set his account on private. As a precaution, Donghyuck had also unfriended all his family members.

He looked up when his door opened.

“Hey. Your mother let me in.”

Donghyuck smiled and locked his phone. He met Jaehyun in the middle of his room, slung his arms around the older man’s shoulders.

“Woah, hey.” Jaehyun laughed into his ear. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” Donghyuck rested his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder. There was light in the window opposing his. Donghyuck hugged Jaehyun for longer than what was probably inconspicuous. Then he let go, smiled as Jaehyun took his hand. “I just missed you, is all.”

“Well, I missed you, too.” Jaehyun gently tugged him closer, cupped Donghyuck’s face in his hand as he kissed him.

Donghyuck swallowed the surprised noise Jaehyun uttered when he tried to pull away but Donghyuck wouldn’t let him. Instead, Donghyuck chased after him, kept pressing their lips together. Donghyuck savoured the warm, safe feeling Jaehyun’s arms around his waist gave him, the tingle in his stomach. This was good. This was safe. This would never get big enough to make the edges of Donghyuck’s world burst.

“Donghyuck,” Jaehyun caught his hands when Donghyuck began to unbutton the top of Jaehyun’s dress shirt. There was no rejection in Jaehyun’s eyes as he searched Donghyuck’s, just curiosity and confusion and Donghyuck wanted to cry because Jaehyun was perfect and there was just one way Donghyuck would be able to keep him now. “What are you doing?”

“I just thought,” Donghyuck bit his lip. He played with the hem of Jaehyun’s shirt. “We’ve been together for some time now, so…”

“Darling,” Jaehyun said gently and tipped Donghyuck’s head upwards with his pointer finger, “are you sure you know what you’re saying? Are you sure about this? Because I distinctly remember the way you flinched away from me when we met. And I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I have no problem with taking it slow. At all. I love you more than that.”

“No.” Donghyuck took a deep breath. “I’m not that person anymore. I’m—I want to feel you. I want this.”

Jaehyun searched his eyes for another couple of moments before his gaze softened and he leaned forward. “Okay.”

Donghyuck was quick to deepen the kiss Jaehyun granted him. He pushed his hands under the sweater Jaehyun was wearing and pushed it up over his head, then returned to popping the buttons on Jaehyun’s dress shirt. Jaehyun rid him of the shirt he was wearing, letting his mouth wander in open-mouthed kisses down Donghyuck’s neck. Donghyuck scraped his nails over the short bristles at the back of Jaehyun’s head. He pried open his eyes and let out a low moan.

Nothing but darkness greeted him when Donghyuck looked out of his window.

He pressed his eyes back shut. Jaehyun maneuvered them towards the bed, pushed his leg between Donghyuck’s thighs. His hand wandered to the front of Donghyuck’s jeans, palming him through the fabric. It were times like these when Donghyuck remembered that Jaehyun was three years older than him, and a lot more experienced.

Jaehyun’s hands were hot on his body, and he let himself fall back. Jaehyun followed him, kneeling between his legs and keeping himself up on one arm as he leaned over Donghyuck.

Donghyuck’s heart picked up pace as Jaehyun slotted their mouths back together, Jaehyun’s hand wandering to the fly on Donghyuck’s jeans. While Jaehyun worked his fly open, he let his mouth wander downwards.

Donghyuck threw his arm over his eyes, focussed on his breathing as Jaehyun kissed down his bare chest. He thought his heart may beat out of his chest with how hard it was pounding against his rib cage.

“Donghyuck.”

Reluctantly, Donghyuck took his arm off his eyes and lifted his head so he could look at Jaehyun, sitting between his thighs. Donghyuck looked at where Jaehyun’s hands were resting on his thighs and then in between and Donghyuck realised that he saw nothing. He wasn’t hard. Donghyuck’s stomach bottomed out.

“I’m sorry,” he wrenched out, surprised by how much his own voice was shaking.

Jaehyun shook his head, holding his gaze. There was no accusation in his eyes and Donghyuck felt the need to retch.

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun said softly, eventually, and made to get off the bed.

“No, wait!” Donghyuck tried to grab for him but Jaehyun was already standing.

“I’m not leaving,” Jaehyun consoled him and began picking up his clothes from the floor. Donghyuck averted his eyes to his knees, made sure to not accidentally look at Jaehyun’s face or the bulge still prominent in his slacks. As soon as Jaehyun had put his clothes back on, he sat down at the edge of Donghyuck’s bed, beckoning Donghyuck to his side. Donghyuck hurried to situate himself next to him.

“Talk to me,” Jaehyun pleaded, taking one of Donghyuck’s hands in his. Donghyuck tried hard not to flinch from the touch. It took every ounce of self-control Donghyuck possessed not to bury his head in his hands. But Jaehyun deserved better than that. Jaehyun deserved the truth, and for Donghyuck to look him in the eye when he told it to him.

“I love you,” Donghyuck said. He used his free hand to wipe his nose.

Jaehyun smiled at him, the corners around his eyes crinkling, but there was a different edge to Jaehyun’s gaze now, a deeper level of understanding that made Donghyuck’s heart stop short in his chest.

“Yeah, maybe,” Jaehyun said and for the fraction of a second there was a cold undertone to his voice that Donghyuck had never heard before, but he surely deserved. It was pain-induced.

“You’re not in love with me.” Jaehyun averted his eyes to the floor and then, much to Donghyuck’s horror, to the window. “Not like you’re in love with him anyways.”

“Jaehyun-”

“I get it.” Jaehyun looked back at him and smiled. He waved his free hand. “You know when I met you, you were this beautiful, heartbroken boy was just trying to keep his family afloat and I didn’t care. I thought that all the things broken inside you would heal, at the latest when your dad did. And I thought that maybe if I gave you time, if I’d just be patient then you would fall for me. That my love could cure your sadness. But you were never sad because of your family. That wasn’t what was keeping you from committing to me, was it?”

“I did,” Donghyuck felt his eyes burn with all the mistakes he had made. “I fell for you, I swear.”

“No, Donghyuck.” Jaehyun’s smile was gentle, as gentle as the hand that came up to cup Donghyuck’s cheek. “No, you didn’t. You couldn’t. Your heart already belongs to someone else, and I see now that it always has.”

Donghyuck let his eyes flutter close at Jaehyun’s touch. He felt his skin sear with all the shame coursing through his blood.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “You’re right. You’re right and I’m sorry. I never—I never meant to hurt you, Jaehyun.”

“I know, love.” Jaehyun sighed and let his hand fall to his lap. “You changed when he came back, you know? At first I thought I was just imagining things but then I saw the way you looked at him at the street festival.”

“I was convinced I hated him back then. I wanted to hate him.”

“Exactly.” Jaehyun smiled. “You were so… ruffled. He got to you. He got to you in a way I never did.”

Donghyuck heaved in a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Donghyuck didn’t get much further as in the next moment, Jaehyun was getting to his feet. Only when Jaehyun had reached the door did Donghyuck realise that the other man was leaving.

“Please,” he choked out, “don’t go. I-I don’t want to lose you.”

His hand on the handle, Jaehyun turned around and smiled at him. For the first time, it wasn’t kind. “I know, Donghyuck, but you don’t have the right to ask me to stay anymore.”

Donghyuck felt his lungs contract as the harsh truth of Jaehyun’s words registered in his brain.

“I love you, but you will never reciprocate my feelings and I’m too good to be a secondary character in your life. Truthfully, I hope that you think of me some time, when he makes you sad again, and realise what you have done. Lord knows, I’ll think of you. But I also hope that you’ll be happy. After everything I’ve seen, you two deserve each other.”

Donghyuck pressed his hand to his mouth to keep all the noises that wanted to escape him inside and watched, shaken by silent hiccups, as Jung Jaehyun walked out of his life.

 **“Let me come home to you** **  
Don’t let me lose you too”** **  
\- Home // Topic**

Donghyuck watched his teacher walk to the whiteboard. As usual, she failed to highlight the book passage she was talking about on the screen and Donghyuck dumped his head into the crook of his elbow, wishing for the lesson to just be over already. They were a week away from finals and his English teacher was still trying to hand them new information instead of revising with them.

Donghyuck closed his eyes, drowned out the waxings of his teacher by going over the quadratic formula in his head. His maths final exam was in less than five days and he had spent the night going over his notes from junior year.

Donghyuck hadn’t realised that he had dozed off until he was shaken by the shoulder. He jerked up, glared at Chenle whose hand was still clutching his arm.

“What?” Donghyuck hissed before he realised that the entire room was quiet.

His peers as well as the teacher were all looking at him. Embarrassed, Donghyuck rubbed his face, tried to will the red from his cheeks. He mumbled out an apology for falling asleep, then he realised that the principal was standing in the doorframe of the classroom.

Behind him, Donghyuck spotted his brother. Doyoung’s face was impassive, but Donghyuck could tell something was wrong. Doyoung had come home from university not ten hours ago. He was supposed to be in bed, sleeping off his hangover. Donghyuck’s heart stopped beating right then and there.

“What?” The word came over his lips, too loud and too frantic, before he could shove it back in. His voice sounded foreign to his own ears. “What happened?”

“Gather your things, Mr Lee,” his principal said and the air of sympathy to his voice made Donghyuck’s confusion fade into worry. “You’re freed from class.”

Doyoung moved forward and through the rows, took Donghyuck’s backpack and shoved his books into it. Doyoung’s movements were jerky, and it was the urgent look his brother shot him that finally shook Donghyuck from his stupor. He stumbled after Doyoung, out of the classroom and through the halls.

“What happened?” Donghyuck asked again once they reached the car park.

Doyoung threw the backpack onto the backseat of their mother’s car before he looked at Donghyuck over the roof of the car. It was only in the bright sunlight that Donghyuck noticed the unusually reddened state of Doyoung’s eyes.

“Dad had a heart attack,” Doyoung said and gritted his teeth, obviously fighting for composure. “He just crumbled while sorting through the new shipment of arabica beans. Mom called me from the ambulance. We’re going to the hospital. Get in the car.”

Donghyuck felt fear lace around his intestines. A thousand thoughts were racing through his mind, but all of them came down to the same thing: His dad might be dying.

Donghyuck pressed a hand to his mouth in order to keep from hyperventilating. He did as he was told and hurried to get into the passenger seat.

Donghyuck hadn’t been to the hospital in years, so the grey concrete walls and mint-coloured windows were only vaguely familiar to him. The last time Donghyuck had seen them was when his brother Donghyun had broken his arm in eighth grade. They walked to the entrance doors in silence, and way to slowly for Donghyuck’s liking, but he knew what Doyoung was doing.

His brother wasn’t prone to admit weakness, too much of an overachiever, too much of the always patronised, always patronising middle brother to show sadness. That he had cried at all was what worried Donghyuck the most. He knew next to nothing about heart attacks.

Their mother was talking on the phone when Donghyuck followed Doyoung into the waiting room of the emergency department. There were no tear tracks on her face, but Donghyuck could see the fear behind his mother’s composed facade.

Keeping the phone pressed to her ear, his mother pulled him into her arms. Donghyuck buried his face in her shoulder and ignored the slight quiver to her hands as she began to card soothing fingers through his hair. Faintly, Donghyuck could make out the voice of his eldest brother on the phone, talking.

“You’re right, honey, we’ll have to wait for what they say. Yes, Donghyuck’s here now. I’ll call you once I have an update. I love you, too.”

His mother hung up shortly after.

“Mum,” Donghyuck pressed out once he felt able to lift his head from his mother’s shoulder.

“Shh, I know, baby.”

“Dad won’t die, will he?”

Donghyuck felt his heart clench so painfully his breath hitched. The thought was too terrifying, too unimaginable to comprehend. His dad had been fine in the morning. He had made Donghyuck lunch for school and even smuggled a candy bar into the package while his mum hadn’t been looking. The candy bar was still at the bottom of his backpack.

Donghyuck’s mum shook her head, somehow found the strength to muster up a smile. “No, of course not, honey. He’s getting surgery right now. They’ll fix him up and he’ll be as good as new.”

Donghyuck nodded.

The rational part of his brain knew that his mum was not a doctor, not the surgeon and she couldn’t know, but the bigger part of Donghyuck just trusted his mother to tell him the truth. None of his family had ever lied to him, and Donghyuck believed with all his might that his mother wasn’t going to start now.

“Okay.” Donghyuck wiped his eyes. “Okay.”

“I’m gonna go get coffee,” Doyoung mumbled from behind them.

With closed eyes, Donghyuck listened to his footfalls, loud and squeaky on the linoleum floor, and matched his breathing to the tact. Then he let himself fall onto one of the cheap plastic chairs, curled himself into his mother’s side once she had taken the chair next to him.

The next few hours were the longest in Donghyuck’s life. He spent the time zoning out, watching people in varying degrees of distress enter and leave the waiting room while he ate himself through the small mountain of snacks Doyoung had gotten from vending machine. At the three-hour mark, Donghyuck couldn’t sit any longer.

Frazzled by the ticking of the clock, unignorable once Donghyuck had realised it was there, he got up, nearly tripping over Doyoung’s feet in his haste to stand up.

“I’m gonna go get some fresh air,” Donghyuck lowly informed his mother, who looked up from the magazine she had bought and nodded.

Doyoung had fallen asleep against her side and Donghyuck was careful not to wake him as he pulled his brother’s phone from his pocket.

He was greeted by the blaring siren of an ambulance as he stepped out of the entrance doors of the emergency department. Donghyuck made sure not to look as the EMTs rushed past him and walked several metres away. He took a few moments to just suck the fresh air into his lungs, then he looked down at his brother’s phone.

It took Donghyuck only two trials to unlock it. He typed the number into the call pad from memory. Willing the sting in his eyes to subside, Donghyuck pressed the phone to his ear. It took some time for the connection to build up, but eventually the dial tone came in even intervals.

“C’mon,” Donghyuck grunted out when he was redirected to voicemail.

Gritting his teeth so hard his jaw hurt, Donghyuck hung up and redialled. He waited for the familiar click that told him the call was connecting. Even at the fourth attempt it didn’t come. Donghyuck tried two more times, then he gave up.

It took all of Donghyuck’s self-control not to shatter Doyoung’s phone against the concrete as he seethed. Only when all the red had faded from his vision, Donghyuck pocketed the phone and turned back to the hospital.

There was a doctor standing in front of his family when Donghyuck walked into the waiting room, causing Donghyuck to run the rest of the distance. He arrived just in time to catch his mother’s crumbling form.

It took Donghyuck a moment to realise the sobbing coming from her mouth were happy tears. A look at his brother’s face confirmed Donghyuck’s hope and he felt himself sag against his mother in relief.

“You’ll have to come back tomorrow to visit him, but he’s stable for now and the bypass placement went very well. He’ll have to be cautious for a while and there are some dietary adjustments that have to be made, but we can talk about all of that tomorrow.”

Looking up from his clipboard, the surgeon smiled at them. Donghyuck could tell, how glad he was to have good news. Donghyuck felt words of gratitude bubble up in his throat, but they didn’t make it past the lump in his throat.

“Thank you, doctor.” Doyoung shook the man’s hand while Donghyuck resorted to patting his mother’s back.

“My pleasure.” The surgeon nodded at each of them before walking off, probably to save another family.

As soon as he was gone, Doyoung threw his arms around Donghyuck and their mother and let out a half-laugh half-cry. Donghyuck reciprocated the noise and soon all of them were hysterically laughing. They kept cracking up the entire drive home, so much that eventually Donghyuck’s mother had to pull to the side and let Doyoung take the wheel.

Once home, Donghyuck sat himself down on the couch with Doyoung and mindlessly watched TV while their mother called Donghyun to update him on the situation. It wasn’t until they had gone through two of the Star Wars movies until Doyoung’s phone began to ring.

“Why is Mark calling me?” Doyoung asked Donghyuck, who snatched the phone up and speed-walked out of the room. He locked himself into the guest bathroom before answering.

“Hey, babe!”

Donghyuck flinched away from Mark’s loud voice, barely audible over the clamor that was going on wherever Mark was. Donghyuck made out someone calling for a new mic.

“Hey,” Donghyuck rasped out and sat himself down on the lid of the toilet.

His bones were aching with the emotional rollercoaster of the day.

“Sorry for the noise, I’m kinda busy right now. We’re doing a bunch of interviews. What’s up?”

Donghyuck felt his lips press into a tight line. Looking down at his lap he noticed that his hand was shaking, so he balled it into a fist.

“Something—” He sighed. “Something happened. Can you go somewhere else where it’s more quiet?”

“Oh.” The nonchalant tone to Mark’s voice made Donghyuck grit his teeth. He felt like he was about to throw up. “That sucks. I can’t go right now because the new interview starts in a few but I’ll try to listen here and then we can talk about it later, alright?”

“Well, that’s just great,” Donghyuck said. It came out much more venomous than he had intended.

The beat of silence on the other end of the line told Donghyuck that Mark had noticed. Donghyuck could see Mark in front of him, a thousand foreign people surrounding him, his face melting into that pinched expression that cut a great deal of his sympathy away. Mark’s voice was so consoling it almost sounded patronising when he said, “Hey, Donghyuck-ah, calm down. I’m busy right now, but I’m sure I’ve got time for you tonight.”

“No, you don’t!” Donghyuck exploded. His head was swimming with exhaustion and his blood was searing with anger. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Mark! And don’t fucking pretend that you’ve got time when you clearly don’t! Fuck you!”

“Donghyuck!” Mark’s cry was so indignant that it only fed to the cloud of anger in Donghyuck’s chest.

“No, I mean it! Fuck you! Remember what you promised me? That you’d try harder to make this work and what happened? You didn’t even last a week and we barely talked all month. And now, _now_ when I for once really need you, you blow me off again? I’m done! This was your chance, Mark, and you just fucking blew it! I’m so fucking done! Fuck your interviews and fuck you and fuck everything! This is over! I mean that! Don’t bother coming back because you’ve got nothing left to come back to, you hear me? I never want to fucking see you again!”

Donghyuck pressed down so harshly on the red call button that for a moment he thought he had broken the screen. His breathing was ragged and the guest bathroom seemed to be closing in on him all of a sudden. Donghyuck struggled with the lock for a moment before he managed to push the door open and make it back to the living room.

“Here!” Donghyuck threw Doyoung’s phone at him. “Don’t fucking pick up when he calls again!”

Donghyuck made a beeline for the back door. He didn’t stop when his brother called after him. He didn’t stop until he had left their garden and the willow beyond behind him. He kept moving forward until the undergrowth became too dense for him and he had to stop.

Fearing that all the emotion coursing through his body was going to rip him apart otherwise, Donghyuck screamed. His insides were tearing and Donghyuck could feel his soul bleeding out through the cracks. As soon as he had reached the ground, he curled into a ball and kept wailing.

It hurt terribly, the fear for his father and Mark’s absence.

Mark, who had always been his tether and safety net, who hadn’t come back in almost a year and a half. Donghyuck felt the wound where Mark’s absence had cut another piece out of him day by day and the missing he felt was so overwhelming it made him retch. But Mark was gone. Mark was gone, belonged to different people now and Donghyuck could never allow him to come back.

Not if it meant being torn apart like this ever again. 

When Donghyuck picked himself off the ground eventually, he did so with a hole in his chest. But it wasn’t an open wound anymore. The sutures he had stitched so haphazardly over his heart hurt, and his bones ached now more than ever, but the pounding against the back of his head had receded and all that was left of Donghyuck now was grim determination.

No sound came over his lips as he began the track back to his house, no feeling was left in his chest as Donghyuck let his hands glide over the high grass of the willow.

 **“We’ve gotta let go of all of our ghosts** **  
We both know we ain’t kids no more”** **  
\- Send My Love // Adele**

The morning was eerily silent as Donghyuck trudged down the street. He was thankful that the sun hadn’t fully risen yet, the dawn being easier on his eyes. Donghyuck admitted that he was playing foul a little bit, approaching Mark’s house at that early of an hour. But if Mark was still sleeping he wouldn’t be fast enough to kick Donghyuck out, and Donghyuck would have the chance to mend them.

He found the spare key under the stone with the purple _Welcome_ painted onto it, right where it always had been, and unlocked the front door.

The house was silent and Donghyuck was thankful for that too. He wasn’t keen on crossing neither Jeno nor Jaemin before he had gotten the chance to talk to Mark. Careful not to make too much noise, Donghyuck tiptoed up the stairs, turned to the left and slowly pried open the door to Mark’s room. The blinds were closed, shutting out most of the light.

Blindly, Donghyuck navigated himself towards the bed and lowered himself to sit on the edge of it.

“Mark,” Donghyuck whispered.

He frowned when he got no response.

Narrowing his eyes, Donghyuck leaned forward and groped around the bedside table until he had found the lamp. He flicked the switch and felt his heart skip a beat. _No._ The word resonated hundredfold in his head.

Mark’s bed was empty, and so were the open drawers of his dresser. 

Donghyuck jumped up and bolted out of the room. He tried the bedroom of Mark’s parents first, and found nothing. Cursing, Donghyuck sprinted down the stairs and checked the kitchen, the fridge that was now empty and even the outside terrace. Donghyuck examined every nook and cranny of the house, but the result stayed the same.

They were gone, all of them. Mark was gone.

Fighting to keep his lungs from seizing up, Donghyuck hasted up the stairs again and returned to Mark’s room. He found in the en-suite bathroom where thunder had struck. Donghyuck took in the shards littering the floor, the remnants of the mirror above the washing basin glittering in multi-coloured specs, its frayed edges coated in scarlet.

Slowly, Donghyuck walked backwards, out of the en-suite and Mark’s room. His legs were numb where they carried him down the stairs. Donghyuck left the house through the back door. He climbed over the low fence separating both the properties and collapsed onto the hard stones of his back porch. He pulled his knees to his chest and breathed, covering his eyes with his hands.

Donghyuck didn’t know how long he remained in this position.

It was only when he heard his brother’s voice behind him that Donghyuck bothered to open his eyes again.

“Hey, Hyuckie, are you alright?”

Not finding the strength to look at his brother, Donghyuck shook his head.

“Do you want to come inside? It’s a bit early to sit outside all by yourself, don’t you think?”

“He’s gone,” Donghyuck mumbled at his lap.

Doyoung let out a huff as he sat himself down next to him, threw an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. “What was that, Hyuckie?”

“He’s gone,” Donghyuck repeated too loudly, his voice too trembling. “Mark’s gone. I—he left.”

Doyoung was silent for a long moment before he let out a low hum. “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck shook his head.

“But you know,” Doyoung continued, “maybe this is good. Maybe this is for the best. I mean look at you, Donghyuck. He’s been back for five minutes and you’re…you look bad again. Like you were after dad’s heart attack. From what I can tell, Mark messed up and pissed off before he had to deal with the consequences _again._ I’m not surprised and you shouldn’t be sad. He deserves nothing from you, not your sadness and certainly not your love.”

Donghyuck pressed a hand to his mouth. He felt like he might throw up if he didn’t. “Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that. It’s my fault this time. I was stupid.”

“So what.” Doyoung’s grip around him tightened and Donghyuck let his head fall onto his brother’s shoulder, pressing onto the warmth. “Maybe it’s for the best this way. You’re so much better than him anyways. He can live his idol life and you’ll start university in spring. Just you wait, one semester at uni and you’ve forgotten all about him.”

Donghyuck tried hard to swallow the sharp ache that unfolded in his chest at Doyoung’s words.

His brother was right, in a way. And Donghyuck didn’t have much of a choice anymore. But it wasn’t right. Not for him. Donghyuck had known it all along, even if he had realised it too late. There was no forgetting for Donghyuck. There was no life for him without Mark in it, for the both of them. They had proven themselves as much over and over again. Donghyuck had just been too stubborn to accept it and Mark had been so far away.

“You’re right.” Donghyuck lied. “I’ll get over it eventually.”

“Good.”

Donghyuck could feel his brother smile against his temple before he ruffled his hair. “I’m not gonna force you to come inside just yet, but don’t try to stay outside for too long, okay?”

“Promise.”

Doyoung got up and went inside. Donghyuck remained in his position, just breathing. Eventually, he got up.

**“The memories of our past,  
they give me power  
I will live, I will laugh,  
I’ll make you prouder”  
\- Paradise // XOV**

Mark hated the smell of hospitals, the incessant stench of death and antibacterial solution. He was thankful someone had opened a window in the small room he had entered.

There was a singular bed pushed against the far wall of the room. A small, fresh bouquet of flowers was filling the air with a sweet smell. In Mark’s opinion, the flowers only made the stench worse, but he knew that the gesture was more to calm minds instead of actually brightening up the room.

He looked at Donghyuck’s father, felt his heart ache at the sight. Donghyuck’s father had always treated him like a fourth son, even when Mark had begun to date his youngest in front of them. Seeing him lie in a hospital bed like this, with half a dozen machines around him and tubes sticking out of his skin, made Mark’s insides twist. It was wrong.

“Mark?”

Instinctively, Mark squared his shoulders because that voice didn’t belong to the Lee he had hoped for, but he wasn’t about to leave because of that. Mark looked up and at Doyoung, who was hovering on the threshold of the hospital room.

“Hey.” Mark inclined his head solemnly. “I came to visit your dad.”

“I see that.”

Mark wanted to sigh. When he had landed, he had tried their house first. Mark had been welcomed by Donghyun, however, as well as Doyoung, both of whom had made it pretty clear to Mark what they thought of his return. Mark had left before any of them thought to remove him from the scene by force.

He didn’t care about their opinion of him per se, but if Donghyuck’s brothers were that agitated it meant that Donghyuck was hurting pretty badly, and that was something Mark cared about a lot. He had tried to explain to Doyoung and Donghyun that he was back to end Donghyuck’s pain but they hadn’t been inclined to listen. So Mark had gone to the hospital instead, resorting to taking care of Donghyuck’s dad while Donghyuck himself was busy cooling off.

Mark raised his hands. “I mean no harm.”

“Too late,” Doyoung grunted and walked over to the bed.

Mark took a step back, but leaned forward. “I’m here to make things right with Donghyuck, but your dad means a lot to me, too, Doyoung, you know that.”

Doyoung turned to look at him. His gaze was so intense that Mark felt the urge to take another step away from him but he stood his ground, let Doyoung level him as long as he felt necessary. Eventually, Doyoung averted his gaze. With a pinched expression he made sure all the tubes looked good, the solution hanging from the IV pole was dripping in even intervals into his father’s veins.

His voice was calm as he spoke, “Do you love my brother?”

Mark huffed out a laugh. Doyoung was being ridiculous. “What kind of question is that?”

“Do you love him?” Doyoung repeated, undeterred, and Mark felt the smile fade from his face. Doyoung was getting at something, Mark could tell by the wide set of his shoulders, the clenching of his jaw.

He wasn’t sure whether he was going to like what Doyoung had to say.

“More than anything.”

Doyoung nodded, infinitesimally. “Leave.”

“What?”

Doyoung looked at him. “My brother broke up with you, so leave. He obviously doesn’t love you anymore, shouldn’t anyways, so you need to leave.”

“No—no, you’re wrong.” Mark shook his head, couldn’t help the grin that pulled his lips apart. Mark got that Doyoung tried to play up his big brother role, but he really was wrong. “This is just a bump in the road. You know Donghyuck. He’s a little bit pissed off at the moment, but he’ll calm down soon and then we’re gonna be fine in no time. We always are.”

Doyoung crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And you’re sure about that?”

“Of course I’m sure about that.” Mark felt himself mirror Doyoung’s position, jutted his chin out a little.

He knew that he probably looked like a petulant child doing so, but Doyoung was being ridiculous trying to teach Mark something about the boy he loved. Even if Doyoung was said boy’s brother.

“Okay.” Doyoung nodded and somehow Mark didn’t get the impression he had convinced the other man. “If you say so, let’s do it like this. Wait for him to come to you.”

Mark furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

“Easy.” Doyoung smiled in a way that left Mark queasy, but he wasn’t about to back down now. “You’re going to respect him. You’re going to respect the space he needs right now and wait for him to calm down. You wait for him to call you. Let him see to his wounds and leave until he asks you to come back.”

Mark stared at Doyoung. Then he smiled. “Sure.”

Mark shrugged. Doyoung really didn’t know anything.

Doyoung nodded, his lips pressing into a hard line. Afterwards, he focussed back on his father and Mark knew the conversation was over. Mark cast one last look at Donghyuck’s father in the hospital bed, then he made a beeline for the door.

Once he had left the hospital building, he took several minutes to breathe the stench out of his system, swallow the taste off of his tongue. Next, Mark pulled out his phone. He wasn’t allowed to call Donghyuck, but that didn’t mean he would lose any time taking care of him.

“Xiumin?” he asked once their group’s manager had picked up.

“Mark? How are you? Is everything alright?”

Mark smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. No need to call the PR guys.”

Mark pretended to not hear the relieved sigh his manager let out.

“I’ve got something else, though.”

“Sure, whatever you need. That’s what I’m here for.”

Mark nodded at no one. “I need you to get in contact with my bank. I want to transfer a bigger amount of money.”

Xiumin chuckled. Mark could hear his pen scrap over paper. “You planning on buying yourself a car?”

“No, my father-in-law is in the hospital. I want his bill covered.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Mark looked up at the cold concrete walls, the ugly mint-coloured windows. “Yeah, me too.”

Xiumin hummed. “But that’s fine. I’ll take care of it and have everything ready for you to sign once you’re back. Speaking of which, when do you think that will be?”

Mark began walking towards the car park, retrieved the key for his rental car from his back pocket. “I’ll drop by my parents and then I’m on the next flight home. Arrange that too, please.”

“The next flight? Didn’t you want to stay for longer?”

“Yes.” Mark couldn’t help but frown at the sour taste of his tongue. “But there has been a change of plans.”

“Okay.” Mark hated the concern in her voice. “Everything alright, Mark?”

Mark smiled. Everyone was doubting him today, and he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“Everything is fine.”

**“Come up to meet you,  
tell you I’m sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are”  
\- The Scientist // Coldplay**

Donghyuck sat on his window sill, one leg hanging into his room, the other dangling in the air. If he reached out a little, he could touch the leaves of the tree in front of his window. He refrained from doing that, though. The fall seemed yet a little bit too painful to be risked.

Dusk was breaking and the air was getting colder, more bearable. Donghyuck took a sip of the tea his mum had brought him, watching the sun vanish beyond the roofs of his own, beloved suburbia.

Doyoung had been so nice as to reassure their mother that Donghyuck didn’t look sick because he was heartbroken but rather because he was actually coming down with something. His mother had been up in arms in minutes and apart from the tea Donghyuck also had a bowl of chicken noodle soup waiting on his desk. He didn’t feel particularly hungry.

A loud yell from the ground floor reassured him that his entire family had gathered around the TV to watch the tennis game that was on tonight. Donghyuck was thankful that everyone else was busy while he pretended to be asleep. He was exhausted, so much that it hurt when he blinked. He couldn’t go to sleep yet, however.

Setting the empty mug down on the sill in front of him, Donghyuck pulled out his phone. He forewent his contact list and instead typed the number from memory. Then he pressed the phone to his ear. As he had hoped, the connection went straight to voice mail.

“Hey,” Donghyuck rasped out and cringed at his own voice. But it was too late now, the voice mail was recording and he had to say what he had to say now, or he would never find the courage again. “I’ve been thinking about what to say, but all I know is that I don’t know how we got to this point. When I think about it, when I think about my life from eighteen years old until now, two years later, really, it’s like I’m looking at the sea and no matter how much I try, I just can’t seem to be able to see the bottom of it. You’re clear, though. I never had a problem seeing you. So please, for this, try to see me.”

Closing his eyes, Donghyuck inhaled.

“I’m sorry for the things that I’ve done. For the things that we’ve done to each other. And I don’t know whether we can ever forgive each other for that. But I’m calling—fuck, I’m calling because I’m willing to try, Mark. I just need you to know that I don’t care whether you’re famous now because the world may have changed but you and I haven’t.”

Donghyuck heard himself utter a half-sob half laugh.

“I don’t know what to do now, Mark. I fucked up. Now it’s on me, I guess. But—and, please, try to believe me this because I know you won’t—what I’m trying to say is, I didn’t sleep with Jaehyun. I tried but I couldn’t. You told me to make a decision and I wanted to choose him, but I couldn’t. And that’s because of you. There was never a choice. Just you.”

Donghyuck laughed again, pulled at his own hair. 

“You’re it, Mark. The one, always the one, over and over the one and I can’t live without you. Truthfully, I’ve been in love with you since I was four years old and I don’t know how to not love you. You never gave me a chance. Fuck, that’s probably the only truth in this whole mess. I love you. And I know—I hope that you still love me too. You told me once that you would do whatever it takes so that we could be together.”

Donghyuck swallowed, “And that as long as there are clouds in the sky you and I will be together. There are clouds in the sky every day and you’re not here because I hurt you, because I was stupid and didn’t think and I honestly thought something as trivial as some stalker fans of yours were bad enough to keep me from you. I’m sorry for that, Mark. If you can love me again, I can let go of all of that. I’m willing to let go of everything, for you. I’m here. I’m here and I’m yours, just like I always have been. I love you. I’ll always just love you. If you can, come back to me. Okay—”

The _bye_ at the end of his speech got cut off by the beep of the recording limit. With shaking fingers, Donghyuck pressed the confirmation button as the automated voice asked him whether he wanted to send the voice mail.

Now that the words were out there, Donghyuck felt lighter, almost light enough to climb the branches of the tree up to their highest point. Instead, Donghyuck let himself fall back into his room. He set his phone and the empty mug down on his desk, then he let himself fall onto his bed. Not bothering to take his clothes off, Donghyuck buried his head in his pillow. 

**“Whisky and rum, blood on my tongue**   
**You haunt me”** **  
\- You Haunt Me // Sir Sly (Amtrac Remix)**

Mark regretted drinking the moment the liquor slid down his throat. It was way too expensive to taste so shitty, but then Mark had always hated alcohol. He hated the taste of it and how it alleviated the ugly parts of him that he struggled to keep in check on the daily as it was. These days, however, the ugly parts of him was all that he had left and Mark didn’t care. He needed the liquor to make him not feel a thing.

Mark made it through half of the bottle until his throat finally stopped protesting. He filled one more glass with the shimmery whisky before he walked from the dorm kitchen into his room. His laptop was still sitting where he had left it on the desk. It came to life with a press of his finger and a swipe of his thumb.

Mark signed out of all his public social media accounts first and then logged back in with a private account, the same build-up for every website. On that email, his profile was a nondescript picture of a motor bike and a name he had made up with one of those name generators online. There was nothing leading back to his persona, neither famous nor private. More importantly, this account had access to his past.

Mark scrolled and found nothing of interest. His parents didn’t know how to use the platform and Mark had no interest in seeing what the people from his high school year were doing. He left a like on the pictures of his old friends posing in front of the concert hall where they were playing their first own show. Mark made a mental note to give Johnny a call some time. It would be good to reconnect with people that knew him. Mark closed the tab and opened another.

He took a big swig of his whisky before he did the inevitable. Most nights Mark wasn’t self-destructive enough to stalk himself through Donghyuck’s social media, but today had been a long day filled with business meetings where he had to sit and listen to people that long depended on him and not the other way around and Mark felt like he deserved it, especially because he had signed all the papers Jeno had approved of. Their group was in for a second album. A celebratory cause. So Mark allowed himself to witness all that he was missing and all that he had once had.

Donghyuck’s profile was filled with pictures of a dog (apparently Donghyun had gotten himself a French bulldog) and some promotional posts he had shared from the official website of his parents’ coffee shop. Mark studied the way Donghyuck was wearing his hair straightened now, and how his final growth spurt had made the baby fat melt from his cheeks. Mark saved the pictures that hurt the most. He emptied out his glass once he began seeing posts he already knew and scrolled back up.

It was hard to keep track of time with a schedule like his, and it happened that Mark didn’t even know what month it was. Time was relative to him now, he counted from concert to concert and variety show to variety show instead of days. How many had passed he often times only realised when he saw it number on his screen, saw how much his other half had changed.

Mark was about to close the tab when his eyes caught on a post he had scrolled over before, a status update that made Mark’s heart catch in his throat. Mark started at the screen, read the post over and over. He blinked, hoped the letters would change, but they didn’t. Black on white, it told him that his boyfriend was in a relationship with another man. Mark only flinched when he felt a stinging jolt of pain.

He looked down and frowned at the mess on his dress pants. They were covered in glass shards, the front of his dress shirt soaked in liquor and splatters of blood gushing out of his hand.

Wincing, Mark dropped the remnants of his glass and inspected the damage to his hand. He didn’t feel more than a dull pounding in his palm, but Mark knew that that was due to the fact that the alcohol was numbing his pain. A silent, hysteric sob escaped him as he remembered who usually stitched him up whenever he was so stupid as to fuck up his body. He suppressed the rest and stood up.

He pressed his hand to his shirt while walking into the kitchen, watching the deep scarlet covering his hand fade into rusty brown as he held his hand under cold water. With his unscathed hand, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket.

It rang three times before his groupmate picked up. The slur to Jaemin’s vowels told Mark that his friend was drunk too, just in a much more socially acceptable manner.

“Markie!” Jaemin cheered into the receiver, making Mark cringe. “Where are you? You should come here!”

Mark made sure to enunciate every word as clear as possible as he said, “Jaemin, listen to me for a moment, please.”

“Oh.”

Mark squinted as Jaemin’s voice faded and was replaced by the sound of the club.

“Mark?”

Mark sighed in relief as he heard Jeno’s voice, clear and sober. “Jeno.”

“What’s up, man?”

“There has been a change of plans.” Mark shut the kitchen faucet off and lifted his hand to his eyes. Cleaned, the cut in his palm was about the length of a safety pin. Nothing that he couldn’t patch up himself. “Remember how we wanted to go on a trip to work on our second album?”

“Yeah, we wanted to fly in two weeks if I recall correctly. Wait, Mark, please don’t tell me you have to push it back because I also wanted to see my sister this break and—”

“Don’t worry, Jeno. I’m not cancelling anything. I just thought of a destination for us.”

“Okay? Where are we going then?”

“Home,” Mark replied. “My home. My parents’ old house belongs to me now. We can stay there, far away from all the hustle and bustle. Just us and the music.”

“I thought you hated your hometown. And suddenly you want to go there? Is there a reason, or?”

“Yes.” Mark smiled and balled his injured hand into a fist. The pain cut through the drunken haze like a knife, cleared his head. “A reason, one reason, over and over again the same thing. I was just a bit wrong, wasn’t I? But that’s fine. Nothing I can’t fix.”

“Mark, what are you talking about?”

“I have to…get something back. But that doesn’t matter right now. I’ll explain you guys everything tomorrow. Just be back for like breakfast.”

Jeno huffed on the other end of the line, but it sounded distinctively more like a laugh. “You know, you should get your own place some time.”

“I have a place.”

“In your hometown.”

“Details,” Mark wanted to wave his hand before he remember the open wound and aborted the motion at the last moment. “Bring Jaem back home safely.”

“I always do.”

Mark smiled, for real this time. “See you tomorrow.”

“See ya.”

Jeno hung up and Mark let his phone clatter onto the kitchen table. Then he made his way into the living room. The bottle of whisky was still sitting on the cabinet where he had left it. Mark took another swig, then he took the bottle with him back into the kitchen and stuffed it into the trash can below the sink. Wrapping his wound into a dish towel with the help of his teeth, Mark stumbled through his groupmates’ flat before he pushed the door to his room open and let himself fall onto his bed. He didn’t sleep for another couple of hours.

By the time he did, the bleeding of his hand had stopped.

 **“There’s some nights, we’re worlds apart**   
**Not this time, no goodbyes”** **  
\- Wild Ones // You Me At Six**

The day Donghyuck’s phone rang was a hot summer day. As a season special, the coffee shop had added smoothies to their menu and the shop was bustling. Donghyuck was kept busy, especially now that they were a man down ever since Jaehyun had quit.

Donghyuck didn’t feel the need to complain. He was thankful that work was keeping him busy, kept his mind from drifting. He worked over hours these days, signed himself up for double shifts so he was too tired in the morning to think and too exhausted in the evening to do anything but crash on his bed and sleep. 

Donghyuck was handing strawberry frappuccinos out to a group of preteen girls when his phone began to vibrate in his back pocket.

“Mom, I’m stepping out for a sec!” he called out to his mother who was standing in front of the coffee grinder.

She waved him off and Donghyuck hasted through the break room onto the back street that was cleared for delivery vehicles only. Donghyuck looked at the sky as he pulled the phone out of his pocket and pressed it to his ear.

“Hello?”

For several moments, there was nothing but breathing on the other end of the line and Donghyuck frowned. He was about the check the caller ID when he got an answer and his heart skipped a beat. He didn’t have to look anymore.

“Lee Donghyuck.”

His name. His name were the first words Mark Lee spoke to him three months after he had waltzed back into Donghyuck’s life and one after Donghyuck had broken them irreparably. Or so he had thought. Hearing Mark’s voice was enough to make Donghyuck’s heart beat twice as fast in his chest. His eyes stayed glued to the sky as he rasped out a “Mark?”

“Hey,” Mark said and Donghyuck didn’t know how he felt about the fact that Mark sounded about as wrecked as Donghyuck felt.

“Hey,” Donghyuck gave back and barely suppressed the urge to punch himself in the face. Quickly, he added, “You called.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you—uhm, did you get my voicemail?”

“I did.”

The hope that had so cruelly snuck back into his body made his stomach flip. Donghyuck waited for Mark to say something. When he didn’t, Donghyuck inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He pictured Mark, not how he was now, but who he had been. The Mark he had been able to talk to as easily as breathing came to him. The Mark of which he knew he had the chance, the only and last chance, to get back now.

“It’s the truth. All of it.”

“All of it?” Mark asked and Donghyuck knew what he was referring to it.

“Yes,” Donghyuck confirmed. “I meant everything I said. I didn’t sleep with Jaehyun. I couldn’t. It wasn’t—it was never him. But you know that. I’m sorry for taking so long.”

Donghyuck could hear Mark shift at the other end of the line. He let out a noise that was either a sob or a burst of laughter and Donghyuck didn’t know which possibility devastated him more.

“You’re an idiot, Donghyuck-ah,” Mark said and now it was on Donghyuck to hiccup his emotion.

The nickname was balm on his soul, the fond tone to Mark’s voice a blessing.

“I know.” Donghyuck rubbed his eyes, couldn’t help the painful grin that split his face apart. And it was so easy, talking to Mark. “Trust me, I know.”

“I’m sorry, too. For everything. Everything from the moment I left you for the first time. I never should have done that. Fuck the fame if I can’t have you.”

Donghyuck’s heart pounded so hard in his chest he thought it might jump out of his rib cage. But Donghyuck knew it wouldn’t. His heart was way too light to do any damage.

“It’s your dream, Mark,” he said.

“You’re my dream.”

Slowly, Donghyuck pried his eyes open where his head was still tilted upwards. The sky was one stretch of perfect blue.

"I looked at the sky today,” Donghyuck said and he thought that this, this might have been the bravest thing he had ever done, “there were so many clouds."

It took a long time for Mark to speak, but he did eventually. Five words. Five words and Donghyuck smiled, smiled because he got his forever back.

"I'm taking the next plane."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin. We made it! Thank you so much to everyone who has giving this story a chance, I hope you enjoyed it!! <3  
>   
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/taeyongseo)  
> [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/taeyongseo)  
> [the clouds playlist](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xDXQ0FGYE9Bl8F2S7B84G?si=NCts-DlcR1KilCYAlO9Bpw)


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